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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to move out of fear of ending up with horrible neighbours?

43 replies

WeCouldBeHerons · 18/02/2019 21:14

My DH thinks IABU but I'm really worried about finding myself with nightmare neighbours if we move.(the many, many neighbours threads on here don't exactly fill me with confidence.)
Where we are now we have lovely neighbours, but of course I know this could change.

What are some red or green flags in terms of neighbours to look for when viewing a house? Any alarm bells you should've listened to?

We will be looking for detached houses in an urban/suburban area and definitely discount any properties with shared drives pr other obvious parking issues.

OP posts:
Wellit · 18/02/2019 21:26

I'd always chose a bungalow maybe in a culdesac/non main route road or whatever. You'd be likely to be surrounded by older neighbours. This has been my best bet by far.

I once bought a house, at the time I was a receptionist working 24 hour shift cover so say outside said house at all times of the day/night for two months before buying. Unfortunately it was winter so the nightmare neighbours were indoors, for those two months they were in the house most of the time, but rowdy the odd time but nothing too bad. Moved in and it was hell on earth. So even sitting there like that doesn't help at all times.

I definitely think it's wise to be cautious, I certainly was after that hellish house!

VanillaSauce · 18/02/2019 21:40

If all you've got to base it on is the threads on here you're not going to get a proportional balance of those who love their neighbours and those who have troublesome neighbours.

DailyBaileys · 19/02/2019 07:34

This is a fear of mine as well!

@Wellit

That sounds horrid.
Good point about the winter.
Even in summer, the nighmare ones could be on holiday!

BlackCatSleeping · 19/02/2019 07:40

Me, too!

The last place we lived was awful. I ended up moving away after a year. The neighbors were very clichey and constantly in our business.

That and the hassle of packing.

AlwaysSomethingThere · 19/02/2019 07:45

Trying to buy this year too and it's one of my biggest fears. As soon as I view a house I listen out for neighbours, I literally pin my ears to the wall. Also check out the state of the garden, how clean their nets are, I think a hanging basket is a good sign lol. If their overgrown garden has a swing and trampoline in it fucking forget it!

Not everyone has the balls to do this but when I viewed a house last month I knocked the neighbours door afterwards, apologised for bothering them and asked if they could tell me what the street was like. Meanwhile I'm checking out what THEY are like...

Gina2012 · 19/02/2019 07:47

But surely wherever you live your nice neighbours could move out at any time and nasty neighbours move in?

Original poster
WeCouldBeHerons · 19/02/2019 07:51

@Wellit oh no that sounds awful.

Has anyone had success by talking to the neighbours at the offer stage? Or would that be strange if a potential buyer knocked on your door?
This would hopefully be our forever home and I detest moving, nevermind the 10k in stamp duty we'd have to pay, so I'm really very weary.

OP posts:
longwayoff · 19/02/2019 08:00

I've lived in a dozen different homes over the years and never had any neighbour problems. People post here about nightmare neighbours but that is a small minority. Most people just want a quiet life like you do.

Mmmhmmokdear · 19/02/2019 08:03

I've never had neighbour problems either. All mine have been lovely. Even the village busybody one! I think you're overthinking it.

bullyingadvice2017 · 19/02/2019 08:06

Iv moves to a st full of old people. One side is a sbusive old guy who screams abuse at his family and carers etc daily. Tho this dose stop me feeling bad that dog barks for a couple of mins when I leave her.

sheldonstwin · 19/02/2019 08:08

Op YANBU. Bad neighbours violate one's peace and sanctuary.

svenwhen · 19/02/2019 08:23

I wouldn't mind if a potential buyer knocked on our door asking about the neighborhood.
When we bought we drove around the neighborhood during different times of the day.

OftenHangry · 19/02/2019 08:24

We have the best neigbours we can so I wish you the same luck! 🤞

Look at front of the houses. If there is a furniture (not like waiting to be picked up. I mean a permanent feature), rubbish, unkept jungle in front of any house on a street, it's a no for me.
Do drive by at various times including Friday or sat night about 10-11. We looked like creeps, but really didn't want to move next to a party house. And it paid off. Did ours on Halloween and the weekend before it. It was so quiet! Loved it. Also if you can see during viewing, look at their gardens. Is there a sofa? It's a no. Is it total jungle? No.

Don't check only immediate neigbours. Check few houses each way and the opposite ones as much as you can. Also if there is a dispute or a CBO or CNP (formerly ASBO) you must be told.

