Facebook Birth Groups

[littlerascal12345]

AIBU to think that these are a nightmare?

I've just left my second. Was on one with my first child and not long after they were born it all descended into bitchiness. If you offered an actual opinion rather than 'you ok hun?' It wasn't liked.

Baby 2 is now 12 weeks old. I posted in the group I've just left asking advice about moving him to his own room as he disturbs me constantly but sleeps through himself. Only to be basically shot down with all the so called risks and the 'admin' shoving guidelines down my throat.

Does anyone actually find these groups good or useful or are they just another way to make mums feel like crap?! Friends I've got love theirs.

Most are crap. Full of attention seeking shites playing who's the most instamommy.

I was on another one actually got this second baby, so I've left three. Was originally run by an organisation who then handed it over to the moderators when the babies arrived.

That one was ludicrous. There are literally topic you weren't allowed to mention (early weaning for example) or the post would be deleted and you'd get a warning.

It's a shame I'd like to chat to other mums but I can't abide by all these stupid rules.

Hit and miss I think. The one I was in for DC1 died a natural death as everyone got busier/went back to work.
The one I'm in for DC2 is an amazing group of people who I'm still chatting to online nearly 3 years later.

That's interesting. I've never managed one past a few months!

Strawberry I wonder if you're in the same one as me DS is nearly 3 and I'm in a lovely FB baby group.

I'm in one (started on MNet and moved to FB) and it's wonderful. Non-judgemental, open to discussion, full of mums from totally different situations and backgrounds but all really caring and welcoming. I couldn't be without it, it's been such an amazing support. We have mums and babies in really difficult situations and I think that's helped us not to sweat the small stuff if you know what I mean. I do feel very lucky to have found them as it doesn't seem to be the usual experience.

It's hit and miss OP, some admins are power hungry dictators who want to police what everyone says and does.

Some people are super chilled and lovely. I think you find your people and you stick with them.

I'm still talking to a fabulous bunch of ladies 2 years down the line.

I’m also on a MN/FB one. It’s fine, though there’s slightly too much hunning for my liking.

I was on a baby group for people local to my town and got laughed at because at 10 months my daughter was underweight and had severe reflux due to cmpa. Turned out one of the people laughing at my daughter also happened to be the lady who lived opposite my house!

The whole group turned on me and started to tell me how my daughter was better off dead because I weaned her at 4 months as recommended by a paediatrician.

Apparently she was better off dying at a young age due to malnutrition than being weaned early and suffering IBS and chrons disease that she was guaranteed to get now.

I don't even bother with the groups anymore and I won't in the future full of very nasty judgmental people.

No but I joined a FB anaphylaxis group because of the epipen shortage and it was like another world. A world I had no desire to be a part of.

Everyone is an expert just waiting to leap on and criticise anyone else’s opinion or indeed knowledge.

They were all twats.

I was in one for a couple of years that was the absolute opposite - to its detriment! I ended up leaving it because they would enable ANYTHING with such flowery support that everything felt insincere. I just couldn't get over the encouragement they gave one woman to just get a new puppy when her previous one got run over (after she got it BEFORE sorting out putting up a fence because she missed her last dog so much. That last dog? Run over). It was sickening. I felt so much better once I binned them!

(don't feel guilt about moving your baby. Mine were in their own rooms from day 3 and 5 respectively. Can't sleep with them in my room at all! It'll be fine)

I think it's important to join groups with a bit of a shared ethos - not so that you go into an echo chamber, just so you don't waste time and put people's backs up by asking people for advice you are never going to take due to how you want to raise your family. Otherwise as you say it all gets a bit 'whatever's right for you and your baby' which is anodyne and pointless. But for example I get great advice and support from my self-selected group of mum friends because they all know when I moan about no sleep for e.g., I am never going to let my daughter cry it out. So they don't suggest it, I don't reject it and no-one gets offended or ostracised.

Large mixed groups with different approaches can be nice for general chat and cuteness, but for effective advice and a real sense of being supported and helped the group has to rally round at least some basic principles. IMO.

@PrancingP they sound like first class bitches. Well off out of it.

I joined a home birth group and couldn't believe the amount of women in the group who were huge advocates for free birthing (labouring, giving birth with no HCPs present at all). Bloody terrifying, I've no idea why you would encourage women to do something so stupid. Yes it is the most natural thing in the world, yes our bodies are designed to do it, but when so many things can go horrifically wrong, and so quickly during birth, why the fuck would you risk yours and your baby's life?!

I'm in 2. One started on yahoo groups in 1998 - the kids are all coming up to 20. We moved to a FB group a while ago.

The other started in 2008.

Never had a problem and have made some life-long friends.

I'm in a really nice group of about 20-30 women from all over the world I've been speaking to for about 3 years. It's really nice, everyone has different opinions but generally are very supportive and it's lovely to have people to talk to without judgement and be able to ask "is this normal?"

I'm 6 months pregnant with my second and I'm scared to go looking for a new group.

I'm in one that was started by Kicks Count for March 2018 babies and then handed over when babies were all born. It's a really nice group to be honest. Everyone is supportive. There's no hunning really and no bitching when people aren't in agreement. Some of the group are now joining new groups as they are pregnant again and so many are saying how awful the other groups are. I think we've been really lucky with the group we've had

@PrancingP that's so horrible. There are some great CMPA support groups on Facebook if you're still struggling- CMPA support for breastfeeding, CMPA support for weaning-etc. Maybe try those, really helped me

The shared ethos is a must. I've been on a few and normal facebook groups and they can be savage!

@Namestheyareachangin
I am definitely better off out of it. I couldn't get them to understand that the majority of paediatricians don't believe in the 6 month guidelines and that they think all babies should begin weaning at 4 months old.

Anyways OP I would personally move baby into own room I did that to my kids at 2 months old for the same reasons as you have.

I'm on one that started on MN and moved to FB and it's great. Very supportive but people still give good advice. It's been a complete lifeline tbh, seeing others going through the same things at the same times. There are obviously different views on parenting but no bust ups yet.

I have a really great one for my daughter but I think it's unique, I've just joined one as expecting again and I'm mostly rolling my eyes at the posts.

I left one, but only as my DC is disabled and has global development delay. It was too darn depressing watching all these baby's meet their milestones and my little lass was doing very little.

I enjoy it all a lot more now I've not got daily reminder about what my baby isn't doing.

• The group itself was fine, it was my own feelings that led me to decide to leave.

I love mine, although our babies are still only 14-15 months old. It's very supportive and gives useful firm advice, and not all your bubba your rullz hunz..

BUT, OP - on one hand you complain that people are not giving actual advice, and on the other you're so annoyed that they're shoving "guidelines" and "so-called risks" down your throat about safe sleep for babies. Did you want them to just say "you go mama your bubbz!"???? You don't have to adhere to the guidelines of the Lullaby Trust or the NHS, but you can't pretend like they don't exist, and people aren't allowed to refer to them!