My friend has turned my other friends against me

[Fish1984]

I used to work with one of my best friends. I got accused of stealing from work, I didn't and never have done. During investigation I was told I wasn't allowed to speak to anyone from work, after 2 weeks of not hearing anything I tried calling my friend. She text to say wait until after investigation is done, that hurt but I thought fair enough. Had my investigation and it was a joke, company admitted they couldn't see me taking any money but paperwork didn't make sense, I pointed out it hardly ever does which is why we have asked for a new till. Anyway they only investigated the 2 members of staff who never cash up not any of the ones who know what it's like. After my friend was interviewed I hoped we could meet as I wanted to say face to face I havnt done it. She agreed then just before cancelled and said she didn't want to be associated with me. We have been friends for 20+ years. Due to go on a hen party in 3 months, concert and then family holiday later this year. I got dismissed from work, I was too ill to go to dismissal meeting and they went ahead even with a sick note. I'm in the process of going through unfair dismissal with citizens advice as I havnt done anything.
I noticed my friends are no longer communicating on our what's app group, but after checking they all seem to be logging on around the same time. I thought it might be a coincidence but no1 apart from me wished one our friends children happy birthday on the group which we always do.
I hadn't spoken with my other friends as this only finished on Saturday and tbh I have been extremely depressed with it all and shocked my friend has done this.
My husband says they are obviously not my friends if this is what they are doing but I'm devastated. I havnt even spoken to any of them, how can they just ignore me n cut me out of the group. Thanks

Also if you are suffering with stress because of this then please get that on your doctors records . It might be relevant later if you go for compensation.

Mrs9c sorry to hear you are going through it aswell. Can't believe some people can be so cruel

SusieOwl4 I ended up being put on propanolol 2 weeks ago and my pulse was sky high. Back to the Drs again tomorrow. Have been struggling eating and sleeping, managed to get myself in a right state

At the least I would certainly tell them both that you will report if it happens again. My brother (4 years older) used to hit me when we were young. My parents did nothing to stop him. When I was at uni I met some people from my home town. When they realised who he was they said that he was known as a bully at his school. It was only then that the penny dropped for me that I had been bullied in my home. Your brother is the same and you should protect yourself and your dc from him.

So sorry about all this OP, it sounds like a walking nightmare for you. This is why I've always hated working with money - even in jobs with good technology, floats can be down at the end of the day.

I'd like to think that I'd group text them all and say "whats up guys have I done something to upset you all, seems like nobody's talking to me". But I hate confrontation so I probably wouldn't actually do it.

Saying that, they don't sound like genuine friends anyway; and yes, as I was reading your post I was thinking that your "friend" was very possibly the thief. Hopefully it will all be resolved to your satisfaction

I was accused once of stealing from a till - I was furious and when I threatened to take them to court (I was 18 so this was unexpected) they looked into it further and realised the manager was stealing the money. The manager had gone around sacking all the other 18 year olds accusing them of stealing money when it was him all along. I hope things get sorted for you. I agree with your hubby they are not good friends...but people can make mistakes. Once your name is cleared I hope they will approach you and apologise and you can decide where to go from there. There is also the argument that one of them is stealing and using you as a scape goat. I am sorry this has happened to you.

It's so horrible, it really does affect your appetite and sleep. Everything feels sooo much worse at night too, always blown out of proportion as you toss and turn. Really hope it gets better soon. Listening to audio books at night, or something that you find can take your mind off it might help. Keeping busy in the day too, but maybe that's my way of avoiding thinking about it. I hope you're able to clear your name very soon., not that I think your friends, sadly, are worth having back

She stole the money. She is no friend of yours. She’s a horrible person. She’s sabotaged you big time.

Op if your friend of 20 years can toss you aside like that then hold your head up high, don't let her see that she hurt you,

And if the others can stop being your friend on her say so then they weren't the friends you thought they were,

Don't pay any attention to them all, don't contact them or try to explain yourself (you don't owe them any explanation, this is between you and your workplace) and most importantly don't beg for them to be friends with you...if someone wants to be your friend they will, of they don't want to then they won't, simple as that, never lower yourself to beg someone to be your friend...walk away with your head held high and low to yourself you will choose kinder nicer friends in the future

About whatsapp, they may have made a second group that you aren't part of and all be talking on there, that might be why you can see they are all online

Honestly though of friends can dump you in your time of trouble and need then screw them, block them, etc and when they eventually come wheedling back be firm and tell them all to fuck off...because how can you have people like that in your life, of they think you are a thief how will their minds ever change, and how will you ever be able to trust and feel.comfortable around them after all this knowing they all ghosted you and dumped you ...I would cut my losses and find new friends

Have you appealed against the dismissal?

If me friend said she didn't steal I'd believe her. It's awkward for the girl at work and I understand why she may keep her distance but not the others. Why don't you ask one of them out for a coffee and see what happens ?

If I were you I would either insist that the police get involved or call them in yourself. How can they sack you legally if you weren't even there on 59 of the days! Something doesn't add up and it could be that your 'friend' has put the boot in to deflect attention away from herself. Do not let them get away with it as mud sticks and this could follow you around for the rest of your working life. How will you get a decent reference for example! Never mind your fickle friends they are the least of your worries, for goodness sake clear your name! Good luck.

I hope you clear your name OP.. Keep us updated

I'm not sure why people are jumping to the conclusion the friend stole. That seems a bit of a leap to me.

Op, it seems to be she's taken a moral stance, and objected to her honestly being called into question and her job being put at risk, and thinks uoure guilty and the cause of what happened at work.

I'd say focus on clearing your name, it's hard that you were too ill to attend the final meeting, but it sounds like you've good evidence to show it wasn't theft.

I don't think I would take the approach your friend has, if I thought a friend of mine was guilty I'd try to find out what has caused the behaviour, and I don't know why thr other friends have also turned their backs, but would agree with your husband they are not your friends.

Focus on clearing your name and try not to focus on them, good luck.