To do this with DS and expect no contradiction?

[MidwifeyForLifey]

SIL's DD is having a princess party. When I asked what the boys were coming as, she said superhero's.

DS (a toddler), would look very cute in a prince outfit so I've gone along and purchased an ivory coloured Christening type outfit, complete with little tights and ballet shoes And of course, a little crown. I bought it at the time I was told about the party and nothing was really said apart form an eye roll.

She really doesn't approve and has gone ahead any purchased him a little superhero outfit, despite knowing I've already bought the prince outfit.

AIBU to think this really isn't fair?

She also 'doesn't agree' with boys doing ballet dancing etc, but that's another story for another day.

"I don't have a superhero one. I do have a prince one that I've bought. I've honestly had a lot of sad news this last month, I really don't think I should be argued with over this."

Oh well then OP, don't worry about any one else at the party they're throwing even though it isn't about you.

Dress him as a superhero in the costume your SIL bought ffs. It's not his party and at 18 months I doubt it's his desperate wish to go as a little prince in a Christening gown. You're being ridiculous and causing a load of aggro for no reason. He's not going to keep getting invited to things if this is what you're like.

Also I wouldn't post on AIBU if you feel you shouldn't be argued with.

I don't get how taking a boy to a princess party dressed as a prince is thunder-stealing. It's obviously the direct boy equivalent of a princess...!

No one cares. No one cares. No one cares.

Say he is Super Prince Fauntleroy the Dragon Gobbler. By the end of the party he'll be covered in cake, have a piece of wrapping paper on his head, and a sandwich in his hair, and no one will know what the hell he came as anyway.

To be fair your outfit is ridiculously over the top and designed to steal the birthday girls thunder..
It would have been much cheaper and easier to just buy a super hero (or princess) outfit from the super market for a couple of quid instead of sourcing what is quite a specialist and expensive fancy dress outfit.
You're not even doing it for him but because you want to show him off like a little doll. If you were my SIL I'd be rolling my eyes at you too.

OP states that the theme was only "princesses" originally and it was only after she'd showed the prince outfit to her SIL that suddenly it was "Princesses and superheroes". I think your SIL is put out that you get to play dress up with crowns and a fancy outfit and the like "even though" you "only" have a "boy". (That's my take on it). She is miffed you've come up with a fantastic alternative which allows you to match all the sparkles etc appropriately to the theme.

Only if she'd said right from the start it's "princesses and superheroes" and then you'd bought the prince outfit, might she have something of a point. But even then it's a shaky one. Why shouldn't a boy guest go as a prince when the theme is princesses?!

I really can't see how your 18mo is "outshining" anyone (for those PP who have said so) for being dressed like a prince with a crown, when the party will be awash with tulle, sparkly dresses, wings (probably) and crowns galore from the girls? How would OP's DS stand out badly amongst similar fabrics, colours and accessories? It's not like the theme is "animals" and OP is sending her DS as a prince.

OP - have your DS go as a prince, she can't make you change him into a superhero costume.

Make your mind up about the time line!

You said you had already bought the outfit, then you say ”The thing is, she only said it was superhero's for the boys when I showed what I was getting.” the words ”was getting” spring out. YOU HADNT GOT THE OUTFIT BEFORE YOU ASKED HER, but went ahead and got it because you wanted your child to be centre of attention! Well he probably would be, but not for the right reasons!
Grow up and think about your poor dn, she should be centre of attention at her own party! Either that or don’t go!!

Oh let him be a Prince. Nobody will care. Seriously, it's a dressing up party, if the birthday girl doesn't mind then it doesn't matter.

Oh god it’s another
“Aren’t I so hip and cool because I let my boy dress as a girl”
Loooook at meeeeeee
Nobody cares and you make yourself look like an attention seeking loon

OP I don’t think YABU. If you’re having a fancy dress party you can suggest a theme, but you can’t dictate to people what they wear. It is certainly rude to hear someone’s outfit choice, not like it, then buy them a different outfit. I can’t really believe all the responses saying you should dress your DS as your SIL says.

