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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

RE teenage D Sis, and my new puppy.

83 replies

Bamchic · 03/03/2019 11:54

D sis is ten years younger than me (she’s 18) we live not far from each other (7 miles) and recently DH and I decided to get a cockerpoo. (Our last dog died a year or so ago) DDog is 8 weeks old, we’ve had her a few days and it is fair to say Dsis is enamoured and obsessed which is lovely.
However she wants to take DDog off to a friends house this pm without me and I have said no.
My reasons being
DDog hasn’t been to said friends house before, and hasn’t really been with anyone but me and DH since we got her,
D friends have a carpeted house, and whilst we are making fab progress on toilet training I really don’t want her to pee or poo on someone lovely carpet.
I don’t know where she’s going, or how long she will be and DDog hasn’t had all her jabs yet.
DDog is also zonked as we had the neighbors round this AM for a cuppa, so not only has she been chased by the toddler, she’s had a 3 year old golden retriever a 6 yo and a 7 yo to play with from 830 -11.

The solutions I have offered.
If DM and DF don’t mind (d sis still lives at home with our parents) I’m happy to leave the puppy there and she can have friends over to dm’s (we go there quite regularly, and the dog has a toileting area outside, and mum and dad have all oak flooring in case there was an accident I know where their cleaning stuff is, and could sort it rapido, although as she knows where to go I think it would be fine!)

I can bring DDog to meet the friends at home, but I must stay.

We can go to a cafe or country pub local to Dsis and friends, and I will buy everyone a drink and we can all chill there. (Friends of mine and dh’s run both the cafe and pub with me having previously worked in the cafe and DH in the pub, so we are a bit like old furniture and have popped in a few times with the dog, so she knows what’s what.)

D sis has just sent me this message in response

“You’re really selfish bam, I can’t believe you won’t let me take puppychic out to x y z’s House. You’re really letting everyone down. Don’t expect me to give you your tyre pump or your black dress back, I’m taking them to the tip. Fuck off”

Pretty sure IANBU. But good grief. Teenagers!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Bamchic · 03/03/2019 12:33

Currently pups is asleep on DH’s lap, snoring like a tractor 😊

OP posts:

BlankTimes · 03/03/2019 12:34

Your puppy is not a toy or accessory to show off to friends

this^^ a million times over.

Your puppy, emphasis on your needs you to be surrogate mum to provide all her needs.

Your sister needs a sharp lesson in growing up and behaving like an adult, if she bins your/your dad's possessions, make her replace them at her own cost.

poppycity · 03/03/2019 12:34

@Bamchic - that's absolutely not a reasonable response and speaking to a teacher like that plus her dramatic response I'd suggest it's more than just hormones. Does she struggle with impulsivity? Definitely chat to your Mum.

I think you definitely made the right decision for the puppy!

Murphypoint · 03/03/2019 12:36

8 week old puppy shouldn’t be out at all anyway. It’s not had it’s innoculations.

MatildaTheCat · 03/03/2019 12:38

Jeez, this is a tiny puppy just away from its mother. Don’t think of taking it somewhere new to be passed around. Yes, it does have to be socialised but gradually and with you there. Just let the pup settle in and your sister can visit and play. If she behaves herself.

HarrySnotter · 03/03/2019 12:40

She's clearly not adult enough to take your puppy anywhere, so it would be a big fat nope from me.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 03/03/2019 12:40

What happens one day in the future when she has the dog, and something you say or do upsets her and she won't give him back and takes him to some small anonymous rescue organisation instead?

This could well be a medical (hormonal) problem, as you suggest - but the pup will be the one to suffer if you, or he, or anyone else ticks her off.

You can't let this happen. Do not not let her have him.

Just as a matter to interest - did she bother much with your other dog?

Clutterbugsmum · 03/03/2019 12:40

I'd text back that DDog has not had injections so it is not safe to be out and about, that the car pump is dad's and cost him £80 so you might want to think twice about dumping it as I will let dad know your plans and if you destroy my dress then YOU will be refunding me £xx which it cost me to buy.

And you are 18 yrs old and 18mths and you have finished your tantrum you are welcome to come see MY dog.

Clutterbugsmum · 03/03/2019 12:42

And you are 18 yrs old and NOT 18mths and you have finished your tantrum

KurriKurri · 03/03/2019 12:42

I wouldn't be taking puppy anywhere until she has had all her jabs. I kept mine in the house or my garden until they'd had everything - people can visit (which is great as your ddog will get to meet loads of people)
you are right to put your foot down - a four week wait to show the puppy off is no time at all in the big scheme of things and puppy will be kept safe.

