Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend told people I'm gay ..i told her in confidence aibu to be hurt?

33 replies

lucyloo2335 · 17/02/2019 16:43

I've always dated men.
My friend was trying to set me up and I confided in her that I had started casually dating a woman but I wasn't sure what it was and what it meant.
I told her not to say anything as it was new to me and I wasn't comfortable yet.
Friday night she went out with another close friend (who I love and she's one of my best friends but I never told because I was unsure and didn't want to make a big deal of it)
Anyway she told her I was gay and been dating her for months and she rang me upset I couldn't share it with her.
I truly apologised to her and said it wasn't because I didn't value our friendship and I love her but I was confused feeling things I had never felt before.
I'm so angry at my other friend I feel like she's broken my trust.
Aibu ?

OP posts:
Msmcc1212 · 17/02/2019 16:51

Nope. You were clear about wanting confidentiality. Friendships are built on trust. If you feel able to then you could Talk to her about it and explain how you feel. If this is a friendship worth holding onto they will understand and do their best to repair things. It might bring you a closer bond. If not then you’ll know more about the nature of that particular friendship and what you can/can’t expect. YANBU. Definitely. Good luck 🙂

KM99 · 17/02/2019 16:55

Your "friend" is anything but a friend. You made it clear you didn't want it made public and regardless it's not her information to share. I'd be making it very clear how unhappy you are. She outed you when you aren't ready to put labels on anything. At best she a thoughtless gossip, at worst a shit stirring bitch

I also think your other friend calling you upset is a bit of a drama queen. She should be horrified your trust has been betrayed, not crying into her tea that she wasn't told.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/02/2019 17:01

How old is this 'friend' 12?!!!!!
Even if you hadn't said "Don't say anything". It still wouldn't have been her place to open her mouth.

Original poster
lucyloo2335 · 17/02/2019 17:03

We are both 35.
I feel terrible that I didn't tell my other friend.
I love her like a sister but I just wasn't ready.
I might as well tell everyone as it won't be long till everyone knows my business now.

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 17/02/2019 17:07

You need better quality friends, one is blabber mouth and the other a drama queen. I’d expect this kind of behaviour from teens, not supposed grown arse women.

outpinked · 17/02/2019 17:10

Your friend is not a friend. When I was a young teenager a few of my friends ‘came out’ to me and I didn’t tell a soul, it wasn’t my place to. If I could keep it to myself at 14/15 then your friend should at 35...

Original poster
lucyloo2335 · 17/02/2019 17:10

I might as well have put a bloody post on Facebook.
The other friend said she told her boyfriend as she was upset ..so now he knows too.

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/02/2019 17:10

You only told blabber mouth because she was hen pecking you about going out with some bloke. Not because you trust her more than your closer friend.

NorthernBirdAtHeart · 17/02/2019 17:10

Exactly what Agent Johnson said.
And you are definitely not unreasonable to be upset. Flowers

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/02/2019 17:11

I know she way way way out of line, but Aren't you glad its out there now.
Its nothing to be ashamed of is it

LadyRenoir · 17/02/2019 17:19

You need to speak to Friend 1, who actually does not seem much like a friend...

Armadillostoes · 17/02/2019 17:22

The one who blabbed is NOT your friend. The other one is super self-centred too. You are working through complicates feelings about your sexuality and identity. This really isn't all about her is it?

Bouchie · 17/02/2019 17:24

She's a gobby gossip. that said it really shouldn't matter as it should be no more relevant than if you were straight.

IncrediblySadToo · 17/02/2019 17:42

Blabbermouth would be EX friend.

Your bf is hurt that you appear to have preferred to share this with BM than her, of course she’s upset. Just apologise and explain that you only told BM because she was going on and on about this date and that you that you hadnt wanted to tell anyone, not even her, because you just wanted to work your way through this until YOU understood how you felt. Just talk to her.

I think a lot of us could be gay/bi if we were open to it. Well done for letting yourself go with it and seeing how you feel.

rosiejaune · 17/02/2019 17:44

YANBU, obviously.

Not only has the first "friend" broken your trust, and spread information you didn't want to share yet, but she's also decided on an orientation label for you which may be completely inaccurate (i.e. you may decide you identify as bi or something, not gay).

And the second friend should prioritise your interests above her offence you didn't tell her yet.

IncrediblySadToo · 17/02/2019 17:46

I don’t think it has anything to do with being ashamed or embarrassed. There are just some things in life you want to work through by yourself until you know how you feel about them yourself before they become public knowledge.

Sparklesocks · 17/02/2019 17:50

Your first friend betrayed your trust in order to have a gossip with your other friend.
Your second friend is making this all about her - it isn’t, she’s inserting herself into this. It’s not her god given right as your friend for you to tell her everything about your sexuality, especially as this is all still very new for you.

Neither of them have acted well and both owe you an apology.

MiGi777 · 17/02/2019 17:51

I can't believe your so called friends did that to you! You'll never be able to trust them again. I think that is absolutely terrible and unforgiveable. Id get rid of both.

SabineUndine · 17/02/2019 17:53

This is outrageous. The person you told has told her boyfriend because SHE was upset? What the fuck was she upset about? I would quietly drop her and concentrate on more valuable friendships.

PtahNeith · 17/02/2019 17:56

I also think your other friend calling you upset is a bit of a drama queen. She should be horrified your trust has been betrayed, not crying into her tea that she wasn't told.

You haven't done anything to feel terrible about. You are absolutely entitled to privacy while you figure something important out. Privacy is not the same as dishonesty.

I also agree with a pp that both "friends" owe you apologies. I would not be impressed by "friend" 2's self centred reaction or her going off and telling extra people something you didn't want to be made public. Wtf is that about?

I'm sorry you've had such crap reactions from people you thought were trustworthy.

Is how either of these people have reacted how you would react if the situation were reversed?

ErickBroch · 17/02/2019 17:57

Your other friend is equally crap, you do not need to apologise for choosing to tell someone private information or not.

Zwischenwasser · 17/02/2019 18:06

I agree with PPs NO apologies needed to friend 2 that you didn’t tell her.

What a fucking drama llama she is. Upset that you didn’t tell her? She has no right to your personal information.

Im in a similar situation. The only person I have told is someone I’m not actually close to at all.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/02/2019 18:12

In friend 2's defence though. I'd be lying if wrote. "I can't see why shes upset". If you look at ft side. All she is seeing is that someone else was told before her. If I had to look the Lord in the eye and tell the truth or burn in hell for eternity on the surface I'd be upset, too.

Sparklesocks · 17/02/2019 18:47

Awwlookatmybabyspider it’s not her obligation to know the details of OP’s sexuality if OP doesn’t feel comfortable sharing. I’m not really sure why the religious references are relevant in this context.

Original poster
lucyloo2335 · 17/02/2019 20:00

I hate the thought of being gossiped about.
One of the reasons I'm not comfortable with telling people.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.