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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Au pair and dog poo

170 replies

Littleloafofbread · 01/03/2019 07:27

Dog did a poo in front of the front door during the night - very rare accident and she's never had to clean up after him in six months of being here. Au pair left for work early this morning (we don't need her to work during school holidays so she has a different babysitting job) and rather than cleaning it up, she pushed it out of the way with the door, of course getting it on the door and on the bristles under the door, which of course I have had to clean.

AIBU to say something to the au pair about this? In her defence, it isn't her job to look after or clean up after the dog, there was no other way to get out of the house and she was probably in a hurry to get to work. However, she is an adult and my gut reaction is that she should have just cleaned it up because sometimes these things happen, and by not doing it she knew she was making extra work for me.

OP posts:
howwillwedeal · 01/03/2019 12:15

@WendyCope you pick up my your not you're and then you write this...

She was going to babysit. Do you know what shit is on dog shit?

I mean what in God's name is that all saying?

FrancisCrawford · 01/03/2019 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

9toenails · 01/03/2019 12:23

Yes, OP, you are being very unreasonable. Try putting yourself in your au pair's shoes. Imagine you were staying/working away from home at a young age, living with strangers; imagine coming down one morning to find a steaming turd blocking your way in the hall. Urgh! How awful for her. Apologies needed from you.

Face up to your responsibilities towards this young person; owning a dog does not absolve you from doing the right thing. You have a duty of care towards her, both as an employee and as a guest in your home.

Seems to me a large box of chocs and an extra weekend off (while you look after your own DC) would be the least you could offer her as a gesture in partial recompense for her horrible experience.

FrancisCrawford · 01/03/2019 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

howwillwedeal · 01/03/2019 12:27

@9toenails do you really mean that post? Chocolates and a weekend off? The dig about looking after her own kids that weekend?

Really? For a one off accident by the dog....

FrancisCrawford · 01/03/2019 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

howwillwedeal · 01/03/2019 12:29

*the dog not dig!

howwillwedeal · 01/03/2019 12:30

@FrancisCrawford I like your line of thinking!

shallichangemyname · 01/03/2019 12:50

I want to marry FrancisCrawford

howwillwedeal · 01/03/2019 12:53

🚪 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩

Sorry I couldn't resist!

waterrat · 01/03/2019 13:12

dog poo makes me feel sick. I cannot believe anyone would suggest she deal with it. She was on her way somewhere and maybe didn't deal with it well -but frankly you should be apologising that she had to see dog shit on the doorstep on her way out. BLEURGH

Original poster
Littleloafofbread · 01/03/2019 13:23

Imagine you were staying/working away from home at a young age, living with strangers

She's 29, she's lived with us for six months - we make food together, we eat together, we chat together - we're really not strangers. She's been an au pair for several years so she should hardly be taken aback by the living situation, she was raised with dogs, knew there was a dog in the house before she came here, and in the six months she has worked for us, she has worked ONE evening (when DH and I both had no choice but to work - and I do mean work, not swan off for a night on the town or whatever it is you think I spend all my time doing) and NO weekends, not one single hour of any weekend in six months. I really don't think this is the horrific situation you have pictured in your head of a poor vulnerable girl being taken advantage of by a mean, lazy family who can't be arsed to look after their own children.

OP posts:
havingabadhairday · 01/03/2019 13:27

I've stayed with people who have dogs, if I found a poo and the owner is there I tell them, they pick it up. If they're not around, I clean it up to the best of my ability depending on what I can find to clean it up with. I wouldn't wake someone up to deal with it either.

It really wouldn't cross my mind not to, and I'd say I've been doing that since I was 15 or 16. Ignoring it is disgusting. Opening a door on it and spreading the mess around is worse.

(Don't have a dog, have never had a dog.)

howwillwedeal · 01/03/2019 13:30

@Littleloafofbread I think people at your ability to have an au pair is clouding people's judgement! Or they thought you said slave and not an au pair!

StarlightIntheNight · 01/03/2019 13:32

I assume she probably did not see it. No responsible au pair, would just make more mess, by using the door etc. I really suspect she did not see. I would mention it though, just in case, to let ask if she saw it, and say it created more work for you etc...so next time if she sees dog poo, to let you know or clean it up! My au pairs clean up the dog poo or pee if they see it before me (we have a puppy).

howwillwedeal · 01/03/2019 13:32

*I think people are jealous at your ability

Chouetted · 01/03/2019 13:38

At 7am in the morning, it's entirely possible she either didn't see it, or didn't forsee the consequences of opening the door. Not everyone is bright and bushy tailed at that hour, and I can say from experience that I've done some truly dumb things while operating on autopilot first thing in the morning.

StarlightIntheNight · 01/03/2019 13:44

And just and FYI to people who act like its horrifying to expect someone to pick up dog poop - usually families who have a dog and an au pair, well this is part of their job! For example, I always take the children out with the dog in the afternoon, so au pairs are expected the same. I would not give au pair special treatment by excluding the dog from outings etc. Therefore, she knows how to pick up poop. However, I also only select dog lovers, au pairs that have dogs or loves them - I also explain before they accept the dog, that they will be required to pick up poop if the dog takes a poop while in their care....just like I always pick up the poop when I am with dog (which, btw is most of the time, as she usually poops during the morning walk when I have her). But anyway, most au pairs in the area are taking care of the dogs and the children...so its not unheard of for an au pair to pick up dog poop etc. If I knew the au pair did that on purpose, I would make sure she knows this is not okay and can not happen again....otherwise I would have to get another au pair. And yea - the majority of the time, I am the one caring for the dog - and the children!....but for an hour in the afternoon when the children are with the au pair in the park (when she takes over from me so I can go home and prepare dinner)....that is when she has them alone.

marylou1977 · 01/03/2019 13:48

I never had animals and I would not clean up anyone else’s animals poo. I might get an animal if there was such a thing as a shitless dog.

AryaStarkWolf · 01/03/2019 14:26

@howwillwedeal, I mean it is possible that she didn't notice it. I don't know about anyone else but I'm still half asleep early in the mornings for a fair while after I get up

howwillwedeal · 01/03/2019 14:28

@AryaStarkWolf if she didn't notice it, genuine mistake but if she saw it and opened a door onto it then she's all types of wrong! She could've just called OP.

2anddone · 01/03/2019 14:34

Not rtft however after working as a nanny, mothers help, au pair and childminder at various points over the last 25 years I have never and will never clean up after someone else's dog...and I have my own.
So many liabilities are taken with people working in childcare I feel that's a step too far!!
I would have either moved the door mat to get out the front door or gone out the back, I certainly wouldn't have woken someone if they were not needing to get up early!

2anddone · 01/03/2019 14:36

And before anyone says anything I make it very clear at interview that clearing up after dogs are not in my job description...neither is gardening or cleaning windows!!!

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 01/03/2019 14:45

My dog did used to let himself outside to go to the toilet- unfortunately we couldn’t teach him to shut the door on the way back in. Hence we’d wake up freezing at 2am, with a gail blowing outside, and the dog snoring happily on the sofa!

howwillwedeal · 01/03/2019 14:46

So many liabilities are taken with people working in childcare I feel that's a step too far!!

I assume you mean liberties?

What you've said is fair, totally understandable. It's the smearing it everywhere if the au pair had noticed it. That's the UR part (although I would clear it up).