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Original poster

My friend has turned my other friends against me

39 replies

Fish1984 · 19/02/2019 20:39

I used to work with one of my best friends. I got accused of stealing from work, I didn't and never have done. During investigation I was told I wasn't allowed to speak to anyone from work, after 2 weeks of not hearing anything I tried calling my friend. She text to say wait until after investigation is done, that hurt but I thought fair enough. Had my investigation and it was a joke, company admitted they couldn't see me taking any money but paperwork didn't make sense, I pointed out it hardly ever does which is why we have asked for a new till. Anyway they only investigated the 2 members of staff who never cash up not any of the ones who know what it's like. After my friend was interviewed I hoped we could meet as I wanted to say face to face I havnt done it. She agreed then just before cancelled and said she didn't want to be associated with me. We have been friends for 20+ years. Due to go on a hen party in 3 months, concert and then family holiday later this year. I got dismissed from work, I was too ill to go to dismissal meeting and they went ahead even with a sick note. I'm in the process of going through unfair dismissal with citizens advice as I havnt done anything.
I noticed my friends are no longer communicating on our what's app group, but after checking they all seem to be logging on around the same time. I thought it might be a coincidence but no1 apart from me wished one our friends children happy birthday on the group which we always do.
I hadn't spoken with my other friends as this only finished on Saturday and tbh I have been extremely depressed with it all and shocked my friend has done this.
My husband says they are obviously not my friends if this is what they are doing but I'm devastated. I havnt even spoken to any of them, how can they just ignore me n cut me out of the group. Thanks

OP posts:
timeforteaplease1 · 19/02/2019 20:45

If you are innocent and your friends have turned their back on you then they are not your friends. I really hope you manage to prove your innocence - that must be so frustrating.

FWIW - about 20 years ago a close friend of my parents was charged and convicted of stealing money. She admitted it and it caused mayhem. It was not an insignificant sum.

My parents remained friends with her and her husband (who was not involved) when many turned their backs on both of them.

Their reasoning was that people do things they are not proud of and they told her what she did was unforgivable but they would still be there for her.

Many may say my parents were in the wrong but I think they did the right thing.

Emeraldshamrock · 19/02/2019 20:46

That is tough OP, if you know you didn't do it and they have no evidence, hopefully you will get some compensation.
Your friend seems sure of it, I would forget her especially after this.

HedgehogStew · 19/02/2019 20:54

Do you think there is any possibility that your friend might have been the one who actually stole the money and that's the real reason why she doesn't want to see you?

Original poster
Fish1984 · 19/02/2019 20:57

They gave me evidence of the till since April 2018. The till was out 139 days, 59 of those days I wasn't even in work. We have complained about the till numerous times,yet my so called friend denyed this yet the other manager agreed with it. My friend in the text message said the investigation had been hard on her, yet the copy of her interview I had in the evidence showed her getting asked 5 questions and speaking 51 words. My F.I.L used to do HR for the M.O.D and he reckons the took it so far they had to see it through. They have accused me of stealing £90.90 at 9.08am. We only have a float of £20 and on an average day take between £180 - £250 total. None of it makes sense. I'm heart broken with how she has treated me. Don't know how to speak to my friends. I was already struggling before she did this. Don't even want to leave the house atm

OP posts:
SabineUndine · 19/02/2019 21:00

Hedgehog that is exactly what I was thinking.

Original poster
Fish1984 · 19/02/2019 21:03

My sister said the same. I hope she hasn't. I can cope with the work side of it because I know I havnt done it and I will make sure I clear my name.
But the way she has made me feel like I'm nothing has really hurt me

OP posts:
Wowzel · 19/02/2019 21:07

I think your friend was stealing the money

zzzzz · 19/02/2019 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Fish1984 · 19/02/2019 21:13

What I don't get is if my other friends just stop talking to me. For me to fall out with one of my friends they would either have to do something to really hurt me like sleep with my husband or kill someone. I would never stop talking to them over something like this

OP posts:
Villanellesproudmum · 19/02/2019 21:21

It might be worth speaking to a solicitor, citizens advice are good but very stretched sounds as though you need some good advice on this.

Merchantgirl · 19/02/2019 21:24

As other posters have said, the first thing is thought was "she has something to hide!"

I think you have to accept the aren't decent friends if they believe what this one person has said, hold your head up high and focus on the unfair dismissal-were police involved?

