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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my colleague?

101 replies

HeyNannyNanny · 27/02/2019 13:31

I work in a private household as a Nanny.
There are several chauffeurs but during the week my charge and I typically have the same one. He's lovely though he could potentially be awful and I wouldn't know as we don't share a common language.

I dread having to get into the car as it absolutely reeks of smoke. I'm not sure if he's smoking a particular kind of tobacco but the smell is very heavy and genuinely makes me feel nauseas every time we travel (spend about an hour or so in the car each day).
He never smokes in the car, but smokes outside of it and comes straight into the car after.

The smell is so bad it has made me sick several times (and I'm rarely sick, and not usually a princess about such things I swear) and I'm getting quite concerned about the air quality and the secondhand smoke risks for my charge.

The car never smells when my boss is being driven.

WIBU to have a word with the Mum/Dad (bosses) about this?

I hate the idea of snitching and he's obviously within his rights to smoke, and doesn't actually do it in the car or on the property but it truly is foul in that car.

Im worried he'll get in trouble and I'm selfishly worried about my relationship with him, as it'll be obvious who has said something and I have to see him every day.

OP posts:
Tomtontom · 27/02/2019 14:27

The child is probably used to everything smelling of smoke!

HedgePlastic · 27/02/2019 14:28

What you're talking about is 3rd hand smoke. 1st hand smoke is smokeing yourself, 2nd hand smoke is breathing in while someone's smoking in the same room (breathing in exhaled smoke). 3rd hand is smelling it on someone's clothes/hair, and is not a danger past infancy. Not a princess, my arse.

bibizizi · 27/02/2019 14:33

Feeding stray dogs, bless you!

DoyouthinkIcare · 27/02/2019 14:36

I've just returned from 8 years in a very isolated city in Russia and I can assure you that smoking in the workplace is definitely illegal, in fact smoking in the street is illegal but I never saw that bit enforced!

Belenus · 27/02/2019 14:37

£250 a month? Can I ask why you went there if your from UK, or are you from UK? Surely if they can afford nannies and chauffeurs then they must have a bob or 2, and yet they pay you slave labour wages, well compared to the UK, this is a weekly wage in the UK

The OP says it's the average wage, she doesn't say what she gets paid.

Iwrotethissongfor · 27/02/2019 14:37

Well problem solved now you’ve realised the other nanny (who you state is Russian and usually passes on instructions on where you’re going with your charge) can speak to him.

roses2 · 27/02/2019 14:38

Get the other nanny to tell him!

Missmother · 27/02/2019 14:39

@Belenus fair enough but I very much doubt she’s getting much more, if this is the average wage then maybe hers is more but no more than £400 at a guess. Still shit.

Springisallaround · 27/02/2019 14:42

A quick google tells me that 60% of Russian men smoke, so your chances of finding a chauffeur who doesn't smoke is fairly minimal. I think you are exaggerating,

frogmarchheaven · 27/02/2019 14:44

pershalsta... knee nada koor-eet. ya knee loob loo. plokha dell ya dye-tee.

'Please don't smoke. I don't like it. It is bad for the child.'

However, this is bound to be met with a grunt and will be ignored.

Russia is very patriarchal and yes, everybody smokes.

Original poster
HeyNannyNanny · 27/02/2019 14:45

@Bluntness100
You have it spot on. In fact I'm going to go after the housekeeper next, her hair colour offends me. My plan is to use the little girl (who I've spent the last 6 months manipulating into doing my bidding without question or complaint) to undermine all the other staff in my ultimate domination of the household. I actually don't have a single ounce of knowledge or experience in Child Psychology or Education - I'm just in it to fuck over my colleagues.
It's baffling as to why I am one of the most sought after Nanny/Governesses in the industry, with a salary in the six figures and a waiting list of clients who, despite being multimillionaires or billionaires with thriving businesses of their own, clearly don't vet the one employee with complete access to their most precious "possession" and employed someone with no tolerance for others and a disposition to manipulate children for person again.
What a fuck up.

OP posts:
Original poster
HeyNannyNanny · 27/02/2019 14:46

@Missmother that's the local average salary. I'm paid a lot more than that as my role counts as a specialist one.

