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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving 12 year old alone at night

39 replies

indie118 · 20/02/2019 23:16

So my 12 year old son has been staying at his dad's over the half term. Everything was fine until my son told me that his dad had left him home alone last night. Initially, I thought he meant for a little bit in the evening, which I still wasn't too happy about and then I found out he didn't just mean at night, he meant all night.
Apparently his dad left around 9pm and wasn't back until around noon today. I was angry, naturally.

But, when I spoke to my son's father, he simply said it wasn't a big deal and that my son had a phone if anything happened. He cannot seem to understand that leaving a 12 year old home alone overnight is just not a good idea.

I'm still very angry at him but wanted to make sure this wasn't a common thing and I wasn't just being unreasonable.

Many thanks x

OP posts:

NotMySquirrel · 20/02/2019 23:19

Yanbu. That's irresponsible. What if something happened that rendered him incapable of using the phone?

Supersoaker10 · 20/02/2019 23:20

My DS age 12 was left alone the other night for an hour while H took other DS training. 20 mins in and we had a power cut. Cue DS freaking out and hiding behind a settee thinking a burglar was in house. As much as he is happy to be alone for a few hours normally this proper freaked him out.

12 year olds should defo not be left alone all night......I would also be angry.

madeyemoodysmum · 20/02/2019 23:22

No too young. I’d be livid.

Bobbycat121 · 20/02/2019 23:22

There has been so many threads about leaving children alone recently. Think this is the 4th or 5th ive read in a couple of days!

Notcontent · 20/02/2019 23:23

Gosh, all night is really too much for a 12 year old.

How did your son feel about it? There is no way my 12 year old would be happy with that...

AutumnCrow · 20/02/2019 23:23

Too young for that length of time.

IWantMyHatBack · 20/02/2019 23:25

Too young. 14 or 15 minimum for that length of time. If not older

BackforGood · 20/02/2019 23:52

No, a 12 yr old shouldn't be left alone overnight.
Blimey, I'm wobbling about my 17 yr old

ineedaholidaynow · 20/02/2019 23:56

I thought NSPCC advice was that under 16s shouldn’t be left alone at night.

We left DS alone during the day when he was 12 but not all day, and haven’t left him alone late evening yet and he is now 13

dangermouseisace · 20/02/2019 23:58

I’d be livid.

I’m all for giving kids age appropriate time without an adult. I might leave my son for an hour or a little bit more if I was only going to be 10 mins walking distance away, and only if he specifically requested that. Overnight is far too much for a 12 year old. You are definitely not being unreasonable, his dad is being a pillock.

KarmaStar · 21/02/2019 00:02

My son would not be staying over again if this happened.How utterly selfish and irresponsible.

NigellaAwesome · 21/02/2019 00:02

I'm definitely at the lax parent end of the spectrum, and I wouldn't do this.

I'd be confident leaving my 12 year old in the house with his 14 yo sister from about 8pm to 11pm with at least 1 phone call in that period.

I wouldn't contemplate overnight by himself at that age. YANBU.

Connieston · 21/02/2019 00:03

Nope YANBU. An hour or two at that age, maybe longer during the day. An overnighter into the morning? Nope. That's neglectful. Also what's the point of him having his son over to stay if he's not even there? What a test.

Connieston · 21/02/2019 00:04

Twat not test!

Mrskeats · 21/02/2019 00:05

No way that’s far too young.

user1473878824 · 21/02/2019 00:06

God absolutely not!

IncrediblySadToo · 21/02/2019 00:06

Not overnight, no.

AlexaShutUp · 21/02/2019 00:10

Too young. I have a very mature and sensible 13yo. No way would I leave her overnight.

ClaireElizabethBeuchampFraser · 21/02/2019 00:14

That’s appalling, I would be making sure that your ds contacts you the next time his Dad leaves him alone at night! In fact I would want to stop overnights completely. Is your ds ok? I know they act tough (I have an 11 yo ds who turns 12 this year) but my ds would be panicking! I have never left either of my two alone during the day or night yet. I don’t intend to until they are much older (although in fairness my ds is on the spectrum).

In fact, my ex neighbour got in a lot of trouble over this, she left her then 12yo dd at home and went out with her dp to shops. When she returned there were fire engines, police officers and social workers waiting for her. They lived in a block of flats and the flat underneath theirs had a fire whilst they were out. The poor girl was terrified and didn’t know what to do, luckily another neighbour knew she was upstairs and had watched her dm and dp leave, so informed the firemen. They had to break down her door and she ended up hospitalised for smoke inhalation. But it could have been so much worse! They were charged with neglect if I remember right and she was very lucky not to lose custody of her dd.

I know that kids of that age can act really mature, but nobody knows how they would react if they were placed in an emergency situation. That’s why they shouldn’t have to face dealing with a situation like that on their own!

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 21/02/2019 00:18

I thought I was relaxed, would happily leave a 12 year old with a phone for an hour or so while I popped out, or after school until I got home. But longer and especially overnight no. This is neglect

colditz · 21/02/2019 00:25

My 12 year old would freak the fuck out if this was done to him. I leave him and his older brother all the time, in dribs and drabs, and occasionally as late as 11 pm, but never, ever would I even consider leaving him overnight. There's not need and there's no excuse. I might do it in an absolute emergency (for example, other son is dying in an ambulance level of emergency!) but would endeavor to arrange an adult asap.

To just casually fuck off for 15 hours is negelctful and shit.

My advice is to keep contact to saturday afternoons

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 21/02/2019 00:28

In terms of future contact I would be led by your son (and I say this as a step mum). Does he feel safe going back, do you feel comfortable it won’t happen again? Do you need to get something written up to guarantee this won’t happen again or will his word count (if he’ll give it)?

Pumpkintopf · 21/02/2019 00:28

No! This is awful, your poor DS. I'd be stopping overnight stays on this basis particularly as the father doesn't appear to see it's a problem.

Italiangreyhound · 21/02/2019 00:30

Surely your ex is supposed to be spending valuable time with his son not buggering off out for 15 hours.

If your son doesn't want to go again I'd not want to send him.

Your ex is a twat but then I guess you know that.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 21/02/2019 00:31

12 is far too young to be left alone overnight and for that long. Unless your son's father promises it won't happen again then I would not be allowing overnight stays and if the father doesn't like it then tell him if he does it again you will be reporting him to social services. He needs to realise how serious this was. What's the point of him having his son to stay if he is going to leave him alone all that time? He is a rubbish father for putting getting his rocks off before his son's safety.

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