Threats of court by grandparent.

[SheIsALiamGallagherKindaGal86]

Morning all, please could i have some advice?

Following the breakdown of my relationship with my ex partner (the father of my Ds) my relationship with the ex's dad and his step mother came to a breaking point and i stopped contact with them and my Ds for a few months.

Now, i always struggled to get on with the ex's father. He is an evil, nasty manipulative bully. I lost respect for him when he started thia campaign of abuse to his youngest son because he didn't like his partner. He went as far as sending "dick pics" to his son's parner to try and see where it would go so he could then tell his son his girlfriend was a cheat. Anyway, long story short that went wrong and the father in law disowned his son ans grandchild because he didn't want his wife finding out about this iliicit texts..

I didn't like my father in law's behaviour but that wasn't the reason of my disliking him it was the harressment and psychological abuse he put his own son through just to keep his dirty secret from his wife and showed me the kind of person he was.

I didn't like that kind of person round my son but he i allowed contact for my ex's sake as he was always present but the father in law started using his bully boy tactics on me so i stopped him seeing my Ds from November last year and last week agreed, after discussing with my ex partner that he and his wife could see my son for a couple of hours with my ex present.
The ex father in law kicked off stating that he wanted my Ds all day and that he was now not interested because he cannot get his own way. He told my ex that "just a small warning but people were gunning for me!" He is now threatening legal action.
I can't understand what the hell his problem is? I am allowing access!

Grandparents dont have rights to grandkids i dont think so doubt it would get him anywhere.
If any of this communication from your ex about people gunning for you is in text or emails keep it as evidence.

Exactly what @Whisky2014 said!!

I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t get anywhere with a legal action but unfortunately I don’t think you can dictate who your ds sees when having contact visits with your ex. Do you have a court agreed schedule of contact?

He sounds absolutely grim. Hopefully he means what he says and won’t want contact at all if he can’t get his own way.

Grandparents have no automatic rights to see their grandchildren. He could technically take it to court (but bet he won't) but there's pretty compelling reasons for not allowing him access so it's unlikely anything would come from it.

Just to clarify - it wasn't you he sent dick pics to but your ex's brother's girlfriend? That's absolutely disgusting. I wouldn't let a sexual predator like that anywhere near my kids

You can't stop ex taking DCs to see his parents on his contact time, but grandparents have no 'rights' to see DCs. It's the usual bully-boy tactics you see from men, threatening court at the drop of a hat. Ignore.

Sounds like you have a good relationship with your ex when it comes to this issue, I'd work hard on preserving that because it sounds like ex has his own stuff to deal with in terms of his father. Stay supportive and on top of what's happening to make sure ex doesn't crumble.

This is your ex's problem. You offered access on your terms which does not suit him. He either takes it or leaves it. I am sure he doesn't want his dirty secrets coming out so should suck it up.
Don't worry about court action. It will expose him as the nasty piece of shit he is.
I would not be going out of my way to make direct arrangements with them. Your ex can sort something on his access time. They have blown it with you by threatening you.

Actually whisky, not true - at least in Australia. My neighbour, a divorced single mother, had a falling out with her parents and stopped them seeing her son. They took her to court for shared custody and get him a couple of afternoons a week. I was shocked when she told me. I am sure it is some sort of custody arrangement as when she said custody battle, I thought it must have been her ExH, but turned out it was her parents.

Grandparents have no legal rights for visitation. Period. Let the old fool try to take you to court. Never going to happen.

Thanks all. It was my ex's brother's girlfriend he sent the pictures to. Not me thank god. I have evidence of threats he has made and i even have a screen shot of a police statement my ex made against his father in support of his brother following his dad's abuse. Unfortunately my ex is also very two faced and apparently doesn't like his dad's behaviour and is willing to report him to the police but won't call him out on it. His father has no idea about this statement but i will use it IF it was ever going to get to court.

@K1233 well it is true in Uk. Which i believe the majority of posters on MN are from unless they state specifically they are not. I answered based on UK...

Grandparents have no legal right to contact.

Pp are right in that your ex can visit who he likes during his time with the child. However if you believe that visiting your ex inlaw is physically or psychologically harming your child you can ask for a court order to prevent this.

Try to speak to your ex first. If he is reasonable and loves your child he may be willing to voluntarily stop visits to his father. If not explain to him that you have no choice but to contact a solicitor and it might affect his contact if he is not willing to keep them safe.

The only time GPs would have any right to contact would be if there was a residency order in place for the child at their address. For example grandparents raised the child informally.

