Partner not working full time

[TimMw]

Am I being unreasonable to ask my partner to work full time? We have a son that is 13 years old, 14 in a month. He travels on his own to school and has house keys. We need every penny. For the last 5-6 years, her excuse has been starting a business and waiting for it to take off. Some weeks she may get some clients others none. It is very unreliable income. On average she is working about 15 hours a week. The pressure and strain of being the main bread winner is depressing and taking it tow on me. We don’t have a young child any more and there is nothing wrong with her to work full time. It is depressing seeing her sleep till midday, and work only a couple of days a week. The house work was so bad I now have to pay for a cleaner. I would appreciate some advice and input. Am I being unfair ?

I would wonder if she was depressed. It’s the only time in my life when I slept a lot and didn’t tidy.

How much do you earn?
Because I wonder if you are just resentful and feel you are “funding her lifestyle”

The house work was so bad I now have to pay for a cleaner

So you are happy to smash £50 pw up the wall but you need “every penny you can get”

If this is a serious post I’d suggest you would be better off doing a cleaning blitz as a family once a week (maybe paying your 13 year old £5ph as chore money and also teaching them some life skills/work ethic in the process)

I think you should also have a proper conversation with your wife

i wonder if you are just resentful and feel you are “funding her lifestyle”

Well he is funding her lifestyle and he’s allowed to feel resentful of that.

Obviously if there are health issues that puts another slant on it, but he’s allowed to feel miffed that she isn’t contributing to the household if she’s capable of doing so.

My partner was working part time and/or off and on. I also told him he had to get full time work. I do earn a good wage but money was tight and I don’t see why he should have the luxury of living a leisurely life when I work 5 days a week. He now works full time and is very resentful about it and having to give me money each week (ie contribute to the bills, I don’t ask for much, just a fair contribution. It has shown me his true colours to be honest. I hope your wife is more open to being a team than my partner. But totally agree both people should work full time in a relationship.

If this is a serious post I’d suggest you would be better off doing a cleaning blitz as a family once a week (maybe paying your 13 year old £5ph as chore money and also teaching them some life skills/work ethic in the process)

Why should the OP have to clean the house when he is working full time and has a partner at home who is doing absolutely fuck all?

Unless you're on a salary of 100k and you're asking her to work a menial job fir the sake of it YANBU.

It's difficult for people who have essentially given up what could have been a good career to look after kids and have to go back to work that is far less rewarding. However if you need the money (and especially if your job isn't exactly your ideal career either) that's just what she has to do.

I also don't see why she can't do the housework is she depressed or just lazy or perhaps in a rut?

She should be working full time, no reason for her not to. I would leave a partner who refused to put in a fair contribution to our family. If I had a partner at home most of the time I'd expect them to do the vast majority of housework.

She's showing she doesn't care that you feel under so much pressure to keep the family financially afloat. Which also shows a lack of love.

She has just as much responsibility to support the family as you do, I'd put it to her like that.