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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance awkward situation

110 replies

Snoopy90 · 01/03/2019 23:27

Just wondering if I could get an outsider's perspective on a complicated/awkward inheritance situation.

My Spanish mum died when I was young. Her parents have just died and have left me in their will to inherit an eighth of their estate consisting of a couple of houses and some land in Spain. My 7 aunts and uncles have also inherited an eighth.

The houses/land are obviously difficult to divide up between 8 so the aunts/uncles would like to assign 2/3 people to each thing. Each share is worth around 30k euros.

I'm very touched grandparents left me in the will to take on what would have been my mum's part. However, I strongly get the feeling my aunts/uncles what me to reject my part. I think they feel I'm less deserving as a grandchild rather than child. They have been saying some things which I feel are to try and put me off. Such as, suggesting the tax is going to be a headache for me to sort out between Spain and UK. One of my aunts has also offered me to inherit the material goods such as furniture instead of actual property - she says in order to relieve me of all the paperwork which is going to be a nightmare.

Part of me is thinking shall I just reject it in order to avoid arguments? Falling out over it isn't worth it to me and I'd rather loose my share than do this. I would be devastated if it all ended sourly. I've visited them every year since I was 10 to maintain the connection and they're all the family I've got left on my mum's side.

A couple of things to consider are that the 7 of them have been sorting all the paperwork/dealing with paperwork which has been very stressful for them. I haven't done any of this as I'm in the UK. So is it fair for me to get same share as them when they're putting all the work in? Also, they looked after my grandparents throughout old age and no doubt spent lots of money on their care. I haven't asked them about this as they are quite cagey about it all. However, I know my mum used to send money back home in the 80s and contributed to a flat the grandparents bought. No idea how much. I think she would want me to take on her part to represent her. And I'm guessing when my aunts/uncles die they will want their children to inherit their part.

Any ideas on what seems fair? Very tricky/awkward situation. Another thing I've just remembered is that when I visited recently they gave me 500 euros between them as a present for my newborn daughter. I'm just wondering if they were implying a pay off. Or maybe I'm overthinking it. It's so hard as I don't feel they're being straight with me.

Thanks in advanceSmile

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 02/03/2019 09:34

PurpleWithRed well done for ensuring the will happened as yoir mum wanted. It was her money and completely right she treated the grandchildren equally despite who she saw most often.

Budsbegginingspringinsight · 02/03/2019 09:35

Just seen resistances post.

Excellent advice.

As per pp it's the absolute best way forward...as they said... takes emotional stuff out and yes... people will find excuses as too why it's easier not too pay you.

They're the conduits only.

Italiangreyhound · 02/03/2019 09:36

Fishwifecalling 100% agree with

"If they fall out with you over this then they aren't worth keeping in touch with."

Italiangreyhound · 02/03/2019 09:39

When I said back on page one... "Do not give up what is rightfully yours for the sake of harmony, unless you really do not need the money and really cannot be bothered to take the inheritance."

I was kind of being flippant, like if you were a millionaire! Really truly do not give up tgis inheritance.

BlueJag · 02/03/2019 09:44

You've lost so much already. I'll tell them that you feel so blessed that your grandparents thought of you and it would be an absolute shame not to follow their wishes.
It isn't fair to pressure you into giving up on your inheritance.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 02/03/2019 09:44

I agree with everyone else that your GPs wanted you to have it, so that's what should happen

Your real difficulty will come if the siblings decide to simply ignore this and hope you'll go away ... which is why you need an (English speaking) Spanish lawyer to deal with it rather than someone in the UK

No point in paying two lawyers, especially if they try to drag it out and it gets expensive

BlueJag · 02/03/2019 09:46

PS: they can buy you out if they prefer to keep the properties.

quizqueen · 02/03/2019 09:48

You have every right to your inheritance. Ask the solicitor to value your share, and then ask if the others want to buy it off you between them and just send you the cheque. Then all the properties etc. belong to them outright, which is what it sounds like they would like.

Hittapotamus · 02/03/2019 09:49

Sadly my DGM outlived one of her children so her 2 DGC inherited her deceased DC's share. Also they inherited their own DGC share in their own rights. So they got more than the rest of the DGC but of course they did because their parent had died.

You should have the inheritance due to you. You have been without a mother which must have been difficult and not to be underestimated in terms of impact. Why should you be doubly disadvantaged?

RB68 · 02/03/2019 09:59

Get a will translation, tell them you will accept cash for your part of the will.

Property transactions in spain as part of a will are a bit of a nightmare and I suggest as there is not a massive amount of money involved the easiest route is to divide capital items between spanish natives and none capital to others. 30K between 7 is not that much each and they get it back between them as an increased share int he capital items

But yes you need to consult with a lawyer familiar with spanish law/speaks good English (I would get one over there) and just negotiate with them

stuffedpeppers · 02/03/2019 10:03

I have just been through the same in Spain and whilst the paperwork is alot, the process is just slow and you spend a lot of time in waiting for nothing to happen.

Stick to you inheritance - it is part of your heritage, thye are doing it for their grandchildren as are you.

Boring, frustrating but not hard to do. If you need legal advice, message me and I will give you the e mail of fab lady who has dealt with all of it for us. Depending on where you are.

Tinkobell · 02/03/2019 10:03

You are a named beneficiary of that will OP, that's what they wanted...that money is yours. Anyway, 30K would be a ridiculously large fee in lieu to take from you for a bit of paperwork. If the appointed executor doesn't want to do their role, they can drop that responsibility (UK law at least) and the solicitor could do it with their fees coming out of the estate.

