About this Hugs article

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What do you think? This was posted by a relative (SIL) and yes, I am the 'Aunt' and hugged my niece and nephew goodbye. I'm upset by this, but maybe it is right? Should I not hug them again then?

www.mother.ly/child/heres-why-i-will-never-force-my-kids-to-hug-anyone?xrs=RebelMouse_fb&ts=1528811109&fbclid=IwAR1O2m_JbLTICx2xDkft4AMsM4qxMRa4FTuTwgcQHHFemB0MCeX3wzTN7Ag

Wonder of should leave a comment saying Ok will not try and hug them then, sorry of it upset anyone? Would have been nicer if people just told you these things rather than post on social media really. They didn't seem upset.

I really like the article tbh. What's your issue with it?

I don't think she had an issue with you asking for a hug, she just wasn't going to force him to do it. You can offer again, but just expect that he might say no.

The public comments section if a blog is definitely the best place to have a calm and measured discussion about it with your family. There's absolutely no chance of causing any offence or it being picked up by the daily mail

Op I don't think it's personal. The point is that you are a benign hugger but the children have the right to say no to anyone, not just dodgy people.

That said, what an odd blog

Although, I'd probably go with, 'Do you want a hug?' as a question, rather than 'Give me a hug,' as a command.

Maybe you should speak to her. "I read your article and I felt quite hurt. If you don't want me to hug the kids then you could tell me that rather than write about me on social media"

I think you have missed the point of the article. She's not saying you shouldn't hug them or ask for a hug. She's saying that when they don't want to, they don't have to and she won't make them. Sometimes, hopefully(!), they will be happy to hug their aunt.

You shouldn't ever hug someone who doesn't want to be hugged. That is the point.

My issue is we had just seen them and hugged the children goodbye. Now I feel like I have overstepped the mark and upset people, and am unsure of how to deal with it next time we wee them. It might seem a bit strange if become distant, would that not seem weird also?

Why does motherhood need to be redefined? Am I doing it wrong?

we see them

The article is not about hugging someone dodgy, it about 'Aunt Sally' and I'm the aunt...

Have you actually read it? It doesn't say not to let children have hugs. Just that it's ok to ask but it's equally ok for the child to decline and not be pressured into doing it anyway after they've said no.

The blog suggests that 'Aunt Sally' didn't hug the little boy in the end. If you did, maybe the blog is about a different relative or fictitious in nature?

It sounds like you demanded a hug from the child “give me a hug”.

If you asked and were prepared to accept the child’s answer whether yes or no then there would be no problem.

You’re not “owed” hugs by children or anyone.

It might not be specifically aimed at you. The article was just referencing a person as an example, 'Aunt Sally'. But it could as easily been uncle bob, grandad or whoever.

Your sil may know a very enthusiastic hugger in RL or she might've just thought the article was interesting and reposted it without a second thought.

Bring it up with her next time you see her (in a breezy friendly way) - ask her what her stance is and say you're happy to follow what she wants for her dc.

I really wouldn't worry about it too much.

Are you who she’s referring to as ‘intoxicated aunt Sally’? I wouldn’t be massively chuffed about that, it’s like some sort of pantomime. I mean, I don’t disagree with the sentiment of what she’s saying but it’s all very worthy to stick it on a blog. She obviously doesn’t feel that strongly about it because she didn’t actually mention it to you at the time- surely if it was so important to her she would have explained it to you directly so that you could rephrase to ‘would you like a hug’, rather than forcing the child to have to take a stand every time they see you. My money is on your nephew not really being bothered either way to be honest.

Can't you just say 'i saw your article, point taken'? And then ask the children for a hug upon leaving. If they want to hug they'll do it, if not, they won't.

I agree with what she's said though and hate when people try and make my child give hugs/kisses when they don't want to.

I think you're deliberately misunderstanding in order to nurse hurt feelings. Yes it probably is embarrassing to feel you've been written about in a public forum, but noone said you couldn't hug the kids.
Just ask first, and listen when they say no.

Ok, no, didn't demand anything. SIL has form for criticising me. I remember DCs were leaving so asked them if they wanted to hug goodbye, (they didn't)...then after that this post. Yes will just ignore.

I’m confused! Did your SIL write the article or just share it?

It’s American, is your SIL American?

Shared on Facebook

No, not American.

I think the article is a load of old wank personally. There's nothing new in it is there, just another smug parent congratulating themselves on their superior parenting. Surely in this day and age no one forces their child to hug or kiss anyone. And op the scenario described is nothing like what you have said, I don't think it's about you at all.

Either you are being completely disingenuous or you haven't really understood the article. It doesn't say that hugs aren't allowed, it's simply a case of letting children refuse physical contact if they choose.

So, if you asked, pressured or guilted a child into hugging you, then yes - it is aimed at you and you need to re-think your behaviour.

If you enjoyed mutual hugs with the children who were happy to give and receive physical affection from you, then no - it's not about you and there's no reason to think it is.

Ohhh I thought she actually wrote the article about you. In that case I wouldn't be bothered.