Concerned about DNs eating/lack of

[StickyShoess]

DN is 17 months, I have a DD who is 6 days younger so as you can imagine we spend a lot of time together
I’ve started to become a little bit concerned though by how little she eats, or more, that she isn’t really offered much food
She is still having 4/5 bottles of formula a day and is only given ‘baby food’ as in pouches, powdered meals, baby porridge, rusk and not much else
I’ve recently been on a weekend away with them and DN wasn’t offered any breakfast on one of the days (I offered her some on the following 2 days) and when we were out and about during the day she wasn’t given much solids beyond quavers or anything I gave her, one day SIL forgot to pack her any of her baby foods so I said it’s fine we’ll just get her something out and SIL said, no it’s ok she’ll just have an extra bottle - so she wasn’t given anything but a few bites of what I gave DD
She isn’t a huge eater when she does eat, just a few bites here and there and she does get distracted easily but when I’ve babysat and SIL isn’t with us she does actually eat, so it’s not that she’s refusing
She’s slightly taller than DD but much slimmer and lighter, is 2 sizes below in nappies and her trousers/leggings fall down if not rolled over
I’m not really sure what to do but I’m starting to feel very uneasy that she just isn’t being fed
What, if anything, do you think I should do? Or keep my nose out?

Little bump

I don't have any advice for you but I'd be concerned too. You can't just replace food with formula because it's more convenient, she's neglecting her child (though probably not maliciously).

Have you spoken to her about it?

Does SIL not know about feeding a baby, or does she not care? Have you discussed it with her (tactfully)?

I think you need to talk to her. Or to your brother.
Could you say you'd been speaking to your HV about your child's eating and she'd said she should be doing X by now, had she had a similar convo with hers?

Poor little one, maybe try and speak to SIL, difficult situation though.

Could you talk to your SIL about this without it causing an issue?
I think you are right to be concerned. A 17 month old should really be getting most of her nutrition from solid foods and be drinking from a cup with maybe a bottle before bed.
Do you know what the issue is?

That does sound concerning. The poor thing must be hungry!

Do her parents eat well themselves? Do they shop, cook etc ?

Giving her Quavers instead of food is borderline neglect

By that she they should be trying out their teeth on small bits of everything. Feeding formula instead of food is lazy. I would be concerned too.
If she doesn't get into good habits now then she is going to have a battle later.
She needs to understand that kids aren't like adults and should not be skipping meals whilst they grow and use every bit of what goes on their mouths to do so.
Can you speak to sil about it?

I have made the odd comment and I have expressed surprise at her having lots of bottles still but SIL says she still needs the milk because she doesn’t eat much
I think because she doesn’t eat much or doesn’t finish anything (she doesn’t eat a full pouch of food) they just think ‘well she’s not hungry’ And just leave her to it
She is a very happy baby so I think they think she’s fine iyswim
SIL always comments at how much DD eats and just kind of says ‘she (DN) never bloody eats’ and I’m thinking ‘because you don’t give her any food!’

DN isn’t SILs first child btw, she has 2 teenagers

That’s really sad. SIL might not have considered that her dd doesn’t like the baby pouches she is being given. At that age she should be given lots of different foods to try. Most children find at least a few things they like. Fruit, bread, eggs, pasta, yoghurt...

I’m thinking ‘because you don’t give her any food!’

Why don’t you say it instead of thinking it? You must get on well if you go away together

She just sounds like she's lazy, that in turn seems like neglect, that child shouldn't be on that many bottles of milk instead of food or the baby pouches really!
I'd be shopping her to SS for the sake of that child, SIL or not

twooutofthreeaintbad
Why is it the sil and not brother who are lazy?

I would say something next time we were having a meal together to whichever adult is there. If you know the baby eats some foods why dont you invite them round for lunch and serve something she likes and then say "oh look she loves scrambled egg maybe you could try feeding her that"

NotContent when she’s been with me she’s ate all kinds of foods and not turned her nose up at any of them, although struggled with a few textures, probably because she’s never had them before, mostly meats

LovingLola we do get on but only because of our DDs really, so I just don’t know how to go after her parenting when it’s the only thing bonding us
I’m always a big believer in Mum knows best and I really don’t like to comment on people’s parenting, so I just don’t know how - beyond all the comments in every day conversation that I’m already doing

In this case Mum obviously does not know best.
Is she your brothers partner or your dp’s sister?

janet I’m saying SIL because DB works away during the week so it is 95% her, plus DN is his first child but SILs third so I think he thinks she knows what she’s doing so he leaves it up to her mostly
Plus I just don’t see DB much so I’m basing all of this on what I’ve seen, and I generally see DN with SIL

She’s my brothers partner

Blimey my 10 month old is on 3 bottles and 3 meals already and sometimes has snacks... She's a brilliant eater and eats a variety of foods and different textures.

Your DN really needs to be trying more foods and having regular meals, I do think you need to raise it with your DB and SIL - maybe ask if she's scared of weaning DN, did she have a frightening experience with her or her other kids that are preventing her from doing this? At that age solids are supposed to be their main nutrition.

I think you should discuss it with your health visitor (assuming you can find them - mine seems to have disappeared). They'll know if this is something that needs swift intervention or something that can be left, and they'd hopefully know who you'd report it to.
It sounds like you're trying your best, if you were to bring it up to DSIL she'd probably get defensive and it would end up damaging your relationship, and wouldn't help. It doesn't sound like this is just ignorance on her part and that she needs a guiding hand, it's laziness and she needs a kick up the arse.

I would outright say something. At seventeen months she should almost be given what the family eat within reason and eating baby pouches etc is going to affect her speech in the longer term.

I wouldn’t beat around the bush about this though tbh I would ask outright why she doesn’t feed her child.

If she’s a fussy child (and a lot are at this age) then that could be why, but other than that there’s no valid reason for not giving her actual meals.

And neither would I be playing games along the lines of “my HV said.....” etc I would just come out with it. What’s the worst that can happen here?

FWIW they don’t need to be eating everything in sight at this age but they do need to be given textural differences etc

How do you get on with your brother could you speak with him ?

Sounds like lazy parents, sorry (both parents!). I get that it's tempting to let kids sit there with bottles and pouches rather than dealing with the hassle of food (mess, fussiness, having to help them eat), but she risks nutritional deficiency if she is too dependent on formula and this is not encouraging good habits from a long term point of view.

And those baby pouch things have a lot to answer for. They were originally introduced as a handy way to give small babies puree--they seem to have morphed into a long-term convenience food for some families who can't be bothered to feed kids normal food.