Question from a babysitter

[bbysittingNC]

So, I'm currently babysitting for a family I babysit for fairly regularly. 2 dc were already down, eldest dc aged 4 was just nearing her bedtime when she asked 'how does a baby get in a tummy?'

Now, I've worked with children my entire life, I have a degree in children! But none of my own. And I didn't really know how to respond! I know how I'd respond to my own child, with facts and terminology suitable for their age.

But this isn't my child!!! Now I'm second guessing what I said, and hoping if the child repeats it the parents will be ok with it. Here's how the conversation went:
Dc : What's that? (Pregnant woman on telly)
Me: I think she has a baby in her tummy

• confusion - In her tummy!?

Yes Why? Well, ladies grow babies in their tummies No not in a tummy!!!!! They do! You used to be in mummy's tummy when you were very small Yeah, how does it get inside? It grows inside, there's a tiny egg which grows into a baby!

DC seemed quite amazed, she almost looked at me like I was making it up! She then asked:
But how do you put the egg and the baby inside the tummy?
The egg is already inside the tummy, then it grows into a baby
How does the baby come out?
Ladies push the baby out of a special hole in their bodies.

She then said 'like this?' And did a pushing motion as if she was pushing someone over😂
I said not quite, like how you push when you have a big poo! Then the baby comes out! Then it was all over very quick because she got distracted.

Was that ok? Would you be happy if your babysitter explained it that way? I'll give mum a heads up when she gets back in case there are any questions or comments tomorrow!

I never thought that question would fluster me but it really did, I didn't want to say the wrong thing!

Would be fine with me.

I make a stupid story up when my daughter asked . So your explanation is better then mine!

I think what you said is fine and I'd be letting the mum know when you can too - I'm sure mum will be fine too xx

I’d be okay with it. The child asked so you just followed their lead it’s not like you randomly brought it up yourself!

I think the go ask mummy is a bit of a cop out, I wouldn’t expect my DC nursery to do that

Yes - but OP is a babysitter not a nursery worker

Ah, kids asked questions at the most inappropriate times! You gave a really good, age appropriate answer, I wouldn't mind. I would tell mum myself though that she asked, in case she status talking about it tomorrow and it comes out weird!

If it makes you feel any better I was stumped by a 4 year old boy when babysitting , as I was helping him with his pyjamas and putting him to bed.

Child: Christine, have you got hair on your willy?
Me : Ummmmmmmm......
Child: Because there's no hair on my willy.....
Me : I don't have any hair on my willy, I don't have a willy.
Child: (Shocked) OH! NO WILLY?
Me : Well no, I'm like your Mummy and your sister, ladies don't have willies.
Child: Oh. (Child goes quiet and thinks about this for a minute)

At this point I think that's it, and am breathing a sigh of relief. But No.

Child: My Daddy has hair on his willy. He said that when you get big and tall the hair on your head goes back inside and comes out on your willy

(His Dad was as bald as a coot)

(I was about 16 at the time)

I wouldn't of known what to say!
I would of gone with 'you'd be better off asking mummy'
Easy way out lol 😂

True @Aridane , however I am a qualified nursery nurse and mum knows this.

Maybe being an ex NN informed my response a little, I am very confident around children.

I think if this was the first time I'd ever babysat for this family and didn't really know the children that well I would have been different. I've looked after this little one since she was 6 months old and have been around for the 2 younger dc too. I suppose I'm quite relaxed around them, which mum is fine with.

I would say ask mummy. If I was childless I'd say I don't know I don't have any kids, ask mummy. I think the way you explained it is good and I would use similar but I would be a bit annoyed if the babysitter (or anyone other than myself or my husband) told my child about the facts of life. I just think it's that kind of topic.

A 4 year old that inquisitive but never wondered before would make me wonder if the parents were deliberately keeping it in some way, but the explanation was completely fine, any parents who disagreed would be best avoided or ignored I'd say.

@WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo oh gosh!

I used to get a lot of that in my old job! Always while they were having a wee, things like 'my daddy's willy is MASSIVE' and of course you have to complete the awkward safeguarding forms for all the really inappropriate stuff. It was always such an innocent explanation too, kids ey!

@fairybeagle yes good point, I can totally understand that

yeah sounds fine. Just let the parents know what you've said so the conversation isn't a complete surprise/so they can talk to DC about it at a time they choose, not when they suddenly pipe up with it, which being 4 will be at the worst time they can.

When my sister was asked by my DD she called the house phone from her mobile, went 'hold that thought, I've got to answer the phone' then hid in the kitchen to call me and ask what to say

I say 'I'm not sure as I've never had a baby' it works well.
And to those that disagree with the 'cop out' ask mummy or daddy things.. the reason we have to do this is simply because everyone's views are SO varied on how to answer these questions that if we answer them then we risk the parents being unhappy.

I agree that was a good way to explain it, and age appropriate.

At school, I tend to use "I think your mum will be able to explain that better than I can," so it doesn't make it sound taboo, but still throws it back to parents!

Oh bless you OP it’s a tough one when not your kids! I think you made the right call.
I’m currently pregnant and although my oldest son (also 4) hasn’t asked how baby got in there,he’s very concerned about how it will get out.
He keeps asking when I will poo it out! (If only!!!!)

My daughter has seen too many episodes of OBEM not to know exactly where babies come out.

How they get in isn’t one I’ve had to answer yet thankfully.
I’d have been fine with your explanation.

You did well OP.
I’m puzzled, however, that the child was 4 and had younger siblings and didn’t know babies grew in tummies
Surely they would have seen DM pregnant? All my lot did and knew!

You've just made me giggle remembering when DD was a newborn and I was changing her nappy, whilst looking after DS & nephew, both then 3yo.

Nephew: Where's her willy?
DS (with absolute blithe older brother assurance): Her willy will grow when she's older.

I think you handled it really well OP - nothing inappropriate, nothing silly, just a really simple explanation that gives her a basic understanding for her parents to explain further, if she asks them.

That's pretty much what I told my own kids. Although you didn't include the part where I scared my own kids for life by telling them about my c-sections.

I'd of said I'm not sure ask mummy too. But there's nothing wrong with what you said, but some parents like the stork story.

Wait until they come out with 'Do you and DP have sex?'

I'm not sure that I've fully recovered consciousness from that particular blow.

She was five.

Personally, whether you are a qualified nursery nurse or in this case being used as a babysitter I would have veered on the side of caution and told her to ask her parents, or changed the subject. Nothing to do with copping out, I just think it is the parents place to have that conversation if you do not have their consent.

I think my response was Pardon? Found a pearl necklace to clutch and went for a lie down.