To feel offended when people unfollow me on instagram?

[catchet]

My friend was telling me about this app that tells you who has unfollowed you on instagram. I’m not a seriel poster, maybe once every two weeks when I go somewhere nice/ see a nice building etc. My pictures are good but obviously not outstanding.

Since having the app, I’ve seen quite a few people unfollow me. Sure whatever, but a few of these people have been friends. One I would consider close friends. It just feels like a big fk you, I don’t care about you. I know that’s ridiculous but that’s how it feels.

It was my birthday recently, and I put two pictures on the story part of the app, one of my birthday cake, and one of me smiling with a glass of bubbly.

Then next day I saw that one close friend unfollowed and then two others I considered to be on good terms with, who I usually chat to etc.

I know this is pathetic, but AIBU?

Bit harsh perhaps but I think you should seriously consider taking a step back from social media if something as trivial as this bothers you.

This is one of the many problems of social media. Why did you get the app if it's going to upset you? I've unfollowed loads of people on FB because my newsfeed was getting so massive. Doesn't mean I don't like them, it just means I don't need to see their news all the time. I don't give a monkey's who follows me and who doesn't tbh, nor have I ever cared if I get 'likes' for my posts.

Get rid of the app. Why would you even get the app to find out who unfollows you? I couldn't care less who does or doesn't follow me.

I think you need to sort out your priorities if whether grown adults follow you/unfollow you on social media really bothers you that much!

YABU. Who gives a shit about Facebook or Instagram? This is high school level petty.

I had assumed you were maybe 20 but you have a son at university so I'm assuming more like at least 40. I'm absolutely astounded.

So YABU and yes it's also pathetic.

I wouldn’t want to find out who’d unfollowed me but I don’t think it’s trivial that a close friend unfollowed you. I would like to know why? Like what on Earth is the reasoning? I wouldn’t unfollow any of my close friends on social media but maybe it’s a generational thing!

Maybe they unfollowed you because your happy smiley pictures made them feel shit about their ‘flat’ lives. It may not be about you...

Are you also one of these people who has to keep checking for them "Like" counts?

I wouldn't overthink it. Uninstall the app. It's taking unnecessary time and making you unhappy.

I’d get rid of the app! It could be that the friends in question prefer to follow a specific ‘thing’ on Instagram, and aren’t a big fan of personal updates...or anything else completely innocent and in no way personal to you. If it’s bothering you, though, remove the temptation to check who has unfollowed.

I unfollow people on Facebook all the time - not because I don’t like them, but like a PP said, just because my newsfeed gets a bit too clogged and I miss stuff I actually want to see.

And this is precisely why I don’t do Instagram.........who cares if you have one or a thousand followers? At the end of the day the pictures are about your memories, not theirs......

If anything about social media followers bothers you, you need to delete it. It will rule your life and you'll end up missing out on living because you're more concerned with how your social media life looks than your real life.

Yanbu
It is a bit wtf when people you consider friends just unfollow you
Maybe they are jealous and don’t want to see you enjoying life
A girl I went to college with and worked with who I adored and were really close at one time I followed she followed back.
She was looking at all my stories then I noticed she unfollowed.
If I never followed her if I seen her on a night out I would be so excited and hugging her how are you etc.
Now I think il just smile day hello and not talk cos I feel like she dsnt like me now ya get me?
Another old childhood friend followed me was messaging me so excited wanting to meet etc
I never announced my engagement on sm but I have very few people on my insta so in one of my stories I said fiance then my friend who is gay replied aw congrats then unfollowed me. Then passed me in town like he didn’t know me it was just weird..
Like why be mad to meet then just nothing but I do feel like it’s cos he always thought he was better than me and he judged me being a single parent and if we met it was like I kind of had a one up but I certainly don’t think like that but I feel like he does you know?
My advice is don’t follow anyone like past people. If they want to follow you that’s fine but don’t follow back. I’m delighted cos my instagram is a positive place my feed isn’t clogged up like fb looking at people I don’t want to see.
That’s obviously what happened there I was obviously annoying them in some way with my stories but I barely post anything so I don’t know

Maybe they got rid of the app? I know several people who take regular breaks and some delete accounts rather than disable. There's a good reason for this too - social media has an insidious effect on us, personally I can feel horrendous after a spell of reading everyone else's achievements on twitter, seeing glossy pictures on instagram where inevitably people's lives look more interesting and fun, and they seem more put together, slim and beautiful than me. I'd love to say I easily rise above it, but it plays on my mind and affects my mood and self esteem, and as a result I can get to a point where even someone I know and like can irritate ne severely!! Like you, I would be upset if friends stopped following me, so I don't do that, but I do 'avoid' some. What I'm trying to say is - this is more likely about them than you, and unlikely to be personal, so don't let it affect your real life relationships. Social media warps the way people cone across, and how they see life, it's never a true reflection of relationships or lifestyle.

Facebook is the platform for linking up with friends, I use insta to see photos of things I am interested in. A photo of a birthday cake is not in any way interesting.
I don't follow many of my friends on insta, I don't really think it's for that.

Also, I agree with everyone else, you are grown up enough to get over it.

If I noticed a close friend had unfollowed me then I probably would be a bit confused and upset.

However, why would you torture yourself with this app? I never ever keep track of who is following me or not on any social channels. I post content for me, that shares important things for me. I don't try and be entertaining for other people, so if people don't like it then fair enough, that's their choice.

