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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was it planned...

65 replies

Karigan195 · 01/03/2019 14:29

Is it me or is it entirely unreasonable to be quizzing someone if they planned to get pregnant.

14 weeks. Grown adult. Decent job and long term partner and 4 times my bloody mother has now asked if it was planned.

I personally think it’s none of her bloody business. So far I’m ignoring the question but She keeps asking!

OP posts:
Cookit · 01/03/2019 15:18

I was asked it once or twice and I found it rude although I just said yes and swelled on it later.
Why does she keep asking once you’ve already given her an answer??

Imagine2019 · 01/03/2019 15:19

Omg a tesco checkout lady asked me this when I was pregnant with DS2!! i was so shocked I just gave her a really funny look like she was bonkers lol So rude to ask someone this!

Lollypop701 · 01/03/2019 15:19

Tell her ‘not by the father’

MRex · 01/03/2019 15:26

I had a few people ask, it didn't bother me as it seemed innocent enough. It wasn't the first question though I don't think, and nobody repeated it (although I did answer, so there's that). Two of them transpired to be using it as an intro to talking about their previous conception difficulties.

nonetcurtains · 01/03/2019 15:27

Tell her no, you both just fancied a shag so went for it...

Beamur · 01/03/2019 15:29

My MIL asked me (not married to DH at that time) I was quite offended. PIL did not seem pleased.

Megan2018 · 01/03/2019 15:36

@Karigan195
I'm not laughing honest!
I am expecting similar from mine.

We went on a spa day before Christmas and my Mum spent a couple of hours warning me about the dangers of accidentally getting pregnant at my age and urging me to be careful. We were doing our half-hearted TTC then but I played dumb....so I am bound to get the question!

Oh and quite agree on the married front. I earn double DH and provide all the financial security and have risked it all by marrying him if we split up - but quite agree that if I'd been burned I'd not be doing it again either!

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/03/2019 15:38

i assume if you keep ignoring the q, then she was right and wasnt planned

or else you would have said to mum, yes very planned, took 6mth or lucky and fell preg first month ttc

so why not answer her, then she wont keep asking :)

tbh desnt mattter if planned or not, you are keeping so baby is very much wanted

Original poster
Karigan195 · 01/03/2019 15:39

@Megan2018

😂😂 we really have to get a coffee one day as we have far too many similarities in our lives not to get on 😂

I could have word for word written that right down to comments from mum when taking our relaxed see what happens approach

OP posts:
RainbowWaffles · 01/03/2019 15:44

It’s rude if it’s a random person or someone you aren’t close to like a colleague or something. But family and friends, I really don’t see the problem.

If you are one of those people that is offended when people ask if it was planned because you are young or you already have three children etc, just think of it this way- if they don’t ask and you don’t tell them it was planned they will probably just assume it was an accident anyway. If it bothers you that much, at least you have an opportunity to set them straight.

I had one planned and one not. I suppose it didn’t matter to me whether they were or weren’t so didn’t have a problem discussing it.

AuntieCJ · 01/03/2019 15:45

I said this once. I was so embarrassed. In my defence both my DSs were planned with a view to them being born in the autumn term, by some miracle we got it right.

A teacher friend told me she was due in October and I meant was it planned to be born in the autumn term. I realised my faux pas when I saw the expression on her face, a hasty explanation followed and, fortunately she found it funny.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/03/2019 15:54

He cheated and then tried to go for my pension etc
Okso it's. None of her business and makes no difference. But I suspect this is why she's assuming it wasn't planned.

Megan2018 · 01/03/2019 15:54

@RainbowWaffles What about if you are not young though? I'm nearly 41, DH nearly 46. No other DC.
it's still no-ones business!

@karigan195. Yes quite agree! There are so many similarities! Grin
Can you see why I am so worried about telling her! She is 70 this year and has atrial fibrillation so I literally worried about killing her with shock.

RainbowWaffles · 01/03/2019 16:03

What about if you are not young though? I'm nearly 41, DH nearly 46. No other DC.
it's still no-ones business!

Honestly, I would think conceived after trying for a while, possible IVF. I wouldn’t ask though. It’s rude.

You’re right, it isn’t anyone’s business strictly speaking, but you can say that about anything. All conversation would grind to a halt if we only focused on our own business. I think it’s fair enough for people close to you to enquire.If you disagree with sharing the information then you are entitled to decline to answer.

Tinkobell · 01/03/2019 16:03

@YetAnotherUser 😂😂😂......please say this OP......pleeeasee!! 😂

justmyview · 01/03/2019 16:05

One person actually said "Well done!"..... I was speechless

Surely that's just a slightly odd way of saying congratulations?

MrsXx4 · 01/03/2019 16:09

I’m mid 30s and married and was asked this twice during my pregnancy. Once by the lady scanning my shopping in Tesco and another time by a customer at work. I have no idea how my answer, whatever it may be would have impacted their lives!?!

Tinkobell · 01/03/2019 16:10

You could turn the question back on her "Why do you ask.....was I planned or not .....How about you....were you a surprise?" See how she likes that.

BreastSideStory · 01/03/2019 16:12

Someone in my family kept asking me the same question when I was pregnant and I found it rude and intrusive... what difference did it make to them?

So I answered the question very vulgarly which shut her up 😂

I said something along the lines of “Well we have a shit ton of sex and DH usually loves to come on my tits but he was a bit slow at pulling out that day”

Rtmhwales · 01/03/2019 16:18

My friend was once asked by her aunt at a family gathering if DD was planned. I'm not sure if she'd just reached her limit with this question or something else (she's usually quite quiet) but suddenly she burst out with "Oh God, yes. We've been going at it like rabbits day and night. Dogging in Tesco's car park on Friday nights. If Tipping Point comes on, pants come off! So freeing without condoms."

I will never forget the look on her family's face but nobody has asked if the subsequent two were planned that I know of.

Tinkobell · 01/03/2019 16:21

Nod very seriously and say you sought professional advice on the matter before taking the plunge.

room32 · 01/03/2019 16:26

This was my boss's response when I told her I was pregnant, but she must have seen the look on my face as she then backtracked and asked something completely different!

I'd had IVF but kept it from my colleagues and boss, but despite my best efforts it was clear my family had figured it out...or so I thought, until BIL asked the same..!

Megan2018 · 01/03/2019 16:32

And yet @RainbowWaffles mine was conceived completely naturally after not really trying (infrequent sex, no charting, no idea of ovulation etc) over a few months.
But I don't see why anyone needs to know that and they can assume what they like.

I am sure my mother will! Wink

GregoryPeckingDuck · 01/03/2019 16:40

Have you told her that you are happy about the pregnancy? Maybe she’s just worried that you didn’t plan the pregnancy and are secretly miserable? Parents need a surprising amount of reassurance.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 01/03/2019 16:40

When I told df I was expecting ds 4 he asked had I not worked out what was causing it yet? I was mortified.
The same df who was genuinely shocked ds was awake when he saw him as he was adamant babies eyes don't open until 6 weeks old.
No df, that's kittens.
Shock

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