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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it possible H was married/ had family before me?

355 replies

womaninatightspot · 01/03/2019 12:08

Already separating but he was abusive (verbal gaslighting etc.). Suspect having proof he's a liar would be good for my mental health. Found a birth certificate among his papers from before we were married. His name listed as father and informant (so would have to be married to mother right?) Same surname as the mother.

It is a common name and he's from a large family who I've never met so can't ask them (I know major red flag territory.) Can I use this to search for a marriage certificate and confirm the date of birth and know for sure. We are married and declared no previous marriages when filling out wedding licence application. Do they double check these things?

Would rather him not know I know if that makes sense. I don't want to confront him.

OP posts:
WhoWasIt · 01/03/2019 17:09

It does sound very suspicious. You need to check it out OP.
As another poster said, can you take a photo of it and then check it out via ancestry?
A woman I used to work with found out that she was wife number seven. Unfortunately her husband seemed to have forgotten his other six previous wives, and unfortunately forgot to divorce them all too.

rumptifizzer · 01/03/2019 17:10

This sounds very worrying OP. I would contact police for advice.

Violetroselily · 01/03/2019 17:13

Wow. Sorry OP. What a shock this must be for you.

Original poster
womaninatightspot · 01/03/2019 17:14

No sign of any death certificates or divorce will keep checking. Couldn't find marriage initially as had both of them down as first name initial surname.

OP posts:
DailyMailWankers · 01/03/2019 17:15

Sorry OP this sounds like a nightmare Flowers

Missingstreetlife · 01/03/2019 17:15

Don't contact police. Get legal advice first

Violetroselily · 01/03/2019 17:16

www.gov.uk/copy-decree-absolute-final-order/

Looks like you can search for divorce records where you dont know the court or case number. Maybe try this before seeing a solicitor/police.

HowlsMovingBungalow · 01/03/2019 17:16

Try 192.com for old addresses for them both. Might give you a loose time scale.

Rubytinsleslippers · 01/03/2019 17:17

So... was he married with another family before??

twinnywinny14 · 01/03/2019 17:17

Definitely something untoward going on, but you need to be very careful about how you go from here x

lyralalala · 01/03/2019 17:17

If you want to double check the marriage certificate then order it from the GRO rather than ancestry - it's cheaper.

It'll give you their ages and their father's names.

Mumto2soontobe3 · 01/03/2019 17:17

So sorry to hear this op. I would definitely be getting legal advice. Then decide on what to do.

lyralalala · 01/03/2019 17:19

Also for divorce, just as a long shot in case your husband has any scottish connections then checking Scotlands People might be a shout. It's free to check listings on there, you just have to register.

Vividdreaming · 01/03/2019 17:28

It doesn’t sound good OP. If the house is in your name and he isn’t fighting your for it it could be to protect himself to avoid you taking him to court and getting found out.

He’s giving in easily because he knows he’s fucked if you get any authorities involved.

Original poster
womaninatightspot · 01/03/2019 17:30

Bloody hell so from the looks of things he married young t had a couple of kids and never divorced. We've been married for ten years so it's not like it's so recent it's not been updated.

OP posts:
Vividdreaming · 01/03/2019 17:32

OP you need to get legal advise ASAP.

OftenHangry · 01/03/2019 17:32

I think everyone here should now wave to DailyFail😮

lyralalala · 01/03/2019 17:34

Might be worth looking to see if she has remarried. Having her middle initial is very helpful in that respect.

Either way the fact he didn't mention it on his marriage certificate to you, or even just in conversation is a horrendous secret to keep. Possibly why you've never met his family?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/03/2019 17:34

Are you in England&Wales or Scotland or any other part of the U.K.?

Original poster
womaninatightspot · 01/03/2019 17:34

No Scottish connections will do a proper search for a divorce certificate with GRO. I'm a bit flabbergasted tbh all of his Catholic I don't believe in divorce/ cheating chat.

So he's either a liar (divorced) or a cheat (and a bigamist).

OP posts:
lyralalala · 01/03/2019 17:35

He doesn't work away a lot or anything does he OP?

AornisHades · 01/03/2019 17:36

It certainly adds up that he had a wife and children you didn't know about. How disconcerting. It all hinges on whether there was a divorce and that's harder to find out. The gov. UK link up thread looks like your best bet.
Who initiated your divorce? You or him?

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/03/2019 17:36

Crikey. Good luck with this and we’ll done for getting away. Are you still in contact with your family?

MrsSchadenfreude · 01/03/2019 17:37

Unless she died?

diddl · 01/03/2019 17:40

"Unless she died?"

But then why put that he han't been married before?

And wouldn't he have had the kids & still see them?