You're literally making yourself miserable by tracking this and worrying about it.

Now you know, you can't forget - but delete the app and stop agonising over this going forwards.

Precisely why I'm not on any SM. I can count my best friends on one hand I don't need their approval on any other level. Stop using the app if it upsets you.

Actually I can see why a close friend unfollowing you would feel upsetting.

However what happens on social media isn’t a true reflection of life.

Delete the app counting your followers. Enjoy your social media.

Insta isn't about following your friends stuff its about looking at pictures you like. A random picture of birthday cake once a week isn't going to cut it.

I get why you are upset, but you do need to get a grip.

Unfortunately, you are just not as interesting as you think you are. Some people are just politely following and liking everything. Others are more choosy, nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with only following bakers/cat lovers/ tri-athletes/private family - it doesn't mean they don't like you, it means they have other priorities for their social media.

One of my very close friends is regularly on tv. I honestly can't be bothered to watch every single occasion, it's the same.

It's very scary that grown-up are so obsessed by that public image nonsense.

Why would you care if someone follows or unfollows?
I certainly wouldn't careless, if I was on any social media but I'm not. Shocking how some peope choose to allow social media to have so much influence over them.

I’m not on social media anymore but when I was I did unfollow a friend and she stopped speaking to me. It did me a favour to be honest as I’d realised we were incompatible and I didn’t enjoy her company but also didn’t know how to extrapolate myself from the friendship.

I’d felt like I had to endure her posts for months and seeing them every morning put a real dampener on my day sometimes. I didn’t post very much at all and usually took quite arty pictures of places I was or interesting things I’d seen. This girl on the other hand was the selfie queen and had this ridiculous online persona that came across as horribly narcissistic. She’d post dozens of pictures on each night out of her pouting into mirrors through various snapchat filters that meant she didn’t even look like herself at all, she’d take risqué pictures of herself in bed with a sheet strategically placed over her bits and...worst of all she’d put up these self pitying posts with a picture of her looking sad and constantly banging on about being single or having a crush on someone but written in a very cryptic way. She’d take pictures of flowers that she bought herself and caption it “I wished that I had someone that could buy me flowers. Then I realised I had someone, me. Self love guys! #Queen #Don’tNeedAnyoneButMe”
Isolated that seems like nothing but every single fucking day? Also when you went out with her she’d be on her phone all night and barely speak and seem to have a generally shit time but then the next day she’d be posting loads of selfies going out about the “amazing night out with my besties #lovethesegirls”. There were two last straws for me, one when she put up an offensive post about Christianity on Good Friday along with an image of a BDSM version of Christ on the cross and then a couple of weeks later she went on a trip to “find herself” and the posts about her relationship with herself were just getting wankier and wankier. I unfollowed and it was like that feeling of instant relief when a boil pops and all the pus flies out.

Some peoples online persona just aren’t compatible with other people in real life. I’ve seen it time and time again...sweet girl who is kind to everyone in real life and has a brilliant sense of humour, online shares stuff from Britain First all the time and is constantly banging on about “bloody foreigners”.

Her aside, when I was on social media, I definitely unfollowed people especially on FB that I wanted to remain friends with in real life but just couldn’t stand their posting style. What other people post can have a massive effect on other people and often it’s totally innocent and no one’s fault. For example, I’m suffering from depression at the moment because I’m 35 and childless. I know about 10 people who’ve recently become pregnant. If i’d been on FB I’d have hid their posts because I’d struggle to cope with the constant reminder of what I’m missing out on. They have every right to be excited and share but equally I have every right to prioritise my mental health and unfollow.

Bottom line is you don’t know what effects your posts could have on another person and the feelings that come up within them might be nothing to do with you...it’s their own stuff, it’s really not all about you. It’s intriguing that you think that someone unfollowing you automatically means they don’t care about you. That’s not always true.

Remember that relative that we’d all
go and see who’d get out a massive photo album of their latest holiday and go through it with you. After the 50th picture of the hotel lobby or giraffes at the local zoo, you’d start to switch off and wish you could be somewhere else? Instagram is a bit like that. You can love Auntie Deirdre and want to spend time with her but you’d enjoy it more if you didn’t have to sift through another load of pictures of her yearly fortnight in Benalmedena. Except with instagram you can just unfollow or whatever and still go out for coffee with your friend. Unless they massively hold it against you, which you seem to be.

I've curated my instagram to show inspiring photos: landscapes, food, architecture, interiors, travel, fashion etc, plus some celebs. So not interested in seeing any friends pics ESPECIALLY since they are almost always posted cross platform and I also get them in my facebook feed. IMO instagram is for great pics that are appreciate on artistic merit or inspirational/aspirational pics. Your friends may feel the same. So, yeah, I get why you're hurt but this probably isn't about you. Human relationships are complex and complicated at the best of times and getting an app that shows you who unfollowed you is the digital equivalent of eavesdropping. You are sure to find out something you wish you hadn't.

Why would you care if someone follows or unfollows?

Because the OP said they were a friend. I’d like to know if a friend was simply unfollowing or had an issue with me.

But then I see the “no social media” superiority lot are out in force

YANBU I'd be hurt by that too. I wouldn't worry about randoms or people I'm no longer in touch with but friends I still see I'd be upset by. That said it's good to bare in mind is that you don't know why they've unfollowed you. Maybe they're going through a hard time and don't want to see loads of happy photos on your feed.