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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend committing benefit fraud

100 replies

namechange091 · 19/02/2019 12:32

Name changed.

A close friend is pregnant. She's living with her parents and her DP although claiming that he doesn't live there and pays minimum maintenance.

She's getting money for being a lone parent and he's also earning almost £2k a month and they have £50 a month rent to pay.

AIBU to be so angry about this?!
I keep getting temptations to dob her in but feel like it's immoral as a friend!

OP posts:
Chloemol · 19/02/2019 20:31

FOr all of you saying don’t report just remember she is stealing money from the government, or actually those of us who pay NI. Etc. What example will she be to her child? She needs to be reported

mrsmuddlepies · 28/02/2019 16:35

Some people assume it is their right to claim benefits whatever their situation. One of the Big Brother contestants claimed job seekers allowance whilst in the BB house.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-merseyside-47298472

mrsmuddlepies · 28/02/2019 16:37

Sorry, she claimed housing benefit. Luckily, no one had to report her, she was spotted on the show Grin

Spotsmum · 28/02/2019 21:55

All the envious people on here!

OP, it's NONE of your business. If you were a friend, you wouldn't be thinking so horribly about someone who trusts you.

She is taking the risk and it is her alone who will suffer if they catch her. Benefit fraud is such a tiny, tiny drop in the ocean compared to white-collar crime and corporation tax fraud. In fact, it's so small that it is DWARFED by the amount of benefits which go unclaimed every single year.

I can't believe people are advocating destroying a friend's life over a pittance.

Spotsmum · 28/02/2019 21:56

Oh, and all those complaining about how she's stealing from the ~poor - - no she bloody well isn't! Do you honestly think you would get that money back if all benefit fraud stopped? You do know that we pay the royal family an extra couple of million compared to last year, right?

Geez.

Alsohuman · 28/02/2019 22:01

Get worked up about the huge multi nationals not paying their tax. All this anger is completely misdirected.

Gronky · 28/02/2019 22:13

You do know that we pay the royal family an extra couple of million compared to last year, right

Benefit fraud adds up to billions.

Sooperdooper19 · 28/02/2019 22:29

Annoying though the Royal family as are ‘all the corporatevtax evaders’ they at least bringing money/jobs into the country ...Sammi-Mae-Jo is not and unlikely ever to. I work in a in housing department and it is so obvious that lots of of the posters on here have never been faced with people, who have and never will work. So the argument that their children will grow up to be the next generations cleaners/care workers (insert low paid role)..they won’t. They’ll end up exactly like their parents who don’t see anything as their responsibility and if they want to have 10 children in a 1 bed flat, then that is their perogative then they can bollock the council for not rehousing them. And whilst I agree Worra speaks sense, she obviously has a very comfortable life, has not worked for a long time because her partner can provide for her not to do so..and frankly it’s easy to be so magnanimous when in that position.

MiGi777 · 28/02/2019 23:08

Whether or not you report her is up to you but be up front about it. Like someone else said, don't sneak around behind her back whilst pretending to be her friend because that's awful. You're meant to be able to trust your friends with your deepest darkest secrets and that's the part I don't like about this. I'm not saying I agree with what she's doing because I don't, but I think she would be better off without a "friend" like you, sadly.

Gallagher4 · 28/02/2019 23:17

What benefits can she claim as a lone parent before she even has a child?

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 28/02/2019 23:19

Whenever people talk about long term benefits claimants and people never working, I am reminded of the line in the film 'Precious' where the teacher says "and what has being on welfare done for your mother?" Not a life I'd aspire to and those few who do are actually unemployable anyway if they have that mindset.

AdoreTheBeach · 01/03/2019 06:40

I can only think that the people saying it’s got nothing to do with the OP - or any other OP that have posted about their friend or relative committing benefit fraud - are all doing it too. Otherwise you’d be up in arms that ALL OF US paying taxes are paying for these benefit cheats. They’re stealing from all of us and they’re stealing from the people who rightfully should be getting benefits.

Why is there no shame for stealing? I’d have a hard time being friends with a thief.

Monty27 · 01/03/2019 06:46

You seriously are poking your nose in where it doesn't belong OP.
How do you know so much about their circumstances?
Go for it. Tell them how you feel. Show them this thread even.
Keep us posted won't you?

MsTSwift · 01/03/2019 06:49

I think it’s quite common. When I lived in London and went to a playgroup on the estate nearby most of the “single” mothers were doing this. I was Shock

Brilliantidiot · 01/03/2019 07:41

She will likely get caught anyway. And it'll probably end up in the local rag and on their FB page and shared about - name and shame - with comments like 'get a job'. We'll that's not going to happen locally after she's had her face splashed everywhere for benefit fraud.

I don't agree with it at all, however I think the pps saying that corporate tax dodging is worse for the country have a point.

Also the 'stealing from the tax payer and from those who need it' line isn't technically right, none of us will get a tax rebate, and no one legally on benefits is going to get more if benefit fraud stops magically tomorrow. That'll disappear into government funds.

I think we're being steered by the media in what we see to the point that when I open my Google search page I have stories underneath, and as everyone, suggested things on FB, at least one of them is always a benefit fraud story from my local area, I did read one of them as it was a very much ex of mine (karma?) I read a lot of stuff online, yet nothing has shown up there or on FB about the 15% cut to the fire service budget at all after I searched and read about that.