OP posts:
GottaGoGottaGo · 27/02/2019 14:46

You have been in Russia for 6 months but speak virtually no Russian? Do you live in total silence, not talking to a soul?? How do you communicate with your charge? Even if you can't find someone to help you, there are loads of online courses, Rosetta Stone for a start, there are courses you can download to your phone, just have a search on amazon. You could even start with a Russian for kids one...

I've never been in a foreign country where someone isn't happy to practice their English whilst you practice too.

As for your poor colleague, it's not his fault he comes from a smoking culture and you don't, a mime / sign language conversation about the situation is easily do-able and definitely preferable to possibly getting him into trouble!

lumpinmythroat · 27/02/2019 14:46

Are you a nanny in Siberia?

Original poster
HeyNannyNanny · 27/02/2019 14:50

Get the other nanny to tell him that's gonna be my first action. Her English isn't great but better than his and hopefully I can take more time to explain to her and not cause offence.

And yes, I haven't learned that much Russian in 6 months. Of the 6 months I've had the job, 8 or 9 weeks have been spent travelling with the family.
I talk English with the child, that's the main point of my job.
Online courses I really struggle with, and I spend all my free time on my UK based business which I'm hoping will support me when I leave this job.

OP posts:
Original poster
HeyNannyNanny · 27/02/2019 14:51

@Bluntness100 I'm sorry. I apologise for my outburst, it was unnecessary. I'm in a terrible mood today, I could have disagreed with you without being a cow about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
HeyNannyNanny · 27/02/2019 14:55

I've been really sad and counted all the words I know, about 230 - but I did lose count halfway so I maybe a couple out.

OP posts:
M3lon · 27/02/2019 15:00

I think bluntness can probably take it as well as they dish it out.....

JingsMahBucket · 27/02/2019 15:05

@HeyNannyNanny that wasn’t an outburst and I thought you were totally justified in being snarky to a lot of the posters who are being mean and sarcastic to you. 😂 People are showing their ignorance.

I would stop describing where you are though because it’s pretty outing. From your mention of the stray dogs and it not being like Russia, I already have an inkling of where you might be.

As for the smoke thing, YANBU I think because sometimes that stuff really does smell and linger, especially depending on the brand of cigarette. Because he’s smoking right before entering the car, it’s a form of secondhand smoke. I would use your charge as the excuse and tell him via Google translate app that the child doesn’t like it or thinks it’s stinky. He’d honestly be more afraid of the child saying something to the parent than of you owning the issue, know what I mean? Ask him to wait 15 min before getting into the car. If he has the daily schedule anyway, he should know to time his cigarette breaks.

This is really difficult and I understand. Being in a place where you can’t communicate with others is scary at times.

seafoodudon · 27/02/2019 15:06

Oh no - your situation sounds rubbish. I'd definitely get the child to say something.... I'm sure you can find some British age appropriate propaganda about the dangers of smoking that you're using for 'English reading comprehension' and get her to repeat it to everyone she sees smoking for the next ten years (well that's what the UK education system appeared to do pretty effectively in the mid 90s - I remember hiding all my gran's cigarette packets around the house). Good luck! It must be rather miserable but I hope you're managing to save effectively and will be able to do something more exciting (and sociable) when you return.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/02/2019 15:07

I think you are totally in your right if this guy is modifying his behaviour when the boss is around. Good plan to speak to the other nanny.

Original poster
HeyNannyNanny · 27/02/2019 15:09

@seafoodudon she now wears a seat belt and forces everyone else to because of this exact technique Grin

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 27/02/2019 15:16

Seriously? I don’t speak Portuguese (ok, I do have one word - obrigado) and my cleaner doesn’t speak English. We communicate perfectly well with google translate. You choose the words you put in so they aren’t colloquialisms etc and if you are paranoid check it by running the Russian it gives you back through a different online translator.

PuppyMonkey · 27/02/2019 15:18

I’m sorry I have no other suggestions about the dilemma, but I’d very much like to write a novel based on you OP? Thinking of calling it “The Smoking Chauffeur.” Or something.

FrogsAreMean · 27/02/2019 15:34

I personally loved your 'outburst' it made me Grin