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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my neighbours complaint was unfair?

29 replies

Frequency · 19/02/2019 16:17

I might well be unreasonable and I am perfectly prepared to accept if I am deemed to be unreasonable but this feels a but unfair to me.

My neighbours have four kids. One Primary aged, one seventeen year old and two secondary aged and they're loud. My bedroom is next door to one of the secondary aged kids and if I'm on nights on a weekend or half term I kick my eldest daughter out of her room because it is impossible to sleep over the top of their son screaming (and I do mean screaming) at his console game.

The father constantly screams at the two dogs and one of the children. It is every single day. I learned the names of their dogs within half an hour of having the keys because he was constantly screaming at them.

Over the summer holidays they throw garden parties once or twice a week and often take speakers out into the garden. They generally finish up at about 1 or 2am. When they're not throwing garden parties they're leaving the teenager alone who throws wild house parties (think teenagers leaning out of windows screaming and teen girls screeching at each other). Again these finish at around 1am and only once has it got so out of hand that my property was damaged (a concrete bird bath was smashed).

During the day their youngest child plays in my front garden so I have to sit with the curtains closed to stop my own dog cracking up.

I've taken all of this on chin as part and parcel of living in close proximity to other people and although it bothered me because I work 12-15 hour shifts (6pm to 8am or 6am to 6pm or 6am to 9pm) plus I have college so I'm constantly knackered but I always figured it's not their fault I work long, unsociable hours so never complained or disliked them for it.

Last night my family came around for drinks. We were playing music. The speaker is on the party wall but we were talking so the music wasn't excessively loud and the speaker itself is only an iPig type thing not a massive sub woofer like they have.

At around 10pm the bloke from next door almost smashed down the door he thumped on it that hard. He very abruptly told me I was keeping his child awake and that he had to work early in the morning.

I have people round around three times a year. I never scream or shout at my kids or dogs. My kids don't scream at their games consoles until gone 11pm at night. I did apologise and moved everyone to the kitchen which is detached and the furthest we could get from their house but I feel given the level of constant noise they make their actions (mostly the rudeness) were uncalled for. AIBU? And also would I BU to now start complaining when they keep me awake?

I probably won't complain I hate confrontation

OP posts:
drinkygin · 19/02/2019 16:21

I think they weren’t unreasonable purely because you’ve never actually complained to them, therefore they’re possibly unaware of how loud they are and how their voices carry. He was being unreasonable for banging the door down and being rude, though. Maybe knock and have a chat today when things are a bit calmer?

Nesssie · 19/02/2019 16:22

Cheeky fucker.

My neighbours are exactly the same, so noisy and inconsiderate and yet I never say anything so that if on the very rare occasion I want to play music a bit loud, they don't have a leg to stand on.

I wouldn't change anything but if he does come round to complain next time, I would mention the specific dates of the parties they have had and ask why they were ok, but your music isn't.

Neighbours like them are nightmares.

Iloveacurry · 19/02/2019 16:24

Next time they’re loud, complain.

drinkygin · 19/02/2019 16:26

Sorry didn’t take into account their loud parties, surely they’re aware that they’re noisy then. I still say have a chat when both calm and discuss boundaries.

PinkiOcelot · 19/02/2019 16:30

How did you stop yourself from telling him exactly where to go?! Cheeky bastard!!

Frequency · 19/02/2019 16:32

How did you stop yourself from telling him exactly where to go?! Cheeky bastard!!

It took me by surprise and also scared the crap out of all of us. I think I was a bit stunned tbh. It was only when I closed the door I realised how rude he'd been and started to get a bit pissed off about it.

OP posts:
Pinkyyy · 19/02/2019 16:35

If have told them what to go and do with their complaint.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 19/02/2019 16:37

Write a list of your complaints. Ask him to deal with them or you will report him.
Cfuckery at its best.

Oakmaiden · 19/02/2019 16:42

In fairness, though "But you do it too" is a crap reason to justify being anti social...

