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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what do you do when your husband is in a terrible mood?

55 replies

Waterbottle1999 · 27/02/2019 07:48

My DH's computer broke, he had built it himself and was so upset when it died. He's been walking around the house dejected all day and nothing I can say or do helps so, what do you do when your OH is right down in the dumps?

OP posts:

Fazackerley · 27/02/2019 07:49

Nothing. Might make him a cup of tea. He doesn't normally sulk for long.

OftenHangry · 27/02/2019 08:14

Nothing. Offer a beer.

Fiveredbricks · 27/02/2019 08:17

Question... What does he do for you when you're in a terrible mood?

There is your answer.

Adversecamber22 · 27/02/2019 08:17

Mine is not a sulker but I can see why yours is upset. I would just offer sympathy and a tea and then let him get on with it.

ThePants999 · 27/02/2019 08:18

Stay out of his way.

PositiveVibez · 27/02/2019 08:25

It doesn't sou d like he is in a mood. More upset because something he has worked on has broken.

But I can't be doing with sulking I'm afraid. I would be sympathetic for a couple of hours, but then I would be telling him to buck up. Try and fix it or suggest taking it to a repair shop.

drspouse · 27/02/2019 08:26

He asks me what's up. So I do the same.

IAmNotAWitch · 27/02/2019 08:27

Ask if there is anything I can do. If not leave him be.

DH isn't inclined to "moods" though and mostly shakes things off.

Strugglingtodomybest · 27/02/2019 08:27

Sounds like he's sad rather than in a bad mood, so I would leave him alone apart from offering him drinks and a cuddle if he wanted one.

Goldmandra · 27/02/2019 08:27

Does he expect you to do something to make it better for him?

Does he understand that you aren't responsible for the computer breaking or for his mood? Is how he is acting in keeping with this understanding?

Adults generally accept that when something goes wrong, they can be cross or upset, express that to their nearest and dearest and expect a bit of tea and sympathy. However, beyond that, they just need to suck it up and get on with life.

I would offer the tea and sympathy, have a conversation about how to resolve the issue (order parts, buy a new PC, save up) and then fully expect life to go on as usual.

Snowflakes1122 · 27/02/2019 08:31

I’d help him look for solutions to the problem. Working out how he can build another, or get it fixed if it’s not totally beyond repair.

Solutions are better than moping around.

The big question for me is, is he being moody towards you and unkind? Or just upset m/moody at the situation? Never stand for the fort. No one should take it out on a loved one

Bloomini · 27/02/2019 08:34

I'd stop pandering to his moods and asking what I could do to help. There's one thing him being sad or upset at the computer being broken but skulking around the house about it all day long and bringing everyone else down would not wash with me for very long I'm afraid.

gokartdillydilly · 27/02/2019 08:39

He's sulking because his computer died? And making everyone else's lives a misery? He needs to grow up

Dvg · 27/02/2019 08:44

don't get it, cant he fix it? / get it fixed? If he can build a PC then i'm sure he knows how to fix one as they arnt that difficult to fix

MaMaMaMySharona · 27/02/2019 08:45

If I'm honest, if my DP was in a mood over something so trivial I would leave him to it.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 27/02/2019 08:45

What's the difference between being upset and sulking?
Sounds like he's upset to me, it's not the same thing.
I'm down, far more than DH, so I wouldn't judge him harshly for being upset about something.

TheVanguardSix · 27/02/2019 08:46

Offer tea and sympathy and crack on with my own stuff, which means giving him space.

ShartGoblin · 27/02/2019 08:50

don't get it, cant he fix it? / get it fixed? If he can build a PC then i'm sure he knows how to fix one as they arnt that difficult to fix

Agreed, a broken computer is much less of a problem when you build them yourself as it's cheaper and easier to replace the part that was broken than the whole thing. Is he upset because he feels like he built something and it failed? Computer parts fail all the time, it's no reflection on his skill. My computer is very much like triggers broom, anyone that builds computers will be much the same.

MatildaTheCat · 27/02/2019 08:51

Obviously it depends. If it’s something serious I’m attentive and supportive. Lost football match less so. Can’t play golf because it’s raining, not much at all.

Broken computer would be mid point. Ask how he’s planning to fix it, make tea, ask how it’s going. If he sits wringing his hands at that point I’m out.

Confusedalarms · 27/02/2019 08:58

A BJ always cheers my DH up.

Dvg · 27/02/2019 08:58

@ShartGoblin

Exactly , I've built many pcs and every one of them has been a nightmare and broke in some way haha , parts needing to be re bought and me accidentally putting things in wrong but its a learning curve and i managed to fix them all in no time and if i didn't know how i looked on youtube to see how to fix it.

JudgeRindersMinder · 27/02/2019 09:11

Over a computer? I’d hand him a grip and wish I had his problems

downcasteyes · 27/02/2019 09:12

Honestly, if my husband is upset about something genuine - like a bereavement - I do my best to let him know I care. Cook nice meals, make his favourite deserts, do things that he finds helpful and relaxing, give him time and space to talk if he wants to, and to cry if he needs to.

If he were throwing that kind of a sulk over the death of a computer, though, he'd be sharply told to grow the fuck up.

higgyhog · 27/02/2019 09:16

My DH has been stressed out about work. I ran him a hot bath and took him a glass of wine to drink in it, made his favourite pudding and told him how wonderful he is in general. Lots of big hugs. No suggestions or demands that he do anything on the "to do" list until he felt better.

userschmoozer · 27/02/2019 09:16

There's a difference between being upset because something upsetting has happened, and sulking.
If someone is upset theres nothing you can do to jolly them out of it. The mood will pass in time, just let it happen.

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