Hi,
Needing the opinions of new mums really on this please.
A friend from work who I (thought I) got on really well with recently had her baby before Christmas. As colleagues we used to talk or message each other on a daily basis about all sorts of stuff ranging from work issues to family, friends, what we were up to etc. sent each other pictures of random stuff and just generally had a laugh and a giggle. I always thought we got on really well, she used to talk to me about things that were affecting her and she told me she sometimes felt excluded by other members of our team and also of family problems she would be having, I always felt a close bond with her for telling me stuff like that.
The thing is she went on maternity leave before Christmas and I said to her before she left to stay in touch. I thought it would be best to leave her alone for the most part while she was off as I didn't want to be too overbearing. I messaged her a couple of times asking how things were going and she responded but not on the daily basis like we talked before. Then a matter of weeks passed without any contact from her and I then messaged her shortly before baby was due to wish her luck and hoped everything went ok to which I got a thanks.
Then the due date passed and the next thing I heard was a message off our boss to say she'd had the baby and sent some pics. At that time I just felt so hurt that she hadn't bothered to let me know herself after everything we had spoken about before!! I messaged the boss to tell him to pass my congratulations on to her as I didn't feel like I could do it myself. In hindsight I realise she probably did this out of convenience at the time and that it wasn't personal but I didn't initiate any contact myself as I was still quite hurt at the time.
I then received a message from her a few weeks later that was nothing to do with the baby but just some random chit chat stuff, I messaged back and told her baby was lovely etc and she said thanks and again we talked for a bit that day and the next and eventually we got on about Christmas parties and I asked if she was wanting to do anything. She said she would try but it depended on whether she could get anyone to have the baby, I said we could just do lunch or go for coffee and she should bring baby with her but I never got a response. So I thought I would leave it for her to come back to me about it, which she never did.
After that I never heard anything from her until Christmas day when I got what looked like a generic copy/paste merry Christmas message, I wished her one back but that was it, no further reply or anything.
So a few weeks later I asked how she was getting on again and if we would get chance to meet her new baby etc and she said everything was ok and she would sort something. Again that was the end of that.
So I asked again a couple of weeks after that and this time she said she had been messaging the boss about arranging to meet him for lunch. This time I just felt absolutely betrayed, that she'd made the effort to keep in touch with him and arranged to meet him for lunch (even though they've never bothered with anything like that before) but didn't have the common decency to stay in touch with me. So I left it there and I haven't heard from her since.
It's really annoyed me that she has made the time to meet her other friends and even go out for drinks with them, she has even arranged to meet new friends that she's made through baby clubs etc. I get that she has other friends that she classes as her real friends but I just can't believe that she can't find an hour out of her day to meet me for lunch or anything after everything we have been through and talked about. I've tried so hard at work to include her in things and made such an effort to be there for her and be a friend and it just feels like she has used me when she needed an ally and now she doesn't need me I have just been discarded.
I know she will be emotional at the moment and have other things on her plate, but she's still found time for other people and these are people that she's even complained to me about at times.
I just wanted the opinions of new mums really to hear what's going through your heads at times like this as I don't know if I'm just being a selfish idiot myself, but it's really been getting me down as I feel like I am losing a friend no matter how hard I try with her... or maybe I've been a fool and she was never really my friend?