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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Could a 33 year old man really fancy me?

74 replies

Boomboom7 · 18/02/2019 14:11

Or is it a figment of my imagination? I am 44 years of age , years older than him! We are good friends but there seems to be a spark lately so I’m wondering if I’m deluded ? Big age gap for attraction is it not? I’m really not much to look at . Just average

OP posts:

TatianaLarina · 18/02/2019 15:49

Just beware he’s not into you because older women with kids don’t expect commitment...

Mintychoc1 · 18/02/2019 15:53

I’m the same as lovemusic. I’m not confident enough to be in a relationship with someone 10 years younger, I’d feel constantly old and wrinkley!

GraceMarks · 18/02/2019 16:06

OP, the way you talk about yourself suggests a lack of confidence in what you have to offer. Whether he is interested or not, you don't want to go into any relationship feeling grateful for the other person's attentions. That can never end well.

Ribbonsonabox · 18/02/2019 16:10

Yes certainly!!

I'd feel odd about it but that's my hang up!! I think you should enjoy it if you like him back!

I just have a 'oooh young man, ooh young man' cathy burke soundtrack going through my head whenever I find a younger man attractive lol

katseyes7 · 18/02/2019 16:19

Of course! When l was 43 and newly divorced, l went out with a 21 year old! We were together for two and a half years, and very happy!

AlexaAmbidextra · 18/02/2019 16:21

I had a great deal of fun with a 37 year old when I was 52. He had no problems with enthusiasm.😜

stevie69 · 18/02/2019 17:02

Well, I'm 52 and my latest date is 32. So... yeah; why ever not?

stevie69 · 18/02/2019 17:03

Aaagh, I'm only 51 actually. That probably makes it ever so much more acceptable

CallipygianFancier · 18/02/2019 17:16

Yes, I'd go out with an older woman.

The kids thing is a valid point though - if you want different things from life, it may not turn out so great longer term.

filka · 18/02/2019 17:27

@paquitavariation All was fine until he was approaching 40 and decided he wanted children

This is exactly what happened to me...I was with a lady 17 years older than me for 16 years, most of them happy as we had a DINKY lifestyle. But in early 40s I had that burning urge for children. But she knew that was going to happen eventually, so devastating though it was (for her) we've stayed friends.

If you are thinking for long term, then you really need to make sure that your life objectives are aligned - given your age that more or less means that he can live out his life without his own children. Sure, pregnancy is possible but high risk and more so with every passing year.

If it's for a fling and you are free to have that without hurting anyone else, then I don't see harm in going for it.

Original poster

Boomboom7 · 18/02/2019 19:48

Oh I dunno! I could be making a deal out of nothing ! It’s jusy that he messages me every single evening when he is free and we exchange messages ... fun and chatty but sometimes serious . He is demonstrative and likes to hug as a rule but the other day I was chatting to him and I was a bit visibly upset and he came over to me, Gave me a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek. Now I know that may sound innocent but he’s never done that before , ever. It was gentle and kind as he knew I was sad but later, he messaged to say how sad he was to see me so upset. Hard to explain except that it’s a different level! I’m stuck between thinking that he respects me/ admires and values me or that he may just fancy me . Then again, someone once said.. you’d know of someone fancies you. I just can’t quite believe it iykwim, that is all . I really am quite ordinary ! He is complimentary though so I’ll watch with interest and lap it up !!!

OP posts:

Vulpine · 18/02/2019 19:51

A 33 year old female going out with a 50 year old male is hardly the same

Anon10 · 18/02/2019 20:17

My DH was 25 when we met and I was in my thirties... we absolutely fell in love and I decided to go for it. He never had any doubts, but I was dubious and suspicious of his motives!
We are married, still together, happy and very solid almost 10 years later! We did have children but we discussed it and decided to try whilst I was still young enough. So he is quite young for a dad in my circle of friends who have all had their babies late thirties / early forties.

Anon10 · 18/02/2019 20:17

Vulpine I don’t quite understand your comment... please explain?

apintofharpandapacketofdates · 18/02/2019 20:20

Boom I think his actions are beyond 'friend' especially with such frequent messaging.

However I am clueless so ........

Either way he sounds like a good guy. You're 'ordinary' '.....95% of the population are! You must be giving off vibes he's attuned to...your spirit, your attitude and your mind.

Keep us posted!!

Fairylea · 18/02/2019 20:20

My dh is almost ten years younger than me. When we first met he was living on his mums sofa having just come out of university and I was a divorced single mum!

We’ve been together for nearly ten years now and have a 6 year old son together (and my eldest child is now 16). We are so happy. Stuff what anyone else thinks!

Vulpine · 18/02/2019 20:27

Anon - sorry that was in response to the 2nd post who said she was chasing a 50 year old man. I just thought thst wasn't really comparable was all!

mammoon · 18/02/2019 20:39

Why not ask him how he feels? It sounds like you're really close but he hasn't given you a clear signal that he fancies you. So... ask! Maybe next time he gets close, ask if he's flirting with you. Or give him a hint, ask him how his love life is, if he's interested in anyone... Give him a shove in the right direction and see what he does next. In my experience, men who are interested will let you know they're interested. (And anyone who keeps you hanging on, wondering and trying to interpret/analyse their words and gestures, is not worth bothering with.)

Dieu · 18/02/2019 20:43

Absolutely! I am also 44, and often get attention from much younger men on the dating site I'm on. So much so that I've had to write on my profile that I don't want anyone half my age

Original poster

Boomboom7 · 18/02/2019 20:49

I thought that he was seeing someone but he doesn’t mention her at all if he is s. I don’t know for sure . I know a couple of months ago, he mentioned something in passing but all very light and casual and relaxed . Haven’t heard a dicky bird since but know that he has quite the social life!if he liked me that way im sure he would make it clear and he hasn’t. Just very affectionate more than the norm

OP posts:

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 18/02/2019 22:06

He sounds sweet
And he probably would shag you

funnylittlefloozie · 18/02/2019 22:14

He sounds lovely. Go for a drink with him and see how things pan out.

FWIW, I am 46, short and round, but not hideous, and good at making people laugh.... a 28 year old lad at work asked me out back in the summer!!! He was adorable, so i had to turn him down gently. Nice lad, though.

Original poster

Boomboom7 · 18/02/2019 22:18

Oh that sounds very encouraging thanks! He says I’m one of the funniest people he knows. I’m not.. I just lack filter and shoot straight ..😅 he makes me laugh very much also . I noticed lately that when we are in company he directs conversation my way all the time and listens to what I say and he remembers every bloody thing I say. This is how things have changed .

OP posts:

Pinotjo · 18/02/2019 22:31

My DP is 17 yrs younger, been together 10 yrs, he's a gym bunny I'm not

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