My (ex) boyfriend says he can't have a relationship because I have children

[Rosewilliam]

Me and my partner have been together a year next week. We were going along very nicely (amazing relationship) he took on my children, played with them, helped them with homework, took them out for dinner, even did the Father Christmas thing!
His dad passed away all of a sudden in October . He has been dealing with grief! In December he said he needed space and we separated. But he keeps coming back, asking about the children. As I said he even filled their sacks are the mince pie and pretended to be Father Christmas! We have been seeing each other for a few months now when the children are at dads.
But now he says he has feelings for me but can't act in them because of the children. It can never go anywhere so he doesn't want to see me anymore!
I don't know what to do! Is it the grief talking still should I stick around and support him or is he an absolute sod and I should walk away now!
Sorry it's long!

He is stringing you along OP, which is unkind.

Tell him to do one.

Lots of judgemental comments here. Everyone's situation is different. I don't agree with introducing any old Tom dick or Harry to your kids within days or weeks of meeting them but the whole 'a year is much to soon to be introducing any man' is just silly.

Introductions should be thoughtful and appropriate to your situation. And only if you genuinely can see a long term future. My partner and I have been together 2 years and he gradually met my son in neutral settings within the first 6 months. We've had 'family' holidays and all live together now. Doesn't mean he's playing dad - my son has a dad who is involved. But doesn't mean he can't enjoy a family environment with me and my partner too.

In the ops situation I would end the relationship as any doubts about commitment to the kids would be a deal breaker for me. But I don't think she did wrong by introducing them if the guy was so enthusiastic to begin with.

I think he likes you and he likes your kids. However when faced with the reality of possibly becoming a step parent, he has remembered that he never wanted children and changed his mind. You say you don’t want him to be a stepdad but, if things become serious, then that is what he will naturally become! Clearly he has realised that, after a year, you both need to think about where this is heading. He doesn’t want the responsibility. He clearly likes your kids but that doesn’t mean he wants to be the family man.

Personally I would tell him that he needs to clear off then, in the nicest way. He cannot stay confused and true love doesn’t stay confused for this long. Cut your losses.

I knew you were going to say you are still having sex with him. Please stop. Please walk away - this is no good for your self esteem and no good for your children. He didn't 'take on your children' he was nice to them because of you, he may even dexribe them as great kids but he has said his he feels he doesn't want to be a family. Walk away now, or you can carry on sleeping with him at his convenience and then one day he stop calling or say 'I met someone' and when you get upset he will say but I told you I didn't want a relationship.

Count your blessings you know it now.
He is told you he doesn’t care about your children, he doesn’t want to spend time with other your children. How would you feel if he said that to their faces?? .... I think you know the answer. Bye, been nice knowing you.

He’s not doing anything wrong. He doesn’t want to be involved with someone with children and that’s his choice. I honestly don’t blame him and I wouldn’t be offended if a man I was dating decided they didn’t want to take our relationship further because of my children.

It took me 10 years to make that decision myself. 1year is much better than 10 years!