Also, if we are going to be pedantic about themes, superheros doesn’t even go with princesses. Princesses go with princes, or knights, or dragons.

hobnobsaremyfave I think you may have misunderstood, the OP isn’t dressing her son as a princess, she’s dressing him as a prince, a male monarch.

How many male monarchs run around in ivory christening gowns and ballet shoes ffs.

You don't want argued with; you expect no contradiction . . .no point coming on MN then.
But actually I'm at any parent choosing such an impractical outfit for child's party. That's a real commitment to being passive-aggressive!
I'm assuming this is all rubbish but if it isn't then be prepared for her DD to wear attention-grabbing outfits at every party you hold for your DS. And, of course, you won't be able to contradict them

Given your son doesn't care what he wears, because, well he's 18 mths old and they honestly don't give a fuck, this is obviously all about you. You are trying to prove some meaningless point and have a dig at your SIL about what? Sexism? Gender stereotypes? It's a kids party ffs. Get over yourself.

I just fucking hate princess and superheroes/ princess and pirates parties.

And my eldest DD was always a superhero or pirate. And not the shitty girly kind of pirate either.

So why a boy cant do a male equivalent of a princess is beyond me.

But I do think you're going to get laid into for not sticking to your sisters gender conforming stereotypes. Because you certainly are on your thread

You know what your SIL is like. Your son isn't old enough to express an opinion so imho you should have dressed him as a superhero especially as your SIL has gone as far as buy the outfit. Taking him dressed as a prince when you know that SIL would rather that he was a superhero smacks of proving a point.

My reply would be different if he were older and wanted to wear a prince or princess costume. What does your OH think especially if SIL is their sibling?

It’s all about you OP, attention seeking both online and potentially at the party. An 18mth old doesn’t understand the gender debate but you do.
An ivory christening outfit is a waste of money, as it will be ruined by the end of the day. Ballet flats outgrown.
Cheap costumes tend to survive and be passed down.

There are little boys prince costumes on amazon for cheap if you had really wanted to go with prince rather than superhero, but the outfit you have described does sound a little over the top for a kids party where the other boys will be superheroes! If your son was older and really wanted to then that is different, but if the idea of using a superhero costume for him is so awful to you then just go in a nice normal outfit and no fancy dress

This is like the supersoaker party thread....

Sounds like you're trying far too hard.

OP isn’t coming back because she’s right and we’re wrong and no one should argue with her because she’s had a hard time recently.

Well, I agree that the theme is sexist, and that would irritate me. And I'm surprised that your sil would particularly care what other kids come dressed up as.

YANBU Princesses and Superheroes is a fine (meh) theme as long as everyone can choose. Saying the girls have to be princesses and the boys superheroes isn't ok. 6yo DD can be very princessy but also loves superheroes (albeit the girly ones). I wouldn't be telling her she HAD to choose princess. 2yo DD only likes Spiderman and Peppa Pig at the moment so she'd definitely wear her Spiderman costume. I think your costume for your DS sounds really cute and fits the theme fine.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable in theory, but it does sound like you are trying to hard and I would roll my eyes at your choice of outfit. Kids’ fancy dress parties are generally cheapy off the shelf costumes. If you sent your son in a little off the shelf Disney number as a prince or princess I wouldn’t really think much of it. Although clearly at 18 months old it is you making a point and not him being whoever he wants to be. If you sent a girl in the outfit you describe I would raise an eyebrow at it being a bit OTT. There is something about the way you describe it even that makes you sound over invested.

You showed her in advance and she said no, it’s odd to go on and purchase it. Her party, wear what she got him. Pick your battles. It would be different if this all came from your DS, but it’s just you making a point. You aren’t wrong, but not everything has to be a political statement.

He is 18 months old your outfit will be ruined quite early on in the party then you can change him into the superhero outfit. Problem solved.