Juells · 19/02/2019 16:50

Keep a diary of their noise, record them if possible, and next time he complains let him have both barrels.

onlyk · 19/02/2019 16:51

From your post I assume you’ve never knocked on their down to let them know their noise is disturbing you.

I would suggest from now on you do.

Personally if my neighbors consistently had loud parties til the early hours I would of already complained and if it continued involve the police.

AryaStarkWolf · 19/02/2019 16:52

I get the feeling that these people are a bit intimidating and that's why you haven't complained before?

RiverTam · 19/02/2019 16:53

the only unreasonable things you've done is accept that their noise is part and parcel - it isn't, it's excessive, and not told your neighbour to get to fuck.

Stop being such a doormat!

Lemoneeza · 19/02/2019 16:55

probably best to move house.

Yabbers · 19/02/2019 17:02

only when I closed the door I realised how rude he'd been and started to get a bit pissed off about it.
Oh come on.

Frequency · 19/02/2019 17:03

The way he behaved last night was intimidating but generally no, they're fine. The teenager is a bit rough and mouthy. The small child is lovely and I genuinely don't mind her playing in the garden I just thought the fact that I allow it should have given me some brownie points with their parents and allowed me a few free passes, iyswim? The mother is fine too. Last night was the first time I'd spoken to the father.

I'm probably more accommodating of their nose because we moved from a really bad area so the fact that they are 'only' having parties and not loudly threatening to murder each other in the middle of the street until 6am or smashing down my door demanding entry to hide from the police was a blessing to us. And as a PP said I figured it meant I could have the odd gathering without any issues since I allow their parties to pass without complaint.

I think moving house is a bit excessive.

OP posts:
CoolJule43 · 19/02/2019 17:08

OP,
It's going to seem a bit 'tit for tat' if you suddenly complain about their noise now. The time to do it was when he banged on your door. No, I take that back, the time to do it was when they started making the noise.

He doesn't sound very tolerant.

No idea what to suggest but I wouldn't want to live by them.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/02/2019 17:11

They sound like horrible neighbours tbh. Do you ever talk to the woman? Is she more accommodating? And yes to complaining loudly bashing on the door at 10pm next time... every time.

FrancisCrawford · 19/02/2019 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrancisCrawford · 19/02/2019 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jaxhog · 19/02/2019 17:19

Get yourself some really good noise cancelling headphones and offer to lend them to him if he complains again!

Seriously though, you need to let them know that they are pretty noisy when you need to sleep too. Suggest that you agree some rules about noise e.g. certain days, times etc. and x days notice before parties. If you make it reciprocal, you may get further than you would with just complaining.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 19/02/2019 17:27

OP we once lived in a new build semi with our three noisy young children. A young couple lived next door.

“The sound insulation in our house is really good,” we told everyone, “We never hear the neighbours”.

Then they had a baby, who we could hear crying at night and the next day she came round in tears begging us to keep the noise down. They had been very quiet and because we hadn’t heard them we’d genuinely thought they couldn’t hear us.Blush

Possibly this is the case with your neighbours.

Frequency · 19/02/2019 17:31

That could be possible, Tinkly. Before us an elderly gentleman lived here on his own so I don't imagine he made much noise and we don't. We're not really a loud, shouty family. I can hear them shouting now. One child won't eat their dinner. The other is not supposed to have his ipad at the dinner table and is being disrespectful.

I talk to the mother. I think Jax's suggestion is the most reasonable. I'll try that next time I bump into her.

OP posts:
LannieDuck · 19/02/2019 18:02

Yes, I was going to suggest similar to Jax. Use this an an opportunity to open a dialogue about cut-off times for noise in the evening?

KarmaStar · 19/02/2019 19:22

Is ring the rspca for advice about him screaming at the dogs.are they well fed and exercised do you know?I appreciate you being out a lot(assuming you don't leave your dog(s)alone all these long hours you are away)I suppose you don't see them much .but he is abusing them and might be gifting them..
You anni in your views about their noise.I hope it all calms down soon op.🌻🌻