To not understand why they think I’ve got depression

[User50000]

I’ve recently gone on sick leave. I used the idiom “I’ve hit a bit of wall” to describe why I was off. Without going into detail. A colleague has now messaged me saying she has also had depression and is here if I want to talk. I’m unsure why the phrase I used lead them to believe I was depressed? It wouldn’t be my first thought if someone had said this to me.

So you’re stressed and off work, but fucked off a colleague who tried to be supportive thinks you’re depressed?

What does it matter? You’re clearly not in the right frame of mind at the moment if this is your reaction!

I think your stress is making you read too much in to it. Your colleague sounds really supportive and even if you aren't depressed, imagine if you were and needed to hear that support from someone. Take it in a good way! I hope you feel better OP

I didn’t want to them to know hencewise when they asked I was vague.

I think you're splitting hairs.

How does your colleague know why your off, aren’t these things meant to be confidential between you and boss plus HR, or just you and boss?

I like most other people would assume younwere saying you were mentally ill. So I think you have to accept this is the conclusion most are drawing from it, I think if you don't want people to know, it's best just to say it is private and leave it there.

They know I’m off work and a couple of them have text me and that was my reply to them.

This is a non-issue. Your colleague was being friendly and offering advice where they thought it may help you.

I didn’t want to them to know hencewise when they asked I was vague

So you vaguely alluded to a mental health problem, and you’re annoyed that they didn’t guess the right one?

It’s fine to be vague but you can’t expect people to get everything right in that case. On the plus side, it sounds like you have a really lovely supportive colleague which will mean so much when you go back.

If you didn’t want them to know then don’t tell them.
But your vague answer does suggest a MH issue and your colleague was clearly trying to be supportive.
TBH your rant on here also suggests a MH issue. Depression does affect your ability to cope with stress and process things rationally.

I've been signed off for stress and depression combined in the past, and for depression caused by workplace stress. I would have thought some kind of breakdown/ exhaustion/ depression or possibly even some kind of ME type thing.

You don't need to answer just because someone asks. You could have skirted the question and just replied 'Hopefully be back at work soon' or something equally inane. Or a more direct 'It's private and I don't want to discuss it.'
Considering the answer you gave, their expectation was reasonable. It sounds as though you think there's more stigma attached to depression than stress.And it's a shame if that's making you feel more stressed

They would have kept on messaging me if I hadn’t answered so I felt I had to give them some sort of answer.

The answer should have been 'thanks for your concern but my reason for absence is private' whereas you gave an answer that pretty much says 'mental health', yabu as this is of your own making, going forward just be more direct in your approach to avoid confusion

Your vague answer led them to think this.
How you can't grasp that, is beyond me!

"Thanks for asking! I'm not well but I hope to be back soon".

I use 'hit a wall' when I am very physically tired but also mentally exhausted so I understand OP.

If I ignore the wall feeling then I go on to anxiety and sometimes depression.

Talking to people, being in a busy place, hearing constant noise of life, is more damaging to me than deep physical tiredness, and my work is very physical so I've had to learn the difference.

Hope you feel better soon OP. Your friend was just trying to be helpful and supportive probably but I hate that when I'm 'there', just want to be left alone but I know people mean well.

It’s human nature to engage in a certain amount of projection when trying to make sense of a situation. Your colleague, who actually has had depression, may have extrapolated from the limited info you gave her in a way that was heavily influenced by her own experiences. Not all your work colleagues will be in the same boat and depression might not be the first thing that comes to mind for them.

Personally, I’d be imagining you as being like a marathon runner hitting the wall because their bodily resources have become depleted and they need to take some water in, eat an energy bar or sit down for a bit and rest.

So I’d be thinking that you were finding yourself under-resourced to deal with some unspecified stressors in your working or personal life and you needed to take time out to recuperate/regenerate. Depression could be a factor in all this but not necessarily.

Please don't let worry about this interfere with your recovery.

I would have said the same thing as you op. And in reply to the colleague, I’d have said I’m not depressed but thanks for the concern. Vague is your friend here.

I would assume the same, depression more than stress as the implication is that you're struggling to overcome a mental health issue but as others have said they often go hand in hand and nothing to be ashamed of.

If you didn't people to know why you're off just say " I'm not well but don't want to talk about it further" or ignore them.

I wouldn’t be able to ring in sick at my work and say I’d “hit a wall”

They would want an actual real reason

OP is creating her own drama here

Well being deliberately vague will lead people to fill in the gaps. If you didn’t want them to know and they guessed wrong , that’s good isn’t it?

Nice supportive colleague though.

You sound like you bring stress on yourself