MIL and her mate visiting

[TurquoiseWeekend]

Our first baby is due in a matter of days and DP has just been on the phone chatting to his mum, gets off the call and says "oh mum and "Jane" (changed the name) are coming up the first weekend the baby is here for a visit.
I have no fucking idea who Jane is, which I said to DP (in a nicer way!!) it transpires she's an old friend of his mums, who wants to come for the weekend with with her. They live a good few hours drive away and luckily we don't have the room to have people stay here so they've decided (without talking to us first) that they'll get a hotel.
Am I being really pregnant and unreasonable and hormonal to think that actually, if I have the baby on Thursday or Friday, the first weekend, the baby will be a day or two old, and I'm not sure yet how much I'll feel upto a random friend of MIL's coming to see us, and also, would MIL not prefer to meet her first grandchild without her mate hanging about?
I was imagining being in bed/on the sofa, learning to breastfeed and having close family and friends visit.
When I said this to DP, he was really upset and doesn't seem to think this time is going to be about him supporting me and the baby and said that there are people he wants to meet the baby too.
I have no problem with Jane coming the next time MIL visits, but really? The first time she meets the baby, and the first weekend after baby is here?
I'm prepared to be told I'm being a nasty cow, but it just made me feel weird that they've all just made this decision without discussing jut with me.

Has she actually said Jane is coming to your house too? It might be that she has no intention of intruding and is just coming for a nice weekend away. If they're not staying with you it's entirely reasonable to assume you won't see this 'Jane' at all.

Is Jane just acting as a driver and travel support for mil? Does Mil travel on her own at all?
I would be very put out at this idea.
My own mother would turn up, with us four (badly behaved) kids in tow, days after anyone she knew had given birth and stay for hours. I'm so embarrassed about it now.

Eugh we had this with one of DPs relatives bringing all and sundry to visit, but without warning, they'd just turn up randomly. They meant well but it was intrusive, and I would get chided about the state of the house (that we'd moved into days after DC was born) or still being in my dressing gown or loungewear in the afternoon. It's rude and odd of your mother in law, but I don't know what you can do to stop it without upsetting her or causing friction. Whereas my parents old friends were almost apologetic about wanting to see DC and asked weeks in advance, brought food etc.

I wouldn't just assume that Jane is there to visit you too, MIL may realise that you aren't going to want to have to entertain her and Jane could be there to occupy the rest of the weekend?

I'd text her and say "it's nice you've got company for the weekend, has Jane got things planned for when you're with us?" so there is no possibility of misunderstanding.

Absolutely fine for MIL to bring Jane to the hotel for company, share the driving, have someone to eat dinner with. Utterly bizarre if she plans to bring Jane to your home! I'm due in 6 weeks and your whole post gave me palpitations, particularly that your DP isn't 100% behind you – or rather in front, as gatekeeper.

Has he been to the birthing/antenatal classes with you, read the books, etc, and knows what to expect in the aftermath, or has he been a bit blasé about the realities so far?

Your dh needs to tell mil it isn't on.
Tbh, I didn't want to see anyone for a few days with each of our dc.
There's no way mil would have been there let alone some randomer.

it will mean that the visit is likely to be shorter and MIL will have other stuff to do to keep her occupied.

Why does MIL need to be kept occupied or have her visit short? Its her grandchild! Maybe she wants to help and spend time with the baby (if OP and DH allow it of course). Otherwise, OP, I think you need to clarify with your MIL if "Jane" is coming to the house or not. If so, then you are within your right to stay you would like close family only for the first weekend.

Has something really dramatic happened to childbirth all of a sudden? The description of a leaking, incontinent, lame, half naked invalid isn’t something i’ve ever experienced or witnessed. Everyone I know who’s given birth has been tired and a bit overwhelmed, not completely incapacitated. I have to say I thought the same as you, except you missed out 'sobbing'. Obviously some do have major issues after childbirth but the inference on this thread is that it's a foregone conclusion you will be as above.

Ooh no! Yes to mother in law, but I can absolutely see why this is not the time for a stranger and I'm usually all in favour of visitors after the birth!

Does your MIL not drive? It is a bit of a mystery why Jane is putting in an appearance, is there no FIL?

@alsohuman I’m glad you and everyone you know has had straightforward births but after my first I was completely incapacitated for a week or so. This has been the case for several other people I know. I barely even wanted my own mum who I am close to to see me like that let alone some random woman I’ve never met.

@Prettybird - perfectly put.

@AlsoHuman Lucky you. I had a nightmare labour and emergency C Section; neither of which were expected. I was in hospital for a week which was quite helpful in that it limited number of visitors at a time and how long they could stay.

Had any relatives booked hotels for 2 days after the birth they would have had to come to the hospital. You never know how labour is going to go so I hope MIL and Jane’s booking is flexible.

I got the baby blues with a vengeance but even on good days, I would be in PJs from about 6pm with no nursing bra. Friend of DH and his wife who I hadn’t then met “popped in” without warning one evening when DH was on lates. I was mid feed and had to sit there for half an hour chatting while having leaky boob in a thin PJ top.

Strangers coming round in the first few weeks - NOPE.

I had a "reasonable" birth : "only" had an induction, puddendal block, mid cavity forceps and an episiotomy (but in my mind, had a "natural"birth because I didn't have either epudural or a CS neither of which I wanted ). Ds ended up getting jaundice quite badly and was under lights and not feeding well, so although I delivered on Sunday, I only got home on Tuesday.

and was back 2 weeks later on IV antibiotics for a week but that's a whole separate story

I loved and welcomed visitors both in hospital (I ended up in a single room because of ds' need for lights) and at home - but not sure I would have been up for a visiting stranger ....unless of course that dh was volunteering to hold court and do all the entertaining!

As it was, I remember we ended up buying a cordless phone as ds was such an interminable feeder (and sooooo slow) that even answering the phone when dh was back at work was a problem.