Tinkobell · 02/03/2019 10:06

Don't get freaked out by the tax by the way....just ring HMRC for advice, it will just be a case of declaring it on your tax return and probably keeping 40 % max on one side until the final tax calculation in case you did have to pay anything. But ring the HMRC.

Mmmhmmm · 02/03/2019 10:19

They are being Extremely manipulative. Maybe it is different in Spain but as someone who has dealt with thousands of wills and probates I've Never seen 7 executors assigned to an estate.

So I do not believe all 7 of them are equally dealing with the lawyers and associated stress. The lawyers, unless terrible, should be taking on the bulk of the work with sorting the estate and estate agents helping to sell the properties. I'm not saying there's no stress for your aunts and uncles, But it is normal that only 2 or 3 of the multiple people who stand to inherit deal with that part while the others mostly sign things and wait.

I know it might sound wrong but every time they start saying manipulative things I'd reiterate how lovely it is that your grandparents wanted you to have your deceased Mother's inheritance.

It's sad that they are trying to screw you out of what would be just an extra 4 grand a piece. :/

While a 30 grand lump sum for you could be a house deposit or paying an existing mortgage down.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/03/2019 10:21

I understand wanting to keep the connection to your mum's family, but if you really think about it, are you sure you want to maintain a relationship with people who are trying to cheat you financially? Are you certain they'll be so keen to maintain a relationship with you now that your grandparents aren't around watching? Get a solicitor asap.

On another note, sorry about your mum's death. I know it was a long time ago but that's very sad for a little girl to grow up without her mummy.

PaintBySticker · 02/03/2019 10:26

Just to agree with all the others. This is YOUR inheritance fair and square. I don’t have experience of Spanish law but the advice above about getting yourself a Spanish lawyer who speaks English sounds very sensible. Don’t be diddled out of what’s yours and don’t accept furniture in place of property unless it’s extrememly valuable antiques. As pointed out above I’d be amazed if the ‘good stuff’ hasn’t disappeared already...

PaintBySticker · 02/03/2019 10:29

“I'd tell them that you feel so blessed that your grandparents thought of you and it would be an absolute shame not to follow their wishes.“

Yes this sounds like a good line to keep repeating.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 02/03/2019 10:30

If they wanted to simplify the estate, it would make more sense for the furniture to go to an aunt / uncle who lives locally in Spain. It might cost you more than the value of the tiems to get them shipped over here

Paddy1234 · 02/03/2019 10:33

This is very normal where a parent dies and the grandparents leave there share to the child.
It is there wishes and need to be upheld.

Missingstreetlife · 02/03/2019 10:45

Any expenses from the estate will be paid before anything is divided up. Tax could be too?
Think whether you rather have cash, they can buy you out, or whether you rather a share of something that would have been your mothers. Did family live in these houses, so have sentimental value, or just investment. Do you and other beneficiaries get a say in which property goes to who or are sold? Would you use as holiday home or will it be rented to tenants....
If you want to make a gesture to them you can do it later, but it seems you had your own relationship with gps and visited so no need for guilt there. See a solicitor, no need to get confrontational. Just know and understand the situation, decide later if you need to fight your corner.

OneFootintheRave · 02/03/2019 10:54

I think you should take your share absolutely.

Can you take some time and go over and look at the estate? Selling land/property in Spain is not as straightforward as you think. Especially if it is rural. Some little village houses stay on the market for years. this will take some time to sort and there will be tax considerations. Maybe there could be some furniture you like, worth having a look.

Missingstreetlife · 02/03/2019 10:57

No tink, think, there will be tax to pay in Spain

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 02/03/2019 10:59

I think they feel I'm less deserving as a grandchild rather than child

So, presumably, they will be leaving their shares to charity when they die rather than allowing their children - your GP's other grandchildren - to inherit, as that would be 'less deserving'?

Or do they feel that you should be doubly punished - once for having lost your DM at a young age and also, as a direct result, by losing the inheritance that she would have had, had she lived?

This is always a concern when a parent predeceases one of their own parents, particularly with smaller personal possessions rather than houses or money, as these tend not to be mentioned in wills. The assumption is that these things should naturally go to the surviving adult children, but the problem then is that they invariably pass down to those surviving children's own children, meaning that the children of the person who died before their own parent(s) never get anything that belonged to their DGPs.

As for them looking after their parents, this is entirely normal. Do they think your DM was somehow remiss in not playing her part - which would have been rather difficult considering that she died before they became elderly and needed the care?

We hear this time and again where decent, considerate people give up their own money, possessions, time, work, joys etc to avoid causing bad feeling to CFs who have no such concerns whatsoever about actually directly being the deliberate cause of that awkwardness - often because they know that you'll be far too nice whilst they get away with their outrageous behaviour.

This is your DM's money. Sadly, she can no longer use it and so would surely have wanted you to have it. Your GPs wanted you to have it. It sounds like Spanish law also dictates that you should have it. Take what is absolutely yours without any shame.

Any awkwardness or straining of relations is wholly the fault of the people who think so little of their parents and sister that they want to increase their own shares by a relatively small proportion through guilting their DN into giving up her own rightful inheritance.

Sandwichgirl · 02/03/2019 11:04

OP, by all means contact HMRC for advice on UK tax implications, but be aware that the first point of call for tax will be in Spain. You will be liable for non-resident Spanish inheritance tax at a minimum. You really will need a Spanish lawyer for this - the system here is completely different to the UK.

GabriellaMontez · 02/03/2019 11:08

As your relatives have kindly pointed out, it could be complicated, so I agree with others, instruct a Spanish lawyer now to make it easier for everyone.

As for you having the furniture!!!! How would that be easy for anyone but them? What Do they expect you to do with it?!