I'd ignore her bratty message (although I see you've answered - so I'd ignore any more replies) she'll soon come around when she realises she's missing out on seeing the puppy. Her reply isn't typical teenager - and 18 is not a young teenager anyway - she's old enough to have the sense to understand about the puppy's needs.

SadOtter · 03/03/2019 12:42

I have the same gap with one of my sisters, from 17-19ish she was an absolute bitch to me, especially if I said no to something. In our case it was my DD she wanted to take out to show off all the time and she used to get really upset because she thought it was just that I didn't trust her and she wanted to be treated like an adult. She grew out of it eventually.

SaturdayNext · 03/03/2019 12:43

Tell her you're reporting her theft of your belongings to the police.

Original poster

Bamchic · 03/03/2019 12:45

Utterly bonkers. The dog wasn’t ever going to be out for a walk without me, unless she was with my DM and DF who I trust with everything.
I can’t believe it. Have just come of the phone to DF, who said she was fine first thing, made a cuppa and took it off to bed with her, woke up again at eleven and was in a stinking mood for a reason unbeknown to the whole house?!

OP posts:

littlemeitslyn · 03/03/2019 12:48

Knicknackpaddyflak · 03/03/2019 12:48

Aside from anything else, I wouldn't want a very tiny puppy just away from its mother left alone in the care of someone this volatile.

Original poster

Bamchic · 03/03/2019 12:49

kurri interesting, the vet suggested she just come to all the usual places we go, but stay in arms until she’s fully vaccinated so she gets used to the sounds and smells before she goes down? We live quite rurally but the nearest town where DM lives has the bakery pub and cafe as well as a few dog friendly shops so we Potter about down ther with her.
Will ask again on tue when we go to the vets if we should keep her in totally?
Hadn’t realised it wasn’t the norm?

OP posts:

Original poster

Bamchic · 03/03/2019 12:50

Knicknackpaddyflak never at any point was she going to be in charge of the dog! Don’t worry it was me or my Dparents

OP posts:

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 03/03/2019 12:53

Tell her you're reporting her theft of your belongings to the police.

@Saturday You sound like the sister. This is your solution is it, to a bit of sibling bickering ?

KurriKurri · 03/03/2019 12:54

Ah - if she is staying in your arms and being carried that is OK - it's just them coming into comtact with where other dogs have been where they are vulnerable. It's just what i have always done with mine - but I am old fashioned (and old ! ) - things may well have changed since I first started having dogs.
getting her used to other people and socializing her sound like a great thing to do and she will benefit hugely.
Now I come to think of it - I took my latest pup out in one of those carriers until he was over 12 weeks - so he got a bit of a change of scene - I'd forgotten that (like I said I'm old )

Hope things get sorted out with little sister.

cuppycakey · 03/03/2019 12:54

She sounds totally spoilt and ridiculous.

I wouldn't allow her to have the puppy until she grows up.

longtimelurkerhelen · 03/03/2019 13:00

@Bamchic

As your pup has only just left mum, you shouldn't even have her round another dog at your home as they can catch diseases, even if the other dog has all her jabs up to date, they could still carry germs etc. It's good to socialise them young, but you have to be careful until she is fully vaccinated.

As for your sister, she really needs to grow up and realise it's not all abut her.

Stormwhale · 03/03/2019 13:03

I reckon she has bragged about being able to take the puppy round to her friends and now will look pretty stupid. I think that's why she has reacted like this as she has promised something she had no right to and looks like a twat to her friend now.

Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump · 03/03/2019 13:03

bamchic, you should definitely socialise the puppy by taking him out and about as long as he’s not down on the ground or mixing with unvaccinated dogs. There’s a critical window for their socialisation.

But yadnbu re your sister

diabeticsanon · 03/03/2019 13:06

i wouldn't have sent that text to dd tbh, it's not going to help and she'll just think 'fuck you' i would have ignored it and sent a calm response in a day or two, but would have spoken with dm or df about her behaviour. no doubt she's has a strop with them about it.

Margot33 · 03/03/2019 13:09

She's 18?!! She is behaving like a spoilt and abusive twat. Stop responding to her and mention it to your mum. Awful behaviour for a grown up 😞

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