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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that I have been Facebook searched

74 replies

Mountainhigher · 23/02/2019 15:12

By my friends partner. He has over 1000 ‘ friends’ , we have no mutual friends and yet his partner pops up as a suggested friend on my feed . Any idea? We’ve never met .

OP posts:

PuppyMonkey · 23/02/2019 16:28

The “people you may know” section on FB has a choice of “add friend” or “remove.” So just click “remove” and all will be resolved.

AldiProsecco · 23/02/2019 16:31

I don't find this one too astonishing as she's your friend's partner but I know facebook is weird. I used to work in a place where I'd sign contracts and so people, total strangers, knew my name. Some of them MUST have searched me on facebook as these TOTAL strangers would appear in my fb feed a day or two later. They weren't friends, or friends of friends (I checked) and I didn't have their number in my phone. THe only connection was that they had been in my place of work and had become aware of my name. That. Was. It. So anybody who says that facebook doesn't suggest people who've searched you is naive in my vho

Lauren83 · 23/02/2019 16:34

I don't think she would show if she had searched you like PPs have said, it will be linking you another way. I also agree I think you like the idea and are focusing on it

LizzieBananas · 23/02/2019 16:36

My landlady used to come up and I’m pretty sure it’s because she used the WiFi. Have you logged onto the same WiFi e.g. at your friends’ house?

peiceofpiss · 23/02/2019 16:37

Facebook sometimes has access to your mobile phone contacts so if you have his number he will show up.

ethelfleda · 23/02/2019 16:37

Is that what happens?? Because I’ve noticed on both Facebook and linkedIN that an old work colleague keeps popping up - she wasn’t a very nice person and didn’t seem to like me much!

MitziK · 23/02/2019 16:39

I'm pretty certain that the ex students who left before I even started working at one place had absolutely no reason to search for me - but they were friends of my first boss there, as I was.

The most annoying one is where I have had to link my profile to act as admin for a page. It's kept hidden, I post as the page, but my personal account is now full of suggestions for people to add as friends that have no idea who I am or that I am an admin on that page. It's possible that somebody I don't like/doesn't like me/has suspicions could interpret the reverse - my appearing on their suggested list - as my having searched them, but I certainly haven't.

Original poster

Mountainhigher · 23/02/2019 16:43

Thanks for the constructive comments. I looked at privacy settings , purely as I don’t know what settings I had on and most were switched to ‘ friends ‘ as in only
My friends could see my stuff but there were some public settings on . It really isnt a big deal. I was just o retested to know how it all works. I work with children and will often have suggested friends for them and their parents which made sense to me and while I love fb for family/ friends sharing etc, there seems to be a grey area around how it all works with friends suggestions and privacy

OP posts:

SwedishEdith · 23/02/2019 16:56

Have you ever looked at her page? I can't imagine you haven't.

Re workplace people - you'll be linked because you've both looked at FB in the same vicinity? Also, how can you be sure you don't have people in common?

BlueJava · 23/02/2019 16:59

I believe friend recommendations can also go by who you interact with and their close friends. For example, I regularly interact with a friend on facebook - it sometimes recommends I connect to his wife. I have never searched for her. She hardly ever uses facebook (I do know her in real life) and I am pretty certain she hasn't searched for me. (She has 2 posts in like 5 years both of their child).

Redglitter · 23/02/2019 17:03

Its probably something as simple as he's your FB friend, shes his partner. Therefore chances are most of his FB interaction is with her - check ins, photos etc.

So FB has thought 'Hey A&B are friends, B&C seem to do lots together maybe A&C would be a good choice as FB friends - lets suggest it'

AldiProsecco · 23/02/2019 17:32

@SwedishEdith, I wasn't allowed to have my phone with me and I was at the counter and I did NOT have time for facebooking with a constant stream of people. I have thought about all of this you know!

I understand that some things are fairly obvious, like if you're messaging somebody constantly then all of their friends will be suggested to you. That's not rocket science! I think we (most of us) get that!?

The bit that needs some explanation honest from facebook is the sort of situation I described above where they come up in my list of suggestions a few days after they came in to my place of work. Also, I knew that we had no friends in common because I CHECKED that!! I wouldn't have seen any mystery there if we'd had friends in common !!

Redglitter · 23/02/2019 18:11

where they come up in my list of suggestions a few days after they came in to my place of work

I think that FB recognises you were in the same place so suggests you as possible friends. I had that recently someone was in our office a few weeks ago literally next time i was on FB he came up as a friends siggestion

OftenHangry · 23/02/2019 18:15

You have common connection. That's it. It really isn't because they would search for you.

It can also be that you were kn an email chain with them, have their number etc. But not because they searched for you

BlueEyedPersephone · 23/02/2019 18:25

Given all you've written, you seem to be protesting and considering block your 'friends' partner, why would you do that unless you have something to hide, surely if he is in a relationship with her then She is just being curious about someone who has a lot of interaction with her partner. Maybe she looked you up to friend you but couldn't or changed her mind.......you might even be good friends if you try to be.

SwedishEdith · 23/02/2019 19:30

I think that FB recognises you were in the same place so suggests you as possible friends.

Exactly. And how would you know what connections your friends may have with their friends? Could have liked same events, news stories, have a friend of friend links. Could be anything.

costacoffeecup · 23/02/2019 20:51

My dentist once came up on people you may know. But it was the guy who owned the practice rather than the dentist I'd seen. I assumed it had read phone numbers or something. But there was no way we had searched each other so it must have been for another reason.

Anniegetyourgun · 23/02/2019 20:59

This kind of weirdness was one of the main factors in my decision to terminate my brief flirtation with Facebook, close my account and delete the whole bloody app from my phone. Various games keep wanting me to connect to it. Ain't happening. DIL suggested we connect through Whatsapp, but it turns out that's part of the Facebook family too, as is Instagram, so if you're on any of those Facebook has access to you... and your whole friends list... and it's not too particular how it uses the information.

I knew it was evil.

PinaColada1 · 23/02/2019 21:04

Honestly FB is very good at suggesting friends. I keep getting my DPs Ex wife’s fiancé! Because presumably we are in the same area, I’m friends with my step kids etc. But it’s very funny! It may even be because Ex wife looks at my page. Who knows?! Who cares?! I could up my privacy settings.

TheresACatInMyLaundryBasket · 26/02/2019 12:04

I think that FB recognises you were in the same place so suggests you as possible friends.

That's kind of awful, tbh. I may be in the same place as plenty of people who won't want their clients etc looking them up (healthcare professionals, police officers etc) or getting friend requests from them! Hopefully they will have good privacy settings because there are some strange people out there.

Willowtreecottage · 26/02/2019 12:12

Annie
Seriously?

GladAllOver · 26/02/2019 12:23

Facebook is meant to find out as much as it can about you, to sell targeted advertising on Facebook and elsewhere. That's what it was designed to do, and why it makes so much profit.

Bear in mind that 'privacy' settings only limit what other users are intended to see. Facebook itself still sees and remembers everything that you write, everything you search for, and everything that you read.

shpoot · 26/02/2019 12:30

You do have friends in common. Him. And he can hide his posts or relationship status from you if he's trying to minimise his relationship in the hope of getting a bit on the side.

Which is what this sounds like. Back off, he's not available

RoastOx · 26/02/2019 13:28

It really isnt a big deal

Well it clearly is!

It sounds like you really dislike this woman for some reason.

How long have you been shagging him?

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