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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be offered cocaine?

28 replies

gigiriri · 18/02/2019 22:52

I was addicted to drugs for close to two years. Off them completely now and have been for a year. Have a four month old son and stopped drugs six days before conception but definitely would've been back on them if I hadn't got pregnant (unplanned).

I used to do a lot of drugs with my three best friends, one of which I've been best friends with since I was four. I went out socialising on Saturday and in the toilets one of my friends offered me cocaine, it was horrible. I said no but she kept insisting - I stood my ground and didn't have any. It threw me off and really triggered me, I went home straight away.

We spoke after and 2/3 of them believe me to be overreacting when they know how much I've struggled with it. We usually speak every day but we haven't because I want to distance myself, she's noticed this and again has said I've overreacted and that I am "boring" now that I have a baby. I've told her we can't be friends any more but now I feel bad. AIBU?

OP posts:
EwItsAHooman · 18/02/2019 22:54

YANBU.

They are not your friends, if they were then they'd respect your choice and recognise how hard it was for you to kick the habit. Friends don't try to drag you back in, that's what selfish bastards do and you don't need selfish bastards in your life.

I'd cut them out and concentrate on your new life with your baby.

Arewenearlythereyet1 · 18/02/2019 22:56

No you are not, they are and they are being hugely selfish and immature. It probably makes them feel bad about their own behaviour and is why they are trying to make you feel that you are unreasonable. There is actually nothing more boring than an arrogant cokehead, leave them to it.

StillRunningWithScissors · 18/02/2019 22:57

Nope. YANBU.
You've done a very hard thing kicking an addiction.
Anyone not supportive of that, needs to be out of your life.

Can I say, well done btw.

Calvinsmam · 18/02/2019 22:59

First of all well done for stopping drugs and turning them down, especially when out and in a party situation.

It’s really awful but I think you are doing the right thing distancing yourself from them. If they can’t respect your decision then they can’t be trusted not to try and tempt you.

She obviously feels she needs cocaine to have fun and that’s on her not you.
You are not boring.

If she ever gives it up I’m sure she’ll feel a right wally for the way she’s treated you.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 18/02/2019 22:59

Well done. I've been friends with coke addicts (I was a speed and ecstacy person back then) and I can't imagine how desperate you must feel sometimes.

You are so strong!

Just because you've known one/some since you were four, does not mean you need to fight to hold onto the friendship if this is how they treat you.

I would back off and think about meeting new people. I did last year and they're great and none of them take drugs and barely drink either.

LeadMeToTheChocolate · 18/02/2019 23:00

You should be so proud of yourself. Dump these idiots and find yourself some true friends. X

bluetheskyis · 18/02/2019 23:03

YANBU. They don’t get it. Well done for walking out.

MamaWeasel · 18/02/2019 23:08

Yanbu

Well done, you should be proud of your strength xxx

FlamingGalar · 18/02/2019 23:08

You are absolutely not overreacting. That’s ridiculous behaviour from your friend and you’ve done the right thing to cut her out of your life. You will find the cream will rise to the top and you’ll find out who your real friends are in time. The real friendships where they care about your recovery and support you in moving forward with your life.

My husband is a recovering cocaine addict and our social group has changed dramatically since he stopped using. Even the friends that we no longer see wouldn’t dream of offering him coke as they understand he is much better off without the drugs and respect his choices even if they are still struggling themselves. He just can’t be around people using. He finds it boring as much as anything else.
Life is very different but we have surrounded ourselves with supportive people who enjoy his company even more now that he isn’t using and you’ll find the same in time.

You’re not boring, just on a different level to them and that’s absolutely a good thing.

Keep being the brilliant mum that you are and keep these people at arms length. It’s a really difficult part of the journey to realise that not everyone you thought would be there for you has your back. It will do you a favour in the long term though.

Keep with it and know you’re making the right choices for you and you’re baby.

viques · 18/02/2019 23:26

You've done so well and should be so proud of your achievement. It must have been very hard to realise that people you thought cared for you and understood you were willing to encourage you to lose everything you have worked for. Take heart that you have the strength and maturity to walk away from that situation, you have moved on with your life and can see your future with your child, sadly they have not got goals and are stuck in their past.

Valanice1989 · 18/02/2019 23:28

I can't believe anyone would pressure the mother of a four-month-old to take cocaine! They're not your friends, OP.

Thequaffle · 18/02/2019 23:30

Time for new friends OP.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 18/02/2019 23:32

They aren’t where you are at in life. Proud of you Op for saying no. Plenty can’t and then you are back down the slippery slope.