Don't be afraid to go and speak with neigbours at the offer stage. Neigbours are as important as the house itself.

bigbluebus · 19/02/2019 08:28

You can't choose your neighbours - unless you buy the properties either side and become a landlord! We've been in the same house for 26 years. When we moved in there was a field on one side and the foundations of a house on the other. House was built and sold 6 mtgs later- lovely neighbours. They then separated - house was sold. New good neighbours. Then they decided to move abroad and let the house out. This resulted in a number of different occupants - some for 12 months and some for years. They were all good/non problematic neighbours. Landlord now sold and new family moving in (but house needs work doing first). We've met the family though and so far seem very nice and considerate.

Field has also been built on. Builders couldn't sell and let houses out initially. Next door now sold after 2 different tenants. New neighbours lovely and none of tenants caused any problems - hardly saw them.

My point being 1) the neighbours can change multiple times and there's nothing you can do and 2) no one ever comes on MN to say what delightful neighbours they have! We live in a very average village.

Sicario · 19/02/2019 08:30

The vendors are duty bound to disclose if they have had any problems or disputes with the neighbours.

My tips are to visit the (all) local pub or shop and mention that you are thinking about buying in the area. They are usually a hotbed of gossip and info. Also check out any local FB groups.

gamerwidow · 19/02/2019 08:37

Pretty much all neighbour problems apart from excessive noise can be ignored though it’s not the end of the world. You can check out noise by visiting the area at different times and different days of the week. You’ll soon find out if there are any incessantly barking dogs or people with their music blaring out.
My last next door neighbour was awful constantly knocking on our door moaning about imaging slights but refusing to maintain her property she was quiet though so I just ignored her visits and fixed the bits that affected us. She was a pain in the arse but at least she united the family in having someone to laugh at and bitch about.

gamerwidow · 19/02/2019 08:38

The vendors are duty bound to disclose if they have had any problems or disputes with the neighbours
Only if they’re official disputes you don’t have to disclose if next door is a moany old cow for example.

AlwaysSomethingThere · 19/02/2019 08:39

Also you don't always have to see a shitty looking garden or people having parties to assume a shit neighbour. I know of a guy who has sold up and moved out due to the family next door. They are decent and hard working but they have four children and the volume they live at is full blast. They're not being antisocial just living their lives as you would expect with 6 people in one house it's hectic. You don't have to be a scumbag to be a noisy neighbour.

gamerwidow · 19/02/2019 08:43

In contrast we moved a month ago into a house which has 4 kids living in a 4 bedroom house AND they have a trampoline in the garden. The children are a delight and are extremely polite and well behaved. Yes they play in the garden but they are very respectful about noise and I haven’t heard them once from my house. It depends what stage of your life you are at though. I have an 8 year old only child so finding so many similar aged kids next door has been like Christmas.

gamerwidow · 19/02/2019 08:43

Similarly if you have a dog you won’t be bothering that much about barking etc.

Candidsugar · 19/02/2019 08:46

Don’t blame you OP. One of my neighbours is an absolute wanker and I wish him dead. The other is a perfectly nice elderly couple, just seem a bit nosey but guess that’s because they have little to do. And I’m the type to be neighbourly but not get Too close. A couple of my friends practically live at their neighbours, lucky if you can get that.

gamerwidow · 19/02/2019 08:46

P.s. that should be 4 kids in 2 bedrooms so on paper should be a nightmare but really isn’t.
I’m going round for coffee and cake later Grin

Easilyflattered · 19/02/2019 09:06

The day we moved in...my husband went ahead with the removal van, I stayed to collect kids from school, gave them tea at a cafe, and by the time I'd caught up with him a couple of hours later all the neighbours had already been round to say hello. They've been here donkeys years and wanted to see who was moving in! works both ways!

They've turned out to be quite a decent bunch, and I'm massively relieved because we left behind nice neighbours. I viewed one house where a neighbour had a go about where I'd parked, despite the agent telling me that bit of drive belonged with the house, so that was quite a warning the neighbours would be a PITA!

theemmadilemma · 19/02/2019 09:41

My neighbor knocked here before they purchased to ask about the location (check me out).

She's lovely, so are all my neighbors fortunately.

UnleashTheBulsara · 19/02/2019 14:28

I've moved several times and the neighbours have always been between OK and great. But as PPs have pointed out, you have no control over who stays put and who moves anyway, so it really isn't worth your while fretting about it or allowing it to dictate what you do. By all means ask vendors how the neighbours are, and look for sudden shifty expressions...

Most people just want to live peacefully, there are far fewer drama queens out there than MN makes you think.