As I said she will get caught, Christ I had my first boyfriend in 12 years who hadn't moved in, maybe stayed a couple of nights in the initial relationship, and I got investigated. But if you want to speed the process along then report her.

sanPea · 01/03/2019 07:52

It is a big issue, I know of a lot of people who have done it. Seems to also be a big issue to be so ok with it on here and criticise anyone who questions the morality of it. Obviously any kind of fraud is ‘wrong’ and is drummed into us to report it but you have to look at what’s behind it

Bottom line is the system is set up I think to make benefits low and sometimes impossible to live on but benefit fraud too easy and obviously very tempting. Then of course for those who get caught the punishment can be harsh (I have a friend who went through hell) so it’s a very difficult area. Current benefits system is the problem but a convenient situation now exists where this sort of thing pits benefit claimants and feeling hard done by low-middle earners against each other

Ce7913 · 01/03/2019 08:17

OP, I think your friend is repellent, sorry.

People who commit benefits fraud make it harder for legitimately struggling people to get the assistance they need.

  • They drain more than their fair share of a finite, critical resource
  • They legitimise the 'bludger/willfully dependent' narrative that neo-cons etc. require to reduce and restrict assistance programs
  • They increase the number and difficulty of the absurd bureaucratic hoops that legitimately disadvantaged, needy and vulnerable people often have to jump through in order to recieve help

It would be one thing if she were legitimately struggling or, say, in debt due to inequitable circumstances, or her children had additional needs that wouldn't be met under her legal entitlement, but she is gleefully milking the system for 'fun money'.

She is almost certain to raise her children hobbled with the same self-inefficacy, compromised ethical framework and shameless, gloating entitlement that she is currently displaying.

...Leaving aside the illegality of OP's friend's actions for a moment, I find it bizarre that so many people are arguing for excusing such shameless, gleeful dishonesty and greed on the basis that 'people should be focussing on tax evasion committed by corporations and the wealthy, that's way worse'.

...As though people can't abhor and argue against both.

It's an entirely spurious argument - it's rather like those curious sorts who argue against charitable giving to international charities and welfare entities that work in impoverished nations on the basis that 'we have people here that are poor, why should I donate to (overseas charity) when I can donate right here? (but who never actually contribute anything whatsoever to improve either situation).

I'm always pretty suspicious of these sorts of arguments, because they seem to have, by and large, one of two motivations/outcomes:

  1. Self-absolution (and/or acquittal of those in whom we are invested)
  1. Nullification or suppression of social energy/outcry/efforts that might otherwise lead to social/cultural change.

Shaming and redirecting those who argue against or object to a legitimate wrong or injustice on ethical (or, indeed, personal) grounds more often than not prolongs the (inequitable) status quo.

The message that unjust or deceitful enrichment at the expense of the less fortunate is wrong has to be true across the board, for everyone, or it's not true at all.

Whether it's a corporation reaping all the benefits of capitalism and bearing virtually none of the responsibility/burden.

Wether it's a billionaire whose use of social goods versus contribution of social goods is wildly disparate.

Whether it's OP's delightful friend, who doesn't require a financial and services safety net meant for struggling, disadvantaged and vulnerable people but nevertheless gleefully decieves in order to avail herself of it, for fun money, because she's convinced herself she deserves 'extra', regardless of who it impacts.

Kneehigim · 01/03/2019 08:33

I'd report her. She is giving genuine single parents a bad name.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 01/03/2019 09:36

I'm a big old lefty and hate the injustices and inequalities in our society. Tax evaders and, actually, just the filthy rich generally give me the absolute rage. But I'm amazed at the amount of people on Mumsnet who are prepared to shrug or turn a blind eye to people who commit benefit fraud. I'd like to see people on some benefits (such as those on PIP or those who are family carers) getting a substantial increase in benefits so that they can have some treats in life. We need a smaller gap between the haves and the have nots but the way to achieve that is not to let some shameless individuals commit fraud.

Alsohuman · 01/03/2019 14:12

Looks like reporting her would be a complete waste of your time, OP.

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/benefit-fraud-public-tip-offs-legal-action-police-no-evidence-dwp-work-pensions-department-a8144096.html

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 01/03/2019 15:06

When I lived in London and went to a playgroup on the estate nearby most of the “single” mothers were doing this.

What a snob . Course, parents whom are together never commit fraud do they ? Hmm

MsTSwift · 01/03/2019 15:10

Dunno - if they did they didn’t discuss it at playgroup! Why is that snobby? Just recounting my lived experience.

FriendOrFaux · 01/03/2019 15:31

I used to work / live in Greater Manchester (deprived area) and claiming as a single parent whilst bf/dh was living there undeclared was very, very widespread.

Where I am now, the issue is less benefit fraud, more tax evasion from self employed people.

Both are wrong and are taking money from people who genuinely need it.

Both should be stopped.

macblank · 01/03/2019 15:36

Our DC has grown up, but we are now reliant on benefits due to both of us not being able to work due to disabilities.

Benefit fraud really gets my goat... Or to be blunt, really fucks me off.

People like us, are looked down on being in benefits, and people always presuming we must be loaded and working on the side... If I could work still, it wouldn't be in the side, I know I'd earn enough to keep both of us, and be glad to be free of watching every penny.

FriarTuck · 01/03/2019 15:48

Report it. It's people like her that get decent people who genuinely need benefits a bad name.

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