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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my colleague?

101 replies

HeyNannyNanny · 27/02/2019 13:31

I work in a private household as a Nanny.
There are several chauffeurs but during the week my charge and I typically have the same one. He's lovely though he could potentially be awful and I wouldn't know as we don't share a common language.

I dread having to get into the car as it absolutely reeks of smoke. I'm not sure if he's smoking a particular kind of tobacco but the smell is very heavy and genuinely makes me feel nauseas every time we travel (spend about an hour or so in the car each day).
He never smokes in the car, but smokes outside of it and comes straight into the car after.

The smell is so bad it has made me sick several times (and I'm rarely sick, and not usually a princess about such things I swear) and I'm getting quite concerned about the air quality and the secondhand smoke risks for my charge.

The car never smells when my boss is being driven.

WIBU to have a word with the Mum/Dad (bosses) about this?

I hate the idea of snitching and he's obviously within his rights to smoke, and doesn't actually do it in the car or on the property but it truly is foul in that car.

Im worried he'll get in trouble and I'm selfishly worried about my relationship with him, as it'll be obvious who has said something and I have to see him every day.

OP posts:
Threewheeler1 · 27/02/2019 15:35

HeyNanny
That sounds really lonely Sad
Think I would actually lose the plot very quickly.
Not sure what you can do about the smoking chauffeur. Maybe lots of coughing followed by a hefty squirt of air freshener every time you get in the car? That should be internationally understood Grin
Secondhand smoke is really pongy, even if you like the odd fag, so I can sympathise. I have an elderly man who always sits next to me on the bus thinks I'm his bus girlfriend and he reeks so much I'm gipping by the time I get off.

MadameDD · 27/02/2019 15:45

Use the manager as a go between to say what you don't want to happen.

Feeding stray dogs is a bit sad. Can't see here but are you having Russian lessons as you should be?

One of my friends works as a recruitment consultant for an agency dealing with HNI - so basically staff for rich families - can be anything from being a nanny to being an accountant for them - I know for a fact that especially for her Russian clients - they expect all English or non Russian speaking staff to speak Russian - it's on their job adverts on the agency site and the Russians prefer to deal with someone who can speak the lingo.

I'm not saying I disbelieve your post but it seems strange that you can't even have a basic conversation with other staff members in Russian bar a few words especially if you're such a high sought after well paid nanny.

MadameDD · 27/02/2019 15:47

Also it does sound like you lack communication skills to deal with this colleague - e.g. via your manager (the one who can speak to him in Russian). It's not that hard to do...

donajimena · 27/02/2019 15:53

As an aside can you do an AMA?.Grin I'm intrigued

Original poster
HeyNannyNanny · 27/02/2019 16:02

For reference the Manager IS my boss, that's why it was in quotes

OP posts:
Original poster
HeyNannyNanny · 27/02/2019 16:03

already did an AMA a few months ago Smile

OP posts:
KaliforniaDreamz · 27/02/2019 16:06

Are you the nanny that has posted previously about being in the middle east? i love your posts.
Good luck x

Positivelypractical · 27/02/2019 16:06

200+ words sounds amazing, Russian is really hard. I did a GCSE in it, and have forgotten most of it because I never use it, but it is really difficult. Not like Portuguese, really hard. I think you are getting a hard time for asking a reasonable question.

KaliforniaDreamz · 27/02/2019 16:07

ooh cross post...

Wordle · 27/02/2019 16:10

Re him not doing it around your boss - Your boss has probably had he same problem you have and told him not to smoke.

Can you not just get him to make it clear the same goes for you and his child too?

Bellatrix14 · 27/02/2019 16:13

Your outburst made me laugh. But then it wasn’t directed at me Wink

I think it’s a tricky one, you’re basically saying “You smell bad, I don’t like it. Could you do something about it?” and that is probably never going to go down well. We had a friend at sixth form who had a bad case of BO, and (rightly or wrongly) none of us wanted to mention it to him because we didn’t want to upset him. I think as long as he’s not smoking in the car it’s going to be tricky to do anything about it.

ciderhouserules · 27/02/2019 16:18

I think people think that learning a different language is easy - all you need to do is be resident there for a few months, and you 'just pick it up'!

You don't.

Russian (like most of the languages on the planet) is really hard. Much harder than English. I spent 6 months in a European city, having spent decades learning the language, and I'm still not fluent. I can get by, that's all. The grammar (and this includes Russian) involves cases and genders that we don't even have in English, so it's difficult to know when to use them.

