Question from a babysitter

[bbysittingNC]

So, I'm currently babysitting for a family I babysit for fairly regularly. 2 dc were already down, eldest dc aged 4 was just nearing her bedtime when she asked 'how does a baby get in a tummy?'

Now, I've worked with children my entire life, I have a degree in children! But none of my own. And I didn't really know how to respond! I know how I'd respond to my own child, with facts and terminology suitable for their age.

But this isn't my child!!! Now I'm second guessing what I said, and hoping if the child repeats it the parents will be ok with it. Here's how the conversation went:
Dc : What's that? (Pregnant woman on telly)
Me: I think she has a baby in her tummy

• confusion - In her tummy!?

Yes Why? Well, ladies grow babies in their tummies No not in a tummy!!!!! They do! You used to be in mummy's tummy when you were very small Yeah, how does it get inside? It grows inside, there's a tiny egg which grows into a baby!

DC seemed quite amazed, she almost looked at me like I was making it up! She then asked:
But how do you put the egg and the baby inside the tummy?
The egg is already inside the tummy, then it grows into a baby
How does the baby come out?
Ladies push the baby out of a special hole in their bodies.

She then said 'like this?' And did a pushing motion as if she was pushing someone over😂
I said not quite, like how you push when you have a big poo! Then the baby comes out! Then it was all over very quick because she got distracted.

Was that ok? Would you be happy if your babysitter explained it that way? I'll give mum a heads up when she gets back in case there are any questions or comments tomorrow!

I never thought that question would fluster me but it really did, I didn't want to say the wrong thing!

“That’s a question to ask your mummy” Doesn’t make it taboo, would be the same if they asked something like “have you seen my shoes”

I’d be unhappy if a babysitter had this conversation with my child. It’s overstepping.

so far I've told my 4yo 'the doctor helps the mummy get the baby out' (as I've had one natural birth and one ELCS!) but I'm not sure that'll satisfy him for much longer...

A child asked her mum where babies come out of at a local baby group, the mum blushed and said ‘out of a belly button’
My DD who was 4 at the time piped up in front of everyone and said ‘don’t be silly, they come out of vaginas’ and tutted quite a few laughed until the what’s a vagina questions started!! Oops!!

Sounds similar to what I told my DD, when I was pregnant with my DS.
The best conversation we had was when she walked into the bathroom when my DH had gone to pee, again whilst pregnant with our DS.
DD: why is daddy weeing out if his thumb.
DH: yes it was my thumb.
Me: don't be stupid, telling her that, we are having a boy, so this will come up eventually. (Husband looked at me gone out) that is daddy's Willy, it is how he wee's, your brother will have one too, you and mummy don't as we are girls.
DD: ok. And with that she continued playing and never mentioned it again, DH breathed a sigh of relief and looked like he might faint

I would not discuss where babies come from with someone else's 4 yr old. I wouldn't discuss religion with them either. You're stepping all over the parents when you go there.

I'd have said, "Google it"! No, not really. I'd have said 'Ask your mum'.

I would leave the first where babies come from talk for the parents, I would be disappointed if dc had that first conversation with someone else.

4 years olds are easily distracted and it would have been simple to guide the conversation elsewhere.

You did OK. Though I suspect it’ll lead to a lot more questions with her eyeing up her boiled eggs in the morning and being rather worried about going for a poo in case she gets a baby by mistake 🤣.

I’m not sure if she wasn’t having you on though...a 4 yo that doesn’t know that that bump is a baby?! That’s a bit odd.

If people are precious about what (age appropriate) answers people give their children, they shouldn’t leave them with other people 🤷🏻‍♀️

@IncrediblySadToo oh gosh I was just coming on to say that about the poo! When my DM explained it to me she used the big poo analogy and I spent WEEKS checking the toilet after going, just in case I'd accidentally had a baby!

I mean, you didn't say anything bad but personally I'd be miffed if I was her Mum and you'd ended up telling her where babies come from. I just think it's one for parents to talk about. Telling her to ask her mum later and a distraction with something else after would have worked just as well.

My Dad told me (when I asked - on reflection he was very flustered and on the spot) told me that when a man and a lady love each other, they can give each other a type of hug where a man puts a special seed in the lady and sometimes a baby will grow.

I think that was a fairly good, non-graphic way of telling me and I'm planning on saying something similar if my kids ask me at a young age. Not like my MIL who gave her DC all the graphic details and traumatised them! She didn't want to lie to them but said they both freaked out

You did well!

Her willy will grow when she's older

I don't think it was a bad way to explain it (I went a little more detailed with my own children as they asked more) but there are those who dont tell the truth so I probably wouldn't have to a child I was babysitting for

Of course when mine were in junior school (so a little older than this child) they were there when their brother was born - when the teacher asked my daughter to draw a picture of what they did in half term he was not expecting a birth drawing - thats mummy, thats the baby and thats the placenta

Surely you tell the child to ask their parents? And change the subject.

I'm not being a prude, just mindful that parents know their child best and how to explain it appropriate for each child.

I really think you should have said 'I'm not sure, better ask your parents' then distracted with something else.

I might have asked them to ask mummy but out of fear of saying too much.

I think your explanation was good and believe in being open and honest with my kids from the start. At 4yo my DD knows about periods, differences between men and women anatomically and about baby's growing in tummys. I just answered questions that came up truthfully.

I was amazed a friend had not yet had 'the talk' with her 9yo!!! That's way too late in my book and one big awkward conversation to start.

*update!
Mum was completely unbothered and laughed when I told her. She said don't be silly course it's fine! She's lovely, she thanked me and then said 'rather you than me'😂

I think the key to this situation is that I know the child and family, she's an incredibly relaxed parent. Maybe the general rule of thumb if a babysitter was to be unfamiliar with the family or unsure what to say is to pretend you're unsure and say maybe ask mummy/daddy tomorrow then distract the child with something else.

Thanks all! X

Glad she was ok with it OP.