You have a way better commitment in life than drugs. You never get the years back with your son and he’ll be so grateful you said no even if he can’t tell you that yet.

Rockmysocks · 19/02/2019 05:35

If you was my child I would be proud of you for kicking the addiction, for putting your baby/child first and staying strong. You don't need shitty people trying to drag you back into addiction.

BoomBoomsCousin · 19/02/2019 06:13

Flowers Congratulations! Flowers And well done for standing your ground and recognising that this isn't a friendship you can keep anymore.

YANBU, you are not overreacting. I would say don't feel bad, but I know that's not so easy. Still, you have nothing to feel bad about. You're doing what you need to to move on to another phase of your life, one which will be better for you and better for your son. These old friends of your are not prepared to let you be who you need to be now, it's a shame they can't do it, but you can't change them. You have to let them go and look forward.

Springwalk · 19/02/2019 06:15

You need new friends op

These people are going to drag you back down and you could lose your son. You have seen the light, and have done so well to kick the drugs and then fight the pressure again.

Find new friends that don’t take drugs and steer clear of them. They are bad news and could cost you everything.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 19/02/2019 06:22

When I read your thread title, my first thought was "well just bloody say no!" Then I read your post...

You are in RECOVERY. Your friends need to respect that. If they can't then they need to go. I work in drug services and the majority of people have to get a new circle of friends. It's sad, particularly when you've known someone so long. They're used to "party girl" gigi.

You need to have a(nother?) serious conversation with them. If they insist on offering you drugs knowing you are in recovery, then you know what you need to do.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 19/02/2019 06:22

Oh and WELL DONE. You are doing amazingly.

PersonaNonGarter · 19/02/2019 06:24

YANBU. You are being a great mum.

PeterPiperPickedWrong · 19/02/2019 06:47

You do not need friends like that.
Well done for standing your ground and leaving. YANBU and have no reason to feel bad. Block them.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 19/02/2019 06:49

They are trying to lure you back into their circle of addiction. It's the old "misery loves company" adage in action.

They will not stop pestering you to "just one time for old times sake" or whatever, because you managing to come of the stuff makes them feel bad - they can only regain their self-worth by making you the sanme as them again.

I can't begin to imagine how difficult giving up must have been for you - I can't even go a day without sugar - but you have achieved so much, for your sake and your child's, end social contact with this circle of friends, and form new relationships.

And very well done - you are a strong, determined person and don't need their approval.

pinkdelight · 19/02/2019 06:57

They are just doing what they've always done. Nothing has changed for them and seeing you change will be scary. They are unlikely to embrace and support it from where they're at. You need to not go socialising with them in the situations where they do coke. It's tough I know but there's no engaging with them on this until they have their own epiphanies. Embrace being a 'boring cow', enjoy your baby and forge friendships with people who can see beyond their next line.

Flibbertyjib · 19/02/2019 06:58

Get rid of them! I say that as someone who had a similar issue and had to ditch a large group of friends and one of my passions for the sake of my sanity! It was hard and sometimes I think back and really miss them but I couldn't risk getting sucked back into that lifestyle.
I blocked everyone on Facebook and sent an email detailing why. It took me a while to make some new friends but I found it was easier to make friends when you have a baby as you can go to baby groups and have things in common with people already!

Mummadeeze · 19/02/2019 07:12

Well done for standing up for yourself and for not giving in in that situation. It must have been tough. I had a friend who went to prison for dealing and he actually did really well in there. He was off the drugs, got fit, took courses and came out with a motivation to change. On the day he was released we threw a daytime bbq party to welcome him home, and I overheard some of his ‘friends’ putting pressure on him to contact some people and score some drugs for them all. It was so sad. I really couldn’t believe I was friends with all these selfish people so I cut ties with the crowd. I tried to stay friends with him but unfortunately he went back to his old ways too. There are a couple of people in the group who I do still see who do still go clubbing and do drugs but I will orgasnise a lunch or cinema outing with them but never a proper party situation so in time you may be able to try meeting up with those girls in the right kind of setting if they want to keep in touch. I also gave up recreational drugs when my daughter was born and haven’t looked back (10 and a half years). If I was you, I would also try to make some new more likeminded friends if you can. It is a shame, but it is the only way forward if they are going to be narrow minded and selfish about the drug taking. Stay strong for your daughter and be really proud of yourself.

NopeNi · 19/02/2019 07:17

They're addicts, not friends. Get rid of them.

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