To think in reality everyone should have a running away fund?

[Cupcakeicecream]

I'm curious on what people thoughts are. I generally think its sensible that people have money put aside that only they know about at least a small amount. Of course in a marriage you will have your accounts and all the money is shared with joint saving and such but even just a little bit of money you stick aside from the money you allow yourself each month. Of course there's people who will say its stealing from the family money and they trust their partner completely you never truly know what's around the corner. I think it's best to prepare its might never be needed but you'll be comfortable with the fact that it's there if you do need it. Theres also people who would secretly say they wouldn't save secretly behind partners backs but your partner could well have secret money and they just haven't mentioned it. Call it whatever ever rainy day fund emergency fund running away fund. I just think every women should always have their own money and means of supporting themselves and it's just how I was raised to be independent and never truly be reliant on a man for money.

A lot of people can't afford to eat or pay the mortgage let alone pay into a secret escape fund.

Or don't marry a loser.

I think it’s fine if it’s something you and your partner have discussed and you both have the opportunity to do it. Individual savings are fine. But if it’s at the expense of shared income your family needs or will benefit from, I think it’s really dishonest and unfair.

Yes, I agree, obviously it'd be a good idea to make sure that your job is valued as equal and that the childcare is shared so that you don't end up as vulnerable but yes. It is sensible.

I was very stuck for a time. Even now that I'm financially independent as a single woman I still save every month. I am fanatical about it. I get paid weekly luckily and I save 25 a week. I know it's not much but if I'd done that every week between meeting my xh and knowing i'd need to escape from him I'd have had (7x52+ 26) x 25

@hollowvictory, that is the best plan really. I let myself be cornered financially by a man with various abusive tendencies. Financial being one of them, he exerted control on me which prevented me from having a decent job. HOWever, how often do we read on here that women with LOVELY husbands end up shell shocked because they NEVER thought he'd cheat/leave them. So yeh, don't marry a loser but even if you marry somebody genuinely wonderful who is worthy of you, be aware that people change, you don't know what YOU will want in 15 years so you cannot really predict what somebody else will want in 15 years. So, save. Or RISK being screwed.

A backup fund is more appropriate. I just drained mine recently for emergency things but will be paying it right back up to full soon enough.

In theory I absolutely agree. In practice most women will spend that money on their children once they have them.

Or don't marry a loser

Really helpful
Do people get a crystal ball when they get married?

We have our own accounts, and a joint account. It’s worked well for us for 35 years. We both know what money the other has,including a couple of small, unexpected inheritances. I agree that no woman should be trapped in an abusive situation, so why would I surrender my independence to anyone?

It doesn't need to be a "running away" fund but I think all women should have some money of their own. I always have. My grandparents gave me a building society book with £3k in when I was 18. In 1978. Only time I haven't had that in the bank was when I first bought a flat a few years later. Even then I put £40 a month away and heaved a sigh of relief when I had a £1000 stacked up.

I have a stash of my own money now after nearly 30 years of marriage. Why wouldn't you if you could and I think you should.

People should have individual savings, people should have joint savings, people should have life insurance, people should have critical illness cover, people should have a rainy day fund, people should have 6 months income in an account somewhere......lots of things people should have if only they had lots of spare money. The reality for a lot of families is very different.

DH and I don't have a joint bank account for many reasons I won't go into. However we do our finances each month after payday so we can see who may need some extra support that month or whatever (commission jobs). I don't agree with run away funds at all. If you're with someone and feel the need for a run away fund then you are with the wrong person.

To be honest I agree. You really don't know what might be around the corner, and if your partner turns out to be an abuser the chances are you won't find out for a while and your bank account could be empty by the time you realise you might need it. If you have to stick around for a few extra months to save enough to leave it could cost you dearly. It's hard to keep something completely secret with modern technology, though.

Just wondeting what the reaction would be if a woman came on here, said the family were a bit hard up but that her husband had been secretly saving family money in case he needed to leave in a hurry.

Obviously they'll now be a stream of posts saying "well I be saying exactly the same thing".

Maybe posters would... it's just that experience on these boards tells me that when men post idenitical situations to women they really do 't get told the same thing.

means of supporting themselves

I opted for that. I'm the main earner, I have no need to hide the housekeeping. I can easily maintain my current lifestyle with or without DH.

I agree OP. I was brought up with it. From the time I went to secondary I had emergency money in case I missed the bus or needed to make an emergency call.
Later in college it was enough to pay a train fare home.

My dm drilled in to me from an early age that some money was untouchable. Once you have it you put it out of your mind and forget you have it. It’s only for absolute life-crisis emergencies.

Among women in my family it’s called a “running away fund” but that’s partly ironic. In my gran’s generation, her sister helped one of her daughter’s to travel to the UK to have an abortion at a time when she might have ended up in a Magdalene Laundry. It was a huge secret from the men in the family. We live in better times but you never know what life will throw at you, what your loved ones might need.

back up fund more sensible.
what would replacing the heating cost (if owning) or what a deposit costs (if renting). that's a sensible amount of cash in easy reach.

I agree, but then I don’t believe all money automatically becomes family money.

We had independent accounts and a joint account.

Why wouldn't you if you could
I suppose technically we could but as dp and I are knocking on 40 and trying to save for a house deposit if I found out he had a few grand stashed i'd be furious.

Just wondeting what the reaction would be if a woman came on here, said the family were a bit hard up but that her husband had been secretly saving family money in case he needed to leave in a hurry

Is it comparable though? Many men walk away from families and dc. And hide money to shirk their responsibilities to pay for the children they fathered. When women run away they are leaving husbands not children.

Just wondeting what the reaction would be if a woman came on here, said the family were a bit hard up but that her husband had been secretly saving family money in case he needed to leave in a hurry

Not really comparable given that the vast majority of SAHP are women

The principle is 100% the same.

I agree it's not the same.
You can only say ''how would you feel if a man came on here...?'' etc if we were living in a world where women aren't made more vulnerable than men by parenthood, where women aren't more likely to be the sahm parent, where women aren't physically smaller and where women are judged for leaving their children but it's understood if a man does it, not to mention that if women do get back in to the workplace as single women their being a parent is held against them. Being a family man has the opposite effect on a man. There is also the fact that women are objectified, vulnerable to sexual coercion, and approximately 137 a women per week die at the hands of their partner worldwide. it is just NOT the same

I didn't mention that women still earn 77p to the pound what men do and that UNskilled labour that is considered traditionally female is paid less (worth less in the market) than unskilled labour that is traditionally male.

So no. If a man starts a running away fund it is for VERY different reasons.

For as long ad professional women write "what men do" it's hardly surprising they ear 77p to the £.