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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think there are also Beaver lodgers as well as cock lodgers?

59 replies

Arnoldthecat · 18/02/2019 10:49

When i first started reading MN, it took me a while to get used to terminology,parlance and the general feel of the forum. Cocklodger was something which took me a while to understand and ive just seen the term used again in a recent thread i.e .."is he a cock lodger?". It got me thinking,surely there must also be beaver lodgers but his being a predominantly female forum,we perhaps dont hear too much of them? Maybe some residents are beaver lodgers and know it or perhaps dont immediately recognise themselves as such? Are you a beaver lodger?

OP posts:

Mumshappy · 18/02/2019 11:48

I know two

Littlemissdaredevil · 18/02/2019 11:51

I’m sure there are female cocklodgers. However, there are many women who do 100% of the housework, 100% childcare and 100% of the mental load which is not cocklodging.

Parthenope · 18/02/2019 11:54

And I don't think I have ever met even one working mother who regarded her entire duty to the household as being fulfilled by working FT and thereby being the provider.

Sheelala · 18/02/2019 11:55

Woman in general care far more about the financial status of their partners than men do.

PalmTree101 · 18/02/2019 11:56

They are called gold diggers rather than cock lodgers yeah?

picklemepopcorn · 18/02/2019 11:56

I know of one, and may be at risk of being one myself. I have a PT job, DH earns well. He does most of the housework where his standards are higher than mine. I do cooking, bathroom kitchen cleaning, ovens etc. Some jobs he gets there first and does badly, which annoys me.

I'm a burnt out teacher and foster carer. Not much get up and go left, sadly.

FindPrimeLorca · 18/02/2019 12:00

Of course there are heterosexual relationships where the only thing the woman brings to the table is, crudely, sex (and, more broadly, affection and companionship).

(Although it’s rare for them to do absolutely no housework unless the man is very well off indeed).

The difference is that because it’s a long established traditional set-up the calculation is normally more up front, with the man actively deciding that this is a worthwhile quid pro quo. “Cock lodger” is a phrase used on MN to make it visible that the partners’ only apparently contribution is sexual, to enable the OP to assess her options with clarity.

blackteasplease · 18/02/2019 12:07

Exactly what find said above.

Male and female partners in a relationship have very different positions in a relationship.

There's no absolutely equivalency in a man's actions and a woman's, because they always come from their initial positions of greater (male) or.lesser (female) power.

You can't be equalist about it.

marble11 · 18/02/2019 12:12

I know several they conregate at the school gates daily.

Boom76 · 18/02/2019 12:15

I know 3

clairemcnam · 18/02/2019 12:25

If they congregate at the schools daily they are looking after their kids. Not at home lounging around let their male partner do everything.

Fairenuff · 18/02/2019 12:29

I think on the last thread on this subject we settled on Beaver Barnacle did we not?

Aridane · 18/02/2019 13:15

Sounds like an STD!

YorkieGirl18 · 18/02/2019 14:26

I think I know one. From what I understand, her partner works full time, she doesn't have a job. She lives in a house his parents bought him but often kicks him out for some indiscretion (like going for a drink with a friend after work instead of coming straight home; The horror!!!) She has kids from a former relationship and got pregnant after he tried to stand up to her and say her behaviour was unacceptable and she needed to contribute more or it was over. I think things improved until she got pregnant to be fair.

He does most of the cooking and pays for a cleaner for the house because it's his house and he wont put her on the mortgage so why should she clean it.

But in her defence, she has an amazing figure and is quite pretty and he is from a very rich background but not that attractive, bless him. - Please note the sarcasm in my defence of her.

Also I appreciate I don't know all the ins and outs as I am friends with his sister who is rightfully biased but I have heard her laughing about how she has landed on her feet and is treated like royalty and barely has to lift a finger. I find it sickening!

Would this count as a Beaver Lodger?

Footloose80 · 18/02/2019 14:28

I hang round at the school gate occasionally so,I guess I must be one. I work limited hours but look after the home, the kids.
How much do you know about their lives to make that assumption marble

blackteasplease · 18/02/2019 14:36

A cock lodge refers to someone who is bringing nothing to the relationship except for sex.

So anyone who's doing the majority of housework or child care would never be a cocklodger or any kind of equivalent.

It's someone who's a total and utter sponge, not just a person who brings nothing in financially or who married a person earning more than them and now expects a share.

It's usually someone who, to add insult to injury, then tries to throw their weight around as well as being a lazy fuck.

tankie76 · 18/02/2019 16:39

There are far more beaver lodgers than cocklodgers in my experience.

Any woman with teenage children who refuses to work is definitely in this category.

BirdieInTheHand · 18/02/2019 17:05

Interesting that so many posters have commented on knowing a female equivalent and then referenced their having DC.

If you have DC and are with their father it is virtually impossible to be a female version of the cock lodger.

The following are (in my view) necessary for cock lodging to be established.

Lives in a home owned by/paid for entirely by partner
Doesn't work or if they do provides no financial support to the family
Doesn't do any domestic chores. Ever.
Doesn't do any childcare. Ever.
Comes and goes entirely as they please.

BirdieInTheHand · 18/02/2019 17:06

tankie bullshit

Anyone who "refuses" to work is a something but not necessarily a "beaver lodger".

clairemcnam · 18/02/2019 17:08

Refuses to work? These women have kids. If I was with a man who refused to do any childcare or housework, I would refuse to do a paid job as well.

GregoryPeckingDuck · 18/02/2019 17:09

Well I’ve never met either tbh. It seems to be much more of a male trait though to do nothing.

GregoryPeckingDuck · 18/02/2019 17:10

@tankie76 but most of them do housework of some kind

femidom12 · 18/02/2019 17:12

I know 6 cuntlodgers and 12 cocklodgers, do I get a prize?

Jaxtellerswife · 18/02/2019 17:13

Of course there are, women don't fart rainbows and fairy dust I know a few but there's always going to be givers and takers. Of both sexes

bluetheskyis · 18/02/2019 17:23

Thinking of the women I know I genuinely can’t think of one fitting this - mostly they’re working, while doing the lion share of the kids stuff and running a house ... I do know one woman who doesn’t work, has a nanny and a house keeper, but she’s independent wealthy and paying for it all so probably doesn’t count. Hubbie has a ‘hobby’ type job ( thinking ‘running’ a posh shop while not being there much) but it’s her money bankrollingnit so...

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