Fair play to you, OP for your travels. I'd love to do that.

Birdsgottafly · 27/02/2019 16:19

The child deserves the same consideration that his boss (the child's Parents) do.

If he doesn't smell like that around him, he knows there's an issue, but doesn't think it matters.

Speaking to your Manager is the way to go.

MadameDD · 27/02/2019 16:43

I don't think Russian is easy to learn at all - my friend who is Polish learned Russian in high school but I think both languages are quite similar.

But I do struggle with a Nanny only being employed to speak in English with a Russian/English speaking child and not being able to understand her Russian colleagues, especially when I know from speaking with my friend that family office type jobs where they would also employ nannies - especially with Russia - usually insist staff speak Russian.

Maybe it's different for the nanny who knows...

ILikeyourHairyHands · 27/02/2019 16:50

Are you in Ulaanbaatar? I have a friend who works in the oil industry who was posted there. It's dreadful apparently!

MadameDD · 27/02/2019 16:57

Wait - just googled Russian speaking nannies etc and they don't have to learn Russian....

quite a few articles state how hard you work for your money, you're normally one of a few nannies etc.

Although there may not be colleges as such to learn the language, there are usually if you ask around, a native speaker who if you pay them will at least do language classes with you for conversation - my mum did this in London to learn French.

I seriously would invest in these classes, despite you saying OP you want to spend your spare time looking after your other business interests only because it means you can maybe understand a bit what the other staff say (and you are staff despite being so sought after etc) and also then you can communicate (with tact of course) to people like this chauffeur.

However if he doesn't smoke in the car when the parents (main bosses) are there then maybe he feels there is a hierarchy and he can smoke around you and the child etc. So as I said before, then, your manager should speak to him, not the parents (personally I wouldn't bother the parents with this as it's trivial and also you're also snitching on him if you speak to the parents about him smoking when he drives you and the child).

Meangirls36 · 27/02/2019 16:58

Sounds like he's smoking weird strong tobacco or a pipe/cigars. You can get anti tobacco air freshener and febreze. But I would ask him to stick to lights or rollies. Maybe just buy him a nice disposable electronic cigarette. He will then smell like artificial cherries or something.

Belenus · 27/02/2019 18:16

OP if you want to avoid talking about this, I would try masking the smell. Lavender or peppermint oil on your upper lip may help. Vicks, if you can get hold of it there, should also do the trick.

BlueSlipperSocks · 27/02/2019 18:42

average salary here is roughly £250 a month, so probably? The working conditions aren't great either, there's no real employment law

Your colleagues smoking habits are the least of your problems! What's stopping you from moving to find a job with decent pay?

Original poster
HeyNannyNanny · 27/02/2019 19:05

That sounds really lonely

It's not too bad. I have my volleyball with a handprint face for company and, weirdly, there's a local Dominoes pizza.

For those who don't believe me...feel free to search my Username on both Mumsnet and Google... I think you'll find my name is linked to a LOT of content that proves my position.

Also, just to throw it in there, I was the nanny trapped in the haunted mansion in Colorado a few years ago, if any of you remember that.

If I'm making it up then I'm at least very committed to it.

they expect all English or non Russian speaking staff to speak Russian That's interesting because in my experience most families prefer the English staff to NOT speak the language, as its seen as an invasion of privacy.

As I've said, whilst I've been in the country 6 months - its never been more that 3 or 4 weeks at a time as well travel a lot. And my job is to be as English as possible around the child.

OP posts:
KaliforniaDreamz · 27/02/2019 20:57

I knew i recognised you!
LOVE your posts!
Glad to hear you're ok, despite the smoke! xx

Belenus · 27/02/2019 21:33

What's stopping you from moving to find a job with decent pay?

What's stopping your from reading and understanding the OP's posts?

ThorsMistress · 28/02/2019 05:22

I believe you but thought I would be nosey and google your username.....:

To report my colleague?
Original poster
HeyNannyNanny · 28/02/2019 06:53

@ThorsMistress oh god I know, that's new and I'm fairly confident not actually slang.

My username is a play the old Elizabethan "hey nonny nonny" you sometimes find in poetry

OP posts:
ittooshallpass · 28/02/2019 07:29

I would speak to your manager/ boss. Tell him you are of a very delicate English nature and can't tolerate cigarette smoke. In fact most English people are the same, hence the ban on smoking in England Grin

Explain you know it's odd but it is making you sick - which means you feel you can't do your job properly.

If you put the 'blame' on yourself then hopefully you can deal with the issue with no offence.