Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think and know deep down I will never get a bfp

30 replies

Rspu3 · 23/02/2019 12:05

I’ve been ttc for 7 years with nothing. My periods are like clockwork and they’ve only ever been late once last year which got our hopes up which turned out to be a heavy horrendous period (sorry tmi)
We’ve had tests and mine are normal but my oh has a count of only 2-3million per ml. Motility is about 20-30percent. He’s never gotten anyone pregnant (previous partner got
Pregnant straight away with new bf after they had split)
I’ve been pregnant before with ex but had a term over 10 years ago.
I have this feeling that we will never get to have a baby I can’t even imagine getting a bfp
Let alone a baby to bring home. We are waiting for our appointment at the hospital
For more tests I know we will need ivf but even thinking about that I just think it probably won’t even work. Has anyone else felt this certain it wouldn’t happen? And then it did? Any similar circumstances?
Just seems like because it’s been so long trying it can’t physically ever happen for us now. Or it would be too good of luck for
Me/us to get such a miracle of that makes sense.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 23/02/2019 12:07

Good luck, hope it happens for you

Purplejay · 23/02/2019 12:15

Only my mum. They never had any tests, hoped for a baby for many years. Gave up, overstretched their budget and bought a bungalow. Then I arrived after 14 years of marriage. Mum was 39.

Don’t give up. Good luck with the IVF.

Spiceb · 23/02/2019 12:26

Wanted to offer some hope - my husband and I TTC for 5 years with him with vvpoor sperm. We eventually went for IVF. I was like you, so anxious it would not work - worked first time, with his sperm extracted and with me at 38 - I have a beautiful 3 year old. Don't put it off. Good luck x

TheNextCaroleMiddleton · 23/02/2019 12:35

I had a different spin on it when we battled similar infertility issues. You know exactly what the issue is, your DH sperm, and IVF/ICSI will help remove this barrier. We were lucky that 3 NHS funded ICSI cycles ( 2 fresh, 1 frozen, all bfps but the 3rd one stuck) resulted in our DD and then we paid for a further single attempt ourselves which resulted in our DS. I was 37 and 39 and count myself very lucky. The ICSI allowed the sperm to fertilise my eggs, so issue removed. I wish you all the best.

BadgerFace · 23/02/2019 12:36

I assumed that IVF wouldn’t work. I had a very successful first round, lots of spare embryos, was lucky enough to get pregnant and then still assumed I wouldn’t have a baby until she actually arrived. It’s very natural to feel like that and I think self-preservation to think/feel like that. We tried a frozen embryo cycle two years later, it failed, had a month off due to the clinic moving and then very unexpectedly got pregnant naturally. You just never know. Keep the faith (and the infertility boards on Mumsnet are great for support!)

Good luck with your journey.

TheDarkPassenger · 23/02/2019 12:39

Have you considered a donor? I know two couples who have used one and both have beautiful babies, one of them actively searching for another donor for a second child.

Readysteadygoat · 23/02/2019 12:39

Good luck and best wishes OP

Mishappening · 23/02/2019 12:42

Perhaps see the doc - I believe medical science can choose the best sperm and bung 'em in!

fullofcoldahhhh · 23/02/2019 12:43

If the only problem is his sperm are slow and few (but they are there) then there is no reason IVF shouldn't work for you... give it a go OP .. you'll never know if you don't try x

hidinginthenightgarden · 23/02/2019 12:43

My DH has a similar sperm count, low mobility too. They said most were actually dead. We went on the ivf register and 6 weeks later I was pregnant.
It only takes one.

MynameisJune · 23/02/2019 12:44

We ttc DD for 6 years, no hint of a bfp at all. As we were both young we didn’t think about testing for a while. We decided to move house and then when settled go and get tested. Anyway 6 weeks after moving house I got a bfp, completely out of the blue.

DD is 3, and I am due DD2 in May, it took us 19 months of trying for this baby. We got tested and had secondary infertility as a diagnosis. Again we decided I’d move jobs and we would save up for IVF after Christmas just gone. Instead we got another bfp out of the blue, just before starting my new job and after only dtd once the whole month because we’d basically had enough of perfectly timed sex.

So it can happen, and I really hope it happens for you.

PrivacyPolicyYeahRight · 23/02/2019 12:46

What does the clinic say about your chances? I would go from that. I think most people could give you a happy ending story (my colleague has just had twins from IVF) but that doesn’t give an accurate representation of how successful it is because people who don’t succeed don’t tend to publicise it.

We had fertility problems and tried for 3years. We totally gave up on the biological route but couldn’t be happier now. Do whatever you can bare but remember to look after yourselves and pump the doctors for all the facts. Good luck OP!

