Who has had a DC in their teens and another as an older parent ? AIBU to feel like this ?

[notgivingin78910]

... sorry for the long title- couldn't think of a better way to shorten it.

I would really like more children and I wish to meet someone to settle down with but I don't think this will happen and sometimes I think- can I really be bothered and should I just be content with DS and I ?

I had DS very very young- I cringe when I have to tell people my age, then tell them DS's age (so they work out the math). I'm 25 and DS is 9. This is the time- mid 20's, where most of my friends are getting married, settling down, new DC's arriving on the scene. I feel like I've done all that (excluding the marriage) and I'm comfortable with DS and I. But then I think- I'm 25, life isn't "over" yet. Though on another hand, it took me 8 years (!) to finally break things off with DS's dad (who was abusive- not anymore but is now just useless in every way) and I feel like I wasted my mid teens/early twenties on him and it's too late- considering DS's age- to meet someone new and extend my family.

A few months ago, DS dad was persuading us to have another go, get married, buy our own house , have more DC's and so forth. Though, in the nicest way possible, if I ever settle down with him, I will feel like my life is over and I won't be happy. However, I was tempted just to settle with him- just because his DS's dad. But I know I won't ever do that.

Has anyone had a child in their teens/late teens and then had another child much later on ? How did it work out for you ? How is the step father likely to your pre-existing children.

I have had dc in teens, 20's, 30's and 40's!!
Terrible choices in men in the past.
I have found a decent man at last and very happy met dh at 41 and had ds at 43. Dh is a great step df. Even my teens tell him so! Please don't settle just because he is ds's df. He has to be a true partner for you too.

You totally can and should have another loving relationship, and if more children are part of that, that’s great. Don’t be tempted by the ex!

I’m not in the same situation, kind of the reverse. My partner had his son fairly young, and then when we had our child, there was a 15 year age gap. He’s a brilliant big brother and it’s brought us all closer.

Good luck OP

Well yes I did. My older two were 18 and 14 when third ds came along! I had remarried and my new dh wanted a child. It was the best thing I’ve ever done, the older boys were over the moon and love their brother.

I won’t deny dh struggled at times with my middle one (he was always my tricky one). We had the usual teenage ups/ downs/ horrors! But we got through it all.

I had my DS when I was youngish. I haven't given up hope that I'll have more. My DS is almost 20 now, I haven't met anyone yet.

Not the same Op but my mum & dad had myself at 18 and my sister at 20 then had my brother at 36.

My cousin had one a 19 and then another 18 years later, both unplanned as a single parent. She found out about the 2nd pregnancy quite late on so I think there wasn't much choice available!

She was always an amazing Mum IMHO and certainly seems to enjoy her life now, never lived with a man ever - perhaps that's her secret

Yep I had 3ds,s one at 26 one at 35 and one at 42!

I was 20 when my sister was born, my brother was 13 (different mum). It works, we both adore her. You have PLENTY of time to meet someone else and settle down and have another DC (or however many you do wish) please don’t write yourself off!

I was also just legal age when I had my child, 24 years later, I’m not in a position to have more children really but kind of wish I was.

I think my main concern would be my first child. I wouldn’t want him to feel like I was starting a new family (his father has never been around)

I couldn’t be bothered to start all over again after getting so closer to have my freedom back.

But I’ve never needed a child to feel secure in a relationship like so many people I know who think new relationship I have to have another child just because I’m with a new boyfriend/girlfriend.

I had one at 17, one at 37. Love being a parent again.

You have heaps of time OP, relax, enjoy your DS and do not settle.

My grandmothers were both pregnant & married at 17. Had 3-5 more pregnancies with last child at ages 36 & 39.

I’m expecting #4. I have dd(15) ds1 (14) and ds2 is almost 2. I’m 37.

Older 2 from 1st marriage when I was 20, toddler and new baby from current relationship.

Only advice is please don’t settle. 25 isn’t too old at all, you have plenty of time to meet someone who deserves you and to have more children with.

You are still young, I had my first two at 20 and 23 then second two with different (current) partner at 33 and 34. It worked out and my dp is a good stepdad. Don’t settle though!

Not me but i know of many many people who have done that. Your life is only just beginning!

Alot of my friends had their first child young, those children are now reaching 18, and then they had more kids who are now around 5 years old.
Many of my kids school friends have teenage brothers and sisters.

25 is not too late. 45, maybe.

Don’t settle! Who knows who or what is round the corner?!

Of course you can op!
I had ds at 18 , he’s now at uni and I met my now husband when ds was 4.
I too ,felt that I had been there and done it but then finally decided I was ready for another and now we have dd7.
And we have been married for a few years .
You are still young so don’t give up on a future family

I had mine at 16 and (nearly) 18 and I haven’t ruled out a third: I am 39 in a couple of months.

For the love of Pete!
Why on earth are you talking like life is over doom gloom at 25!!
I had my first at 33 and then my second at 43, never did I feel over the hill, life was over, not once.
You are SO young, at 25 I was just establishing my career, going on holidays, bought my first house, I was loving life, I’d have laughed at you if you suggested settling...especially for something dead in the water like a useless ex with no prospect or intention of making me happy and for the years ahead I would be stuck with in every conceivable way.
You may as well just throw the key away on yourself AND more importantly your boy if you go down that route.
Your self confidence sounds rock bottom!
You have so much amazing ahead of you if you make it and plan it and do it, years and years and years of it.

Crosser, she has a nine year old

There’s 25, and there’s 25.

I had 2 as a teen and I also now have a 4 month old. My older boys were 16 and 14 when our newest addition arrived.

My husband struggles a bit with my 14 year old, but he can be a bit of a challenge.

I won't lie, it is a bit tough getting used to sleepless nights, no alone time etc because I had gotten to the point where my older 2 were pretty self sufficient. But I am really happy that we have added to our family and the older 2 love him to bits.

My friend had a baby very very young, now a mid teen, and had another a couple of years ago. You're life's not over yet so if it's something you want it's totally possible and workable, just not with you exH! Another friend has a 24 year age gap between her eldest and youngest! Same dad, had a surprise baby at over 40.

Just as a side, please don't be embarrassed of how old you were when you had him, some of the best mum's I know we're very young when they had them. Be proud of what you have achieved with him

I was 18 and 26 when I had my first and last. I'm now 39 and about to become a grandparent- there's that way of looking at it too, I'm still young enough to have another but a grand baby is going to be so lovely

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I just feel a bit sad about my predicament. I don't know why. I feel I should have settled down by now-m.