Leaving 12 year old alone at night

[indie118]

So my 12 year old son has been staying at his dad's over the half term. Everything was fine until my son told me that his dad had left him home alone last night. Initially, I thought he meant for a little bit in the evening, which I still wasn't too happy about and then I found out he didn't just mean at night, he meant all night.
Apparently his dad left around 9pm and wasn't back until around noon today. I was angry, naturally.

But, when I spoke to my son's father, he simply said it wasn't a big deal and that my son had a phone if anything happened. He cannot seem to understand that leaving a 12 year old home alone overnight is just not a good idea.

I'm still very angry at him but wanted to make sure this wasn't a common thing and I wasn't just being unreasonable.

Many thanks x

Too young.

Not normal - far too young! I have a 16yr old and would not leave him alone all night just yet! home alone 12 is just wrong - he is still just a kid. TBH I hated it when DH did nights and I was left on my own at 30-took a lot of getting used to and I was helped by

12 is far too young to leave alone for that length of time and what is the point of having contact time if there is no contact?

As PP said your ex is a twat.

Mr Twat made a twattish move and his attitude demonstrates his commitment to your son and to your opinion. He is a selfish prick.

No chance. My 12 year old loves being home alone for a few hours but I wouldn't dream of overnight.

Bloody hell - I'd be FUMING! No way would I leave even a sensible, confident & mature 12yr old overnight by themselves - & for that amount of time, too! Literally anything could have happened!! Where/who was so important that your twat of an ex put his child in that position?! Seriously shit parenting. Let him have it with both barrels - you are DEFINITELY NOT being unreasonable!

No way. He is too young.

If Ex had somewhere to be then he should have requested a change of access weekend and DS stay with you.

I'm all for teaching DC independence and left my teen alone in increasing amounts until we were both confident that he was happy with overnights at 16. But 12 is too young. No question.

I'm a believer in teaching children to be independent and preparing them for different eventualities so would certainly expect a 12 year old to have experience of being in the house alone and to know who to call if worried and what to do if the smoke alarm went off or the doorbell rang but
I most certainly would not accept a 12 year old being left alone in a flat from 9pm to 12 noon! That's totally and completely inappropriate. Far too long and far too late.

Wtf was his dad doing? Working a night shift? Out clubbing? Surely it can't have been both unavoidable and unforseen!

Far too young

No way that is far too young! I have a 15 and 13 y/o and they are well behaved enough to leave for a few hours in the evening but I would never leave them overnight. There are a million and 1 things that could happen and they are just not mature enough to cope. As an adult I would be stressed and scared by a house fire so could a young pre teen cope?

I generally think we molly coddle a bit too much these days but I would be fucking fuming if my ex left my 12yr old overnight! How utterly selfish and irresponsible of him. How does your son feel about it op?

Just another point OP, what is the point of your son going to his Dads for his contact time, if his Dad isn't even there?

And no I wouldn't leave a DC overnight until 16 - 18 and probably not on their own then either, maybe with a friend or sibling but not alone.

Thanks to you all. It's really great to know I'm in the right

Wanted to reply to a few of the questions:

For how my son feels, he's saying he doesn't mind and that it's not a big deal (basically repeating what his dad said verbatim). But, I think he might just be saying that to impress his dad or something. His dad has definitely told him how angry I was, because my son kept telling me to calm down and not get so annoyed (this just annoyed me more because his dad knows I don't want our son involved in any arguments we have)

For those calling my ex a bit of a twat - you're absolutely right, hence the 'ex'.

I also asked him what was so important that he left our son alone for that long during one of the few nights he has him, and apparently he was just 'out'. I'm assuming he was out with his friends or a new woman or both- not completely sure.

But, again, thanks very much everyone x

Maybe call the twat's bluff.

Tell him if it's 'Not that big a deal' then he won't mind you checking it out with the Police and the NSPCC, will he? And actually ring them and ask. They'll both tell you it's not a good idea.