Do some people know how rude they are?

[MsHopey]

So a woman stops me in asda, looks at my 19mo in the troey and then looks at my 31 week pregnant bump and says "oh, you're going to have your hands full, don't worry, it'll help you lose that extra weight."
Erm, charming. And I never know what to say in situations where people are rude but are smiling and chatting, I feel like it would be weird to say or do anything other than just carry on smiling at them.
Do these people even know what they are saying when it comes out their mouth?

Jeez . You should have replied "Shame there's nothing to help you lose your unpleasant personality".

To lift a quote from game of thrones, there’s no cure for being a c*..

I have no idea what goes through people’s minds. Once I was dealing with a toddler who was having a wicked tantrum and some old cow in a shop went “I see you can’t cope with him” literally just fuck off please

I think with something like that It’s all in the interpretation and perception. I think what she probably meant was that with two under two you’ll be running round like a bluearsed fly and the pregnancy weight will drop off. Not rude. You heard “You’re fat”.

"Did you mean to be so rude?" Is a good standby, but I now prefer to let the other person feel the awkwardness. Stop talking and stare with raised eyebrow.

I think what she probably meant was that with two under two you’ll be running round like a bluearsed fly and the pregnancy weight will drop off. Not rude. You heard “You’re fat”.
This ^^ Completely. Women get pegnant, they put on weight. Most women want to lose the weight afterwards. Running around looking after 2 children will help that. She's acknowledging that fact, albeit without any need for it. Don't automatically jump to a negative conclusion when there's an alternative positive one available - it only makes you feel crappy while the other person is completely unaffected either way.

I can't believe posters are trying to justify this woman's rude comments. You don't comment on a woman's weight, especially not a pregnant woman, who is a complete stranger!

Would those defending her actually say these things themselves? My goodness.

Yanbu at all op. She was spectacularly rude.

I think with something like that It’s all in the interpretation and perception. I think what she probably meant was that with two under two you’ll be running round like a bluearsed fly and the pregnancy weight will drop off. Not rude. You heard “You’re fat”.

Of course it's rude. If the OP was seeing a GP, dietician or fitness coach and had specifically mentioned concerns with losing baby weight, that might have been an appropriate comment in the context of a conversation about weightless. Not uninvited from a stranger in a supermarket.

You'd really have to have a tin ear for appropriate context to not understand that it's rude to comment , uninvited, on the body of a complete stranger.

I’m not defending her, just pointing out there can be a huge gap between intention and perception. Her answer to the famous MN question about meaning to be rude would probably be no.

I think what she probably meant was that with two under two you’ll be running round like a bluearsed fly and the pregnancy weight will drop off. Not rude. You heard “You’re fat”.

This ^

She obviously meant pregnancy weight!

Everyone gains extra weight in pregnancy and will have some to lose, you will lose quickly as you're going to be very busy with two under two.

The woman I guess was middle aged and not of the easily offended snowflake generation?

I am fat. I just don't think there is a situation where a stranger should be mentioning it to me.
I would never say something like that to anyone else because someone elses weight is really none of my business. I'm not happy being fat and I was fat pre pregnancy but I just don't think it's a random woman's place to bring it up.
Whether she meant it as rude or not (which is what I'm curious about) she commented about the fact I'm fat without any need, which I think is pretty odd in any social circumstances.

Which of the following is more likely?

A) A passing stranger stopped to coo over your baby and then accidently said something clumsy.
B) A passing stranger stopped to coo over your baby and then called you fat to shit all over your day, possibly cackling with glee as she walked away.

Learn to let things like this wash over you.

I wouldn’t have said that but I agree with PP’s interpretation of her words. She meant the very temporary pregnancy weight. Don’t sweat the wee things.

She probably didn't look at you and think 'she's fat', she probably thought 'she's pregnant' and maybe she thought she'd try and be encouraging in case the thought of losing the PREGNANCY weight was getting you down by saying that you'd lose it rushing around.
Seriously, why would a complete stranger come up to you to imply you were fat? They wouldn't. So don't assume it. Assume the best instead.

Oh she probably intended the best. It's still crappy to comment on somebody else's weight.

Everyone gains extra weight in pregnancy

nope. Gained around 3 kg with #1 and 4 kg with #2.

Some people really don't know what is coming out of their mouths, their brain is just moving too fast.

Some of them realise as they walk away and cringe.

It's best to assume people aren't trying to be rude until they prove the opposite, it makes the world go smoother.

Most people don’t mean to be rude. Some people are desperately awkward with words, say something stupid like in the OP and then beat themselves up and are mortified for weeks about it.

If you are confident and happy in yourself you can let other people off the hook for being a bit rubbish at times.

nope. Gained around 3 kg with #1 and 4 kg with #2

That's still weight gain, albeit only half a stone or so.

nope. Gained around 3 kg with #1 and 4 kg with #2

Omg 🤦🏽‍♀️

My sister is pregnant with her first as is starting to get the unsolicited comments, she's less than pleased.
The only response is to be as snarky and rude back.

I had this on holiday last year. A woman was chatting to my then 2 yo daughter, looked at my stomach and said to me 'oh, and you've got another one on the way'. No, I hadn't.
I explained it was just pizza, giving her a chance to laugh it off but she said 'oh, then you're carrying extra weight'.
I don't think she had any idea it could be rude! Still makes me and my boyfriend laugh though.

That's still weight gain, albeit only half a stone or so.

well, yes, of course. But it wasn't the kind of weight gain that rude people comment on IYSWIM? I often got asked if I was sure I was pregnant since you could barely tell until about 7.5 months. Still rude, IMO

Basically people should engage their internal editor more.

A man (customer) tried to exorcise my daughter while she was having a meltdown in a church cafe.

I'm sure we've all had worse.
Me included.
I once ruined my hair in a terrible (easily avoided) bleaching accident, I cried, I had it chopped into a super short pixie cut as that's literally all the hair that was left.
In the supermarket and I'm just buying myself a drink, the man in front says "oh, I've got lots of shopping, you can pop in front of me". Super nice of him, I say thank you and he suddenly gasps and replies "bloody hell, I thought you were a bloke!" 🤦🏻‍♀️
I was mortified and I'd already been feeling shitty about the haircut, I do think it's not intentional as I like to think most people don't go out their way to be arseholes. But some people do need a better filter.

The contributors to AIBU are pretty rude most of the time.