PeterPiperPickedWrong · 19/02/2019 21:25

I also suspect she is the guilty one.
They aren’t your friends. Block them and hold your head high. It will be tough but don’t give up on clearing your name and hopefully the truth will come out eventually, sorry it’s taking its toll on you Flowers

OwlBeThere · 19/02/2019 21:26

oh sweetheart, your hurt is palpable in your words and i would feel the same in your shoes. to just cut you out without hearing your side of things even is shitty behaviour. but hold your head high, you know you didn't do this, and whether she did it or not, shes shown her true colours.

Zoflorabore · 19/02/2019 21:26

Wow op that is bloody awful of her. What a cow.
First thing first though is clearing your name as this is clearly hanging over you and will be affecting your life until it's resolved.

Secondly, any decent friend would know your character, your strengths and weaknesses etc and would know that you would never do such a thing. Says more about her than you. Remember that.
Sometimes in life it takes something like this to unfortunately see people for who and what they are. You do not need friends like these, their loss Flowers

Best of luck in clearing your name x

HedgehogStew · 19/02/2019 21:28

I can understand why you're upset, but your husband is right these people aren't your friends. Real friends don't act like this. Please keep fighting your unfair dismissal. I'm sure the truth will come out in the end.

itswinetime · 19/02/2019 21:34

Are all of your friends work friends? Have none of them been in contact in the whole time you were going through this? I think I would want to reach out to someone else in the group try and find out what has been said and then put the record straight.

It doesn't change the fact they are shits for treating you like this but I would need to know what had happened in order to start moving on is there anyone you could speak to?

Original poster
Fish1984 · 19/02/2019 21:36

Thanks guys. Is nice to hear from people who don't know me. I will clear my name and I will have to walk away from her and anyone else that treats me this way. Just a scary thought at 34 losing your friends and starting again.

No police involved x

OP posts:
Original poster
Fish1984 · 19/02/2019 21:39

No I only work with one of them. I didn't say anything when it was all being investigated as It blind sided me and I went downhill quickly. I didn't want to involve them when I hadn't spoken to the girl I work with. I thought by now we'd of gone for a coffee n shrugged it off.

OP posts:
itswinetime · 19/02/2019 21:46

That's shitty is there anyone in the group you would feel comfortable approaching? Don't blame you if not it's shitty none of them have reached out to you in all this time!

Original poster
Fish1984 · 19/02/2019 21:48

Itswinetime I'm just really insecure at the moment and worried if I say anything over text it will go around the group rather then just to me

OP posts:
itswinetime · 19/02/2019 21:51

That's fair enough it isn't on you to contact them at all I just know personally I wouldn't be able to move forward without talking to someone but you are the wronged party it isn't on you it's on them!

Emeraldshamrock · 19/02/2019 21:52

I would see a solicitor about a defamation of character claim, I am not about the UK but I have seen cases of defamation in Ireland.
I would fight this tooth and nail, they haven't got the police involved as they are playing with fire, on days you were not there.
You're been made the scale goat, see a no win no fee solicitor, keep all the correspondence.
You're well rid of your friend, I would insist they had a police investigation, I bet they won't.

Mrs9C · 19/02/2019 22:00

I'm very sorry this has happened, it's a bitterly painful experience, I know because it's happened to me recently. I made the mistake of being friends with two sisters and one cut a lot of people (including me) out of her life, the sister followed and took the mutual friends we have along. I noticed this happening on the WhatsApp group too. I'm looking at it as an experience that'll help me understand how my teens may feel going through the same experience, and how realistic the pain is. Just never thought grown women could be so childlike. It's difficult to pick up, wipe down and seek out new friends, I'm not at that stage yet. Must be so much more difficult having been accused of something you're innocent of.

Honeyroar · 19/02/2019 22:02

.Hurtful though it is, hold your head up, clear your name, get back on your feet and move forward. New job, new friends. These ones just need leaving behind.

SusieOwl4 · 19/02/2019 22:05

I would concentrate on clearing your name . And if they have abandoned you without even asking your side of the story unfortunately I don’t think they are true friends . I agree as well you could do with some professional help and you would be entitled to compensation. Have you contacted Acas? Hold your head up high and try and keep strong because you don’t deserve this . I would be feeling very angry if I was you.

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