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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I want a child

77 replies

Lalalyjn · 21/02/2019 15:53

I’ve no partner can’t afford ivf can’t do adoption, should I give up hope?

OP posts:
Ted27 · 21/02/2019 16:27

In adoption land 39 is not old. I was the same age when I decided definitely that I wanted to adopt.
I have a three bedroom house so that wasnt a problem. But my finances were not in the best place so I sorted them out and applied to adopt when I was 43.
To be a successful adopter, particularly a single one, one thing you need to be is a problem solver. This is your first problem to sort out. If you adopt you will have many more challenges ahead of you

Wedgiecar58 · 21/02/2019 16:28

You sound a bit hopeless, OP.

There are many ways of making it work, if you really really want this.

TraLaLaaaaa · 21/02/2019 16:28

Look into IUI with donor sperm, cheaper than IVF and if no fertility problems on your part, it might be all it takes. Or an IVF clinic abroad can be cheaper than the UK.

A one-bedroom flat for a single parent with a baby is absolutely no issue at all for the first few years. Do you think you'll be in a position to move to a bigger place a few years down the line?

Original poster
Lalalyjn · 21/02/2019 16:29

But the point is I could sell up (expensive) change jobs at a loss and buy a 2 bed and I would lose thousands then be knocked back for adoption.

It’s too big a risk.

OP posts:
Livid21 · 21/02/2019 16:29

IUI near me is £3k for three attempts including sperm. Not a high success rate at 39 but works for some people.

downcasteyes · 21/02/2019 16:34

Why would you need to change jobs? Could you not just move to a cheaper area that was still close to work?

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 21/02/2019 16:39

Ok 39 is not too late to meet someone, that's when I met my DP and had ds at 42. My bf has just had her 2nd ds at 46. Concentrate on maybe meeting someone?

Original poster
Lalalyjn · 21/02/2019 16:41

Maybe but most men want to meet someone younger.

OP posts:
Springwalk · 21/02/2019 16:43

Do you have any male friends willing to help op?

Springwalk · 21/02/2019 16:43

Don’t give up hope

Original poster
Lalalyjn · 21/02/2019 16:43

No male friends at all actually!

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 21/02/2019 16:46

Why would you need IVF? IVF is for people who have fertility problems, not people who just don't have a partner.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/02/2019 16:47

It’s too big a risk
Then perhaps you don’t want to adopt enough. So artificial insemination looks like a better option. From what I understand you need to be in the right head space to adopt and not be yearning for a biological child.

flowersaremyfave · 21/02/2019 16:48

If I was 39,single and childless but wanted one. I'd 100% use a sperm bank.

Mitzimaybe · 21/02/2019 16:48

OP: I want...
PP1: Try this
OP: No, can't do that
PP2: What about this?
OP: No
PP3: How about this?
OP: Too big a risk

Nothing to add, OP. If you're ruling out all the options then you'll just have to make your mind up to accepting the situation as it is. Harsh but true.

Original poster
Lalalyjn · 21/02/2019 16:48

Would you turn your life upside down if you “maybe” “might” have a child?

OP posts:
Dreamzcancometrue · 21/02/2019 16:48

The sad fact is not everyone in this life gets to be a parent. Maybe wait for the opportunity for it to happen naturally. I've heard of women in their 40s having kids..so there is still some hope for you.

JacquesHammer · 21/02/2019 16:49

Would you turn your life upside down if you “maybe” “might” have a child?

Yes. Without a shadow of a doubt.

Why not consider IUI? Various clinics throughout the country.

pregnantforever · 21/02/2019 16:49

Can't believe people would suggest ONS.

If you actually had a son and your son was targeted for something like this unwillingly I'm pretty sure the attitude wouldn't be the same.

erja · 21/02/2019 16:49

Agree with @Mitzimaybe post.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/02/2019 16:49

Depends how much you want it. It's OK to not want it enough to make huge sacrifices. It's OK to make them.

FrenchJunebug · 21/02/2019 16:50

Check the DNC network website. Otherwise you can contact a sperm bank and use a turkey baster.

Tennesseewhiskey · 21/02/2019 16:50

Maybe but most men want to meet someone younger.

Eh? If all men want someone younger there is a bunch of men looking for women of 39 then surely?

And most men don't want someone younger. Some men do.

downcasteyes · 21/02/2019 16:52

You need to make an empowered decision. Either you go for it and try to get things right to have a child, or you decide it's too much hassle/risk and that you will accept not being a parent. You're coming over as rather invested in the situation being insoluble, to be honest.

Halloumimuffin · 21/02/2019 16:52

I'm not sure adoption would be an option for OP - I know many currently going through it and the number of hurdles is extreme. Know one woman told she couldn't adopt as she was a bit overweight. A couple who were turned down as they have no nieces or nephews. A single woman in a one bed without family support wouldn't get a look in.