IWonderedLonelyAsACloud · 23/02/2019 12:47

My friends husband had low motility which dramatically improved with a lifestyle overhaul. He started drinking more water and less beer and coffee. They also used preseed. They have two children. Dont give up Flowers

Hoplittlebunnies · 23/02/2019 13:44

I had this same feeling OP. DH and I tried for 8months, found out he had practically no sperm, decided against IVF and we adopted. I was not cut out for IVF.

However, given that your periods are healthy, IVF with ICSI has a very good chance of working for you. I know you don't want to get your hopes up. But I really hope things work out for you.

Fiveredbricks · 23/02/2019 13:47

Took us over 12yrs OP. Always have hope ❤️ My hope is now 20m old and a little terror. (Fell naturally the month after we decided to stop 'trying' and go travelling 🙄 he obviously didn't want us to 😂)

grinningcheshirecat · 23/02/2019 13:54

ICSI is quite a good method for these kinds of sperm issues.

Littletabbyocelot · 23/02/2019 13:54

If I think back to the last pregnancy test, I still can't believe it was positive. I gave birth nearly 5 years ago. I only went through with the final round of ivf to give my husband closure, I 'knew' it wouldn't work. That was six years in to ttc (knowing we'd need ivf from the start).

I can't tell you it will work but just that feeling isn't a prediction. There is a lot you can do to maximise your chances. Our issue was me but by our final round DH had some problems too. We gave up alcohol, I overhauled my diet, DH stopped using a laptop, etc.

JuneFromBethesda · 23/02/2019 14:05

Seven years, you poor thing. That must be so incredibly hard. I really, really hope it happens for you soon Flowers

rainylake · 23/02/2019 14:21

I was in a similar situation. My DH has forward motility of only 5% (though his count is good which slightly compensates). We conceived our first DD naturally (the month I was starting to fill out the paperwork for IVF as I was resigned to it not happening). A few years later we decided to have ICSI to see if we could have a second child - it was successful and we now have a 4 week old baby. The positive thing is that if it's a sperm motility issue and you have fertility treatment you may well produce lots of eggs and have lots of them fertilise, as they can select the best sperm. So don't despair. I do understand how stressful it is though. Happy to chat if it would help.

TheArtfulScreamer1 · 23/02/2019 14:56

My DH and I TTC for 5 years with no hint of a BFP and yet nothing found to be wrong with either of us, we had our first round of IVF last May/June and I'm currently 37 weeks. You are lucky enough to know exactly what the issue is and any fertility treatment can be tailored to resolve this particular issue. IVF has something like a 20 - 30% success rate depending on varying factors, whilst nobody can promise you'll be successful by the same token nobody can tell you you won't.

Ahostofgoldendaffodils · 23/02/2019 15:09

Don’t give up, I was in the same position as you. I have PCOS, DH poor sperm motility and count. Had a round of ICSI which resulted in our DS. Lo and behold, when DS was 14 months, I got pregnant naturally. We weren’t trying and didn’t use contraception as as far as we were concerned, we didn’t need to. A lovely surprise. I won’t say that IVF/ICSI is an easy path, it definitely isn’t but it could work. Good luck. X

Ahostofgoldendaffodils · 23/02/2019 15:11

Oh, I was a few weeks off 36 when DS was born, and 37 when DD was born. X

Original poster
Rspu3 · 23/02/2019 17:40

Thankyou all so much for your replies it has really helped today when it’s all I’ve been thinking about.
We have seen our doctor and they keep messing about and making mistakes so our hospital appointments keep getting cancelled. Been seeing the gp for nearly a year and have only had tests done that told us it was dh that has mfi.
I’m just scared but I guess time is in our side as I’m 28 and dh is 30 just scared of the future and the what ifs.
You’ve all given me some hope so I really do appreciate it. @rainylake how do I message you on here x

OP posts:
Original poster
Rspu3 · 23/02/2019 17:43

I think also because I ha e so many family/friends getting there bfps so quickly it seems like I’m not moving any forward. I have a relative who got pregnant 5 months after trying so I think it really started to dawn on me thst our situation was not normal and there’s a possibility it may never happen now. Seems so easy for everybody else, also have a sil who is planning when to try. Seems so out of my reach did anyone feel like this?

OP posts:
Scottishgirl85 · 23/02/2019 18:10

Icsi ivf essentially cures male infertility due to low sperm count. We were in similar position with even lower sperm count and it worked. Try not to give up hope, you have a really good chance of success. I remember only to well the feelings of absolute desperation and despair, but you can do this. Good luck x