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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were poorly...

66 replies

Noneofmybeeswax · 18/02/2019 15:52

If your MIL had come to stay for a few days and you ended up poorly would she do any work to help with the family/chores?
Would she step up/muck in or would you expect DH to do all the work for both of you?

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/02/2019 17:01

But some women would say that their MIL mucking in would be obtrusive and over stepping boundaries.

In this scenario I would ask my DIL what she needed doing rather than just taking on my own back. I know from past experiences she would take me up on my offer.

What’s going on OP?

Talkingfrog · 18/02/2019 17:04

Mine does it without me being poorly. She will do the dishes etc for us, pics up bits of shopping when she is at the supermarket. It works both ways. I order online and collect in store for her, we take her on days out etc. We chat in person/on the phone every day.

lyralalala · 18/02/2019 17:06

Mine pitches in as she lives with us now, but even before that she'd pitch in. She's lovely though.

DaphneFanshaw · 18/02/2019 17:13

Ha, it’s more likely that she wouldnt actually bother visiting us.
Tbh if I was really ill and she happened to be visiting,she would probably take the kids out and cook a meal, she would be more than happy to do that, and to be fair she wouldn’t make a big deal out of it either.
Unfortunately she shows absolutely no interest in our lives, so the chances of it actually happening are zero. She is the last person I would call if I needed help, I don’t think my DP has spoken to her other than a very brief text for well over a year.
It’s a hard one though, as a whole I think the attitude towards mils on here can be pretty depressing.
I have 2 ds and some of the threads on here really worry me, I wouldn’t be surprised if some people wouldn’t want to get too involved incase they did something wrong.

ClaryFray · 18/02/2019 17:13

Mine would

Emeraldshamrock · 18/02/2019 17:15

Mine would. Fir me when I am a MIL it will depend on the relationship I have with future DIL. I would ask first. Why do you ask?

WhatNow40 · 18/02/2019 18:34

Yes, without doubt and without asking. She's also very good at not overstepping. There are great MIL's out there, just not often spoken about on MN. Grin

BrizzleMint · 18/02/2019 18:42

No, but then she wouldn't have been in my house in the first place.

SubparOwl · 18/02/2019 18:46

Nope. I have evidence of this from when I had hyperemesis.

ThreeAnkleBiters · 18/02/2019 18:46

Mil would probably help a lot. Although she probably wouldn't be able to resist telling me about a time she was much more ill than me but still managed to look after the kids, tidy the house and host a dinner party.

sequinafortune · 18/02/2019 18:50

Yep. Without a second thought. I know this as DH is recovering from surgery and I had to go away with work. All the ironing is done, I came home to a clean house, and there's food in the freezer Grin
My mil is awesome though!

Usingmyindoorvoice · 18/02/2019 18:55

Yes, in fact when she visited when my DC were newborns, I christened her the dishwasher fairy! But She is a terrible cook, so when I was hospitalised expecting my youngest, my eldest ( 9 at the time) taught herself to cook and Granny just cleared up after her 😁

Elfinablender · 18/02/2019 18:57

She'd make a tremendous performance about helping and then recount it to DH in excruciating detail.

Bumblebeewine · 18/02/2019 18:58

I imagine she'd help with DD, she wouldn't do washing or anything.

stellavisionandunderstanding · 18/02/2019 19:04

I had a really bad case of shingles and my in laws were staying. I was so I'll, I just stayed in bed. Medication was debilitating. Husband and I had a blazing row as he wasn't looking after me and was expecting his mum to help look after me. In the end, she cooked me some meal. My husband got upset with me and shouted and her and she was all teary. I was like: can't you see I need help. I keep her at arms distance. She is very self absorbed.

stellavisionandunderstanding · 18/02/2019 19:05

She'd probably help with the kids though.

Hearthside · 18/02/2019 19:05

My MIL is would most definately , she is brilliant .One of out DC's was in hospital poorly recently and she didn't hesitate to ring up find if i me and DC needed anything and she brought it straight in .Few years ago i had to have major surgery and she was amazing. We have this agreement i am way to soft on the DC's and we don't always agree but it is in a good natured way and she will .Truly do feel very lucky to have her when i read some truly awful stories on her .

MamaDane · 18/02/2019 19:06

My MIL visited just a week ago and I'm very ill, as in pregnancy ill, and she's helped out with the dishes. Even though I personally hate it, as I prefer having a nice looking home when people visit Blush it was very nice of her.

PurpleDaisies · 18/02/2019 19:09

She would probably get a take away or easy cook food and go home. That’s what I’d want her to do.

SlinkyDinkyDoo · 18/02/2019 19:10

She would probably do it if I wasn't poorly, always telling me to put my feet up when she comes 😊

Hearthside · 18/02/2019 19:12

she will always help out Awful proof reading there Blush.

SherlockSays · 18/02/2019 19:17

Mine would send me to bed and take over all childcare and household duties completely. She's wonderful.

MrsBobDylan · 18/02/2019 19:19

My mil helps even if I'm well - she is brilliant and lovely. My own mother would moan about how busy she is, fall out with me without a word leaving my mouth and then storm off.

JasperKarat · 18/02/2019 20:38

It's really nice to see a thread on here with so much MIL love for a change!

Original poster
Noneofmybeeswax · 19/02/2019 16:40

Sorry that I posted and ran, life was... busy...
Actually you've made me grateful for all she did do. I was confined to bed for most of the weekend and she did make me a couple of brews, emptied the dishwasher and sat with the kids while DH went out.
I was quite cross before that I'd managed to drag myself downstairs to put a Sunday roast on for them all (DH served) and at 8pm she was waiting for one of us to make her a sandwich and stating she was very hungry.
DH is a star and will always make sure everyone is sorted but I know my mum would have taken charge of food, laundry, washing up, children's entertainment, whatever was needed if she'd been round so I was selfishly hoping MIL would do similar.

OP posts: