DP has posted a picture of me

[PinkTicker]

on the group chat for our shared hobby.

He took it without me knowing, I'm recovering from a sickness bug and am in pyjamas and sitting in a very unflattering position which shows all my worst features. I look disgusting.

We were all mucking about with filters but I didn't know he was taking a picture of me or I'd have asked him not to post it or at the very least sat up/ covered up a bit. It's not my imagination - I really do look awful.

This is after I told him earlier how self conscious I was feeling about my appearance and that I hated myself.

I have left the group because I'm so bloody embarrassed and he says I'm overreacting and being petty.

AIBU to be upset?

As an aside if anyone knows how to get rid of the picture from the chat I'd be grateful, I could only see how to delete it from my copy of the thread.

[moosesormeece]

I saw a picture yesterday on Linked In of a very scarcely clothed woman in hospital who had just given birth. Someone had taken a photo of her partner with the new baby, and she was in the background. He'd sent it to work. His work had posted it on Linked In with a congratulations message. Someone I am connected with liked it, and so it came up on my feed. I have no idea who this man or his partner are, I have no dealings with the company he works for, the person who 'liked' it is only a very casual acquaintance, and yet this appeared on my computer in the middle of the working day. I can't imagine she's pleased about it - I certainly wouldn't be.

I'm not opposed to social media but I really don't think people think hard enough about what they're doing with it.

[CoraPirbright]

he made the decision here to post an unflattering picture of you for laughs. He valued his status in the group more than your right to dignity.

Downcasteyes puts it perfectly. He is a twat and some serious grovelling is in order (the sort that he actually means)

[earlyrisingcat]

@Lightofday

The fact that you had just mentioned you were feeling self conscious and he then posts an obviously unflattering picture... Smacks of deliberate and spiteful intent if you ask me. And then the whole 'you're over reacting' crap... tell me, is he prone to being a manipulative gaslighting wankstain? Or is this a mysterious one off? (Doubt it).

Here the thing, there are certain sorts of ppl that stomp on you, when you expose your weakness to them. It isn't normal behaviour from someone who loves you. It is behaviour of a asshole, with issues,who only cares about himself. So if he knows it was a bad pic and deliberately posted it when you were at a low point,just to rub it in..then you got bigger problems with him than just that. The fact that he falls into a cluster b personality type could very well be one of them. Certainly low on empathy and nasty little boy at least.

I agree with this. Regrettably, this is a trait in some men (not all.) Negging and gaslighting, and chipping away at your confidence. He grinds you down, makes you feel low, and makes sure you are kept in your place, and feel grateful that he is with you. It's a nasty little game that some men play to keep their woman in her place.

To take pics of you when you are not looking your best, and you feel like shit (and feel you LOOK like shit,) and then post them online, is a nasty thing to do, and shows (IMO, and it seems in the opinion of many others) that he is trying to make you feel insecure.

Not a nice trait, not a nice way to behave, and not a nice way to treat someone you supposedly love.

[PinkTicker]

I'm now thinking it might be worth showing him this thread so he stops bloody minimising how I feel and can see other peiple would react the same.

[2birds1stone]

I have found that when someone feels bad about an action or something they have said they try to pass the blame back onto the person it affected to they feel less guilty and because they don't know how to deal with what they have done... a knee jerk reaction if you like.

Be probably does realise you are upset but just doesn't know how to apologise properly or doesn't want to admit he was wrong.

[Lostwithoutdirections]

I keep thinking of this thread!! It’s so upsetting OP.

I have lots of sympathy. DH took a photo of me in hospital after DC1 was born. I’m naked in the hospital bed with a tiny newborn in the nook of my arm. I look totally happy and woozy. Fuck knows why he took the photo.

A week later, my DSis and BIL came to stay. DH decided to project some lovely new baby photos from his phone onto the freaking massive tv screen. He scrolled through happily, landing on the fucking awful naked one. And not only was there 1 photo, but a fucking burst of them. Impossible to get off the screen quickly.

I was mortified!!!!! Still am

[Lightofday]

earlyrisingcat to be fair some women are capable if exactly the sane nastiness too. I don't think its a gender thing. Its an asshole thing. If you ever have a narcissistic female 'friend' (before you cotton on) you will see the same behaviour from them too. I think there was a prior poster in here mentioned about a girl mate she has that does similar for example. Stepping on other ppls self esteem to make themselves feel big. Worlds full of these jackasses.

[CoraPirbright]

I'm now thinking it might be worth showing him this thread so he stops bloody minimising how I feel and can see other peiple would react the same.

Usually the advice is not to show people threads but in this instance I think I would.

So, to OP’s ‘D’P: I hope you feel proud of yourself. The person you are supposed to love most in the world is mortified. You have embarrassed her horribly, taking advantage of her insecurities for cheap laughs from a bunch of acquaintances. You are supposed to care for her and have her back - not purposefully display what she feels bad about for your own advantage. And then to try and minimise her hurt when you are called out on it? Really and truly horrible behaviour. Take the damn picture down and fucking apologise properly.