They all sound disgusting.

Gunning for you? Ffs. Who does he think he is? And your ex passing threatening messages on?

My ex always respected that i didn't want his father seeing my Ds for a few months until i had a rethink and agreed for the few hours. All this makes my anxiety so bad and it doesn't help that i live so far away from family and friends. I moved here to be with my ex and agreed to stay here when we split so he could continue his relationship with his son. He has no transport and would have struggled to see his son regularly if i had moved back the 150 miles i had come from, but sometimes i wish i could just pack and leave it all behind. I just don't feel safe sometimes and I wonder if the father in law has people watching me. He did the same to his younger son and partner. Had them spyed on.

my partners mum said she would see us in court over access to my child, i spoke to a solicitor and was told if she takes us to court it will cost well over £20,000 before it even makes it to court his mum doesnt have that kind of money so i stopped worrying. after reading your update you shouldnt have to be unhappy for your ex to have contact if you want to move back then go for it. your ex will need to work harder to do driving lessons etc

@imamum21 i have told my ex partner that sometimes i want to move away but HE has often threatened to use my my mental illness (anxiety and depression) against me and says he will get custody of our son. He isn't much unlike his father which is why he is an ex. But whether i like it or not i loved him enough once to have his child so i have to do what is best for my son.

Grandparents have the right to ask court for the right to apply for access. Lots of shitty grandparents seem to throw out "I've got rights, I'll go to court" without actually looking into the process.

My MIL's best friend brought up her GD for 3 years, then had her 3 days a week for 3 further years. She has been given permission to apply for access by the court. It's taken almost a year and has cost an absolute fortune. There's still no guarantee that they'll win, and even if they win the chances of getting an enforceable visitation order is highly difficult. So I wouldn't be too worried in your shoes as you are offering access, just not on his specific terms.

Tell your ex unless he stands up to this absuive man you WILL move to be near your family as you don’t feel safe and don’t feel your DS is safe

What sort of father sends dick pics to his sons grilfriend ffs? He sounds thoroughly nasty and potentially dangerous

Stand your ground
Your ex may be scared of his father also but he is a father himself and needs to do what is right for your DS. Does he really want his DF to behave towards your DS as he has done to his own kids?

The FIL sounds vile. You mention 'for the sake of your ex' but I don't believe that is the priority here.

For the sake of your son have as little to do with this agressive, predatory man as possible. Keep everything in case you need evidence.

And I'd think about the pros and cons of moving for you and your son. How you could arrange contact e.g. train

Isn't saying to someone "warning-people are gunning for you" a threat? I'm not sure I like the sound of that. He sounds a bit (a lot) weird. I'd see a family law solicitor and just explain your fears. I would feel very uncomfortable letting my children be on their own with a person like that and would try to stop it if I could. (But I don't know what the law says about this obviously).

What planet are these people on that they think that displaying threatening and manipulative behaviour is a way to win access to people's most vulnerable and precious charges?

Ooh, you sexually harrass people, make threats and are highly controlling and possessive? Why, please DO see my child, I have a hard time fitting all that abuse in, handy to have support demonstrating toxic behaviour...

Your ex has told you he would use your mental health against you. Have you evidence of this blackmail?

With people like Your ex and his family, limit your conversations about contact and other serious issues to text or email so that you can produce evidence if required.

Should you want to move away your ex could apply for an order to stop you leaving the area- this is more likely to be successful if your child is in school. So if it is something you feel you have to do, do it before your child starts school.

I agree that it is in the child's best interest to have a relationship with both parents but only where it is safe for everyone involved.

What is best for your son is not allowing contact with sexual predators and manipulative arses. I suspect if you moved and got the support you need your mental health would improve considerably. Oh, and unless you are doing something extremely serious mental health wise, he wouldn't get custody. Certainly not with you suffering from anxiety and depression, particularly as it would appear to be causal rather than endogenous.

"but grandparents have no 'rights' to see DCs"

But Grandchildren have a right to a relationship with Grandparents, if contact has already been allowed.

Otherwise, unless there is child protection issues, its emotionally abusive.

You're allowing access purely in your terms.

Your child isn't a possession.

Is there a reason why they can't have a full day access?

As for going to Court, it costs around £200 and if you can easily show that you've been given access in the past, you can represent yourself.

I can't really believe this is real just because it's so outlandish to me, but if it is just move back home. Let them take you to court. I doubt they will go through with it. Keep all abusive messages and also don't tell them you are going until you are gone.
Contact women's aid for advise too.
Good luck.