Who has had a DC in their teens and another as an older parent ? AIBU to feel like this ?

[notgivingin78910]

... sorry for the long title- couldn't think of a better way to shorten it.

I would really like more children and I wish to meet someone to settle down with but I don't think this will happen and sometimes I think- can I really be bothered and should I just be content with DS and I ?

I had DS very very young- I cringe when I have to tell people my age, then tell them DS's age (so they work out the math). I'm 25 and DS is 9. This is the time- mid 20's, where most of my friends are getting married, settling down, new DC's arriving on the scene. I feel like I've done all that (excluding the marriage) and I'm comfortable with DS and I. But then I think- I'm 25, life isn't "over" yet. Though on another hand, it took me 8 years (!) to finally break things off with DS's dad (who was abusive- not anymore but is now just useless in every way) and I feel like I wasted my mid teens/early twenties on him and it's too late- considering DS's age- to meet someone new and extend my family.

A few months ago, DS dad was persuading us to have another go, get married, buy our own house , have more DC's and so forth. Though, in the nicest way possible, if I ever settle down with him, I will feel like my life is over and I won't be happy. However, I was tempted just to settle with him- just because his DS's dad. But I know I won't ever do that.

Has anyone had a child in their teens/late teens and then had another child much later on ? How did it work out for you ? How is the step father likely to your pre-existing children.

I had my first at 15
My second at 38.

The only thing I would add whilst it can work out really well I think it can affect your bond with your older child. Both DH and I come from families where our Mothers had new babies with new partners when we were in our teens. In both cases it meant that our parents were, naturally, more focused on their new babies and the new child had to come along to everything. At a time where you would be more friendly with a parent and possibly go out for dinner, or the pub, or have them round of an evening, go shopping, etc it's really hard to do when they want to drag their small child to everything. Also seriously unimpressed if you made much noise in a house after child's bedtime so no music, coming in from the pub, etc. Imagine the main focus of your graduation meal being whether very small sibling would manage to get through the meal without a tantrum!

Both of us love our siblings and wouldn't change them but both of us missed out on a lot.

My mum got pregnant with me at 16, pregnant with DB2 at 17 (same dad), pregnant with DB3 (step-dad) at 22 and DB4 at 29 (same step-dad).

25 isn't old at all and not nearly too late to extend your family (though I personally cannot imagine wanting to go back to baby days after getting your "freedom" back), like your DS's dad, my father was an abusive prick and has been out of my life since very little (though he does the casual unwanted "pop up" every now and then!). My step-dad came around when I was 4 and they had their first child two years later. I absolutely love my step-dad, he raised us like his own, even though admittingly the first year his son was born there was a bit of favouritism going on (though he got over it eventually!), he is now separated from my mum but I am still very close to him, and actually much closer to him than I am my mum.

My mum is now 40 and I am pretty sure she is considering having a new baby with her new husband (I personally hope they don't but it's another story).

I don't get along at all with my DB1 who happens to have the same dad has me but I am extremely close to my step-siblings and I am very glad they are around.

Don't settle for your ds's dad if he is toxic, your ds doesn't need his dad, he needs a man (or woman, whatever suits you!) who will provide him with the love and care he deserves. My step-dad was (and is!) a fantastic dad and I am so glad my mum didn't feel like my loser of a father was her only option has our childhood would have been miserable.

You are 25, you have plenty of time to find someone that suits you who will make a good step-father to your son and father to any future baby!