Concerned about DNs eating/lack of

[StickyShoess]

DN is 17 months, I have a DD who is 6 days younger so as you can imagine we spend a lot of time together
I’ve started to become a little bit concerned though by how little she eats, or more, that she isn’t really offered much food
She is still having 4/5 bottles of formula a day and is only given ‘baby food’ as in pouches, powdered meals, baby porridge, rusk and not much else
I’ve recently been on a weekend away with them and DN wasn’t offered any breakfast on one of the days (I offered her some on the following 2 days) and when we were out and about during the day she wasn’t given much solids beyond quavers or anything I gave her, one day SIL forgot to pack her any of her baby foods so I said it’s fine we’ll just get her something out and SIL said, no it’s ok she’ll just have an extra bottle - so she wasn’t given anything but a few bites of what I gave DD
She isn’t a huge eater when she does eat, just a few bites here and there and she does get distracted easily but when I’ve babysat and SIL isn’t with us she does actually eat, so it’s not that she’s refusing
She’s slightly taller than DD but much slimmer and lighter, is 2 sizes below in nappies and her trousers/leggings fall down if not rolled over
I’m not really sure what to do but I’m starting to feel very uneasy that she just isn’t being fed
What, if anything, do you think I should do? Or keep my nose out?

Oof this got my palms sweaty as I'm very aware that's I'm the a great cook and I worrry I'm holding my 9 month old back by giving too many purees.
I agree speak to your health visitor for advice. Also do you have a first 1000 days person where you are? They could help? You need advice on A) if this is a problem B) what you can do to support your SIL so she understands what to do and has the tools to do it.
There's a great website called First steps Nutrition and there's a booklet with recipes and portion sizes up to a year, another one for toddlers, reassuring evidence based advice.
I think your instinct is totally right and it's sensitive but it's essential your DN gets nutrition, not optional.

Thankyou all for your thoughts
I’m definitely going to say something properly and maybe ask if she’s had a bad experience with weaning - that’s something I hadn’t thought of
I just need to think of the least offensive way to say it now

Good for you!

You could be right, and you could be wrong.

I had aged 17 months.

Dd1-who would eat in a day:
Wake up-milk.
Breakfast: Good sized bowl of porridge.
Whole banana for mid morning snack
Lunch: 2 fish fingers with chips and peas followed by yoghurt
Then a good amount of milk
When she woke she'd have a biscuit/breadsticks.
Dinner would be something like lasagne followed by something like apple pie.
Then a good deal of milk before bedtime.

Then I had dd2: She would eat in the equivalent time:
Breakfast (refused)
She'd refuse anything to eat until just about lunch time. Then she'd have perhaps a bite of bread on a good day and maybe a piece of cucumber, and perhaps a spoon of yoghurt.
Refused more than a mouthful of milk
After sleep she might accept a biscuit. Might eat a raisin or two on a good day.
Dinner she probably would eat a couple of mouthfuls of whatever we were having. If we had tinned sweetcorn then she'd eat a bit of that.
She would have a little bit of milk before bed.

Now I remember staying with my mum when dd2 was about 18 months. I'd complained about her eating. My dm said she couldn't see anything wrong-dd2 just ate when we were there. I was all hopeful for when we got back and despite getting exactly the same as dm had she reverted to her one mouthful and finished.
Whereas with dd1 I'd have given her a full plate of food, and she'd have eaten it, I never gave dd2 more than a tiny amount at a time because from experience, if I gave more than a tiny amount she refused everything. If I gave her three mouth sized bites (except tinned sweetcorn which she ate anytime) she'd eat at least two of them normally. If I gave her more, then she would refuse all.

Now they're teens and at some point around about age 8 each of them changed. Dd1 is now the one who eats a mouthful and stops. Dd2 eats non stop. She ate three bread rolls before dinner tonight.
Although she still prefers to have take a little at a time-she cut the rolls into 1/4s, if I'd given her just one whole one she'd probably have not eaten any.

I don't think I'd have worried about dd2 if she hadn't been so skinny as a baby. She looked starved. She still looks starved despite her appetite, and dd1 looks the perfect weight for her height despite eating very little.

Witchend of course I know some children refuse to eat, but the difference here is that your child was given food to be able to reject, DN is not

Babies like and believe in milk and can't always see the point of food so they might need encouragement. I was advised that a pint of milk( obvs in the dark ages) was plenty for a baby of 12 months and to offer water otherwise for drinks so that my rather conservative DD would feel hungry at meal times. Actually she cottoned on at around this time so I am not sure that restricting the milk was the main factor in her getting going with food but it was the HV's advice at the time.its difficult to advise but her diet sounds very meagre and unbalanced.