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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask this woman what her problem with me is?

74 replies

SuzzieWithEthics · 17/02/2019 07:25

A receptionist at the council owned leisure center seems to be playing some petty power game with me.

I hand my card to her, she then goes out of her way to avoid my hand and put it down on the surface and making it fiddly to pickup. She's treating me differently as see her hand it back to other people normally.

Watched her hand it back to three people in front of me normally yesterday. So for a change (I usually treat her how she treats me) I handed it to her and she still ignored handing it back to me.

I don't think it's to do with age or gender. I think it could be because I'm on benefits and save 20% on membership.

It's minor but aibu to just ask her why?

OP posts:

goingtotown · 17/02/2019 09:22

Move on OP, life’s too short to worry about trivial matters.

EdWinchester · 17/02/2019 09:23

I’d be ultra smiley and happy. Do NOT let her think you even notice this.

Ihaveabloodyheadache · 17/02/2019 09:41

Could you have put the card on the counter for her to pick up before at any point?

I ask because in some training I did a little while ago, we were asked to come up with things that customers do that upset/annoy us - the trainer then gave possible explanations for this. One I found really interesting was that a few find it insulting to have money placed on the bar in a puddle of beer usually when it's really busy and you have to scramble about picking it up. The trainer said this actually could be the customer having sensory processing issues or OCD and it's how they need to do things.
Now if someone places their money on the bar, I will place their change there, as they have initiated it that way. If they are struggling then it's better for them.

Just a thought that maybe you did it at some point inadvertently and she does it now as she's been told a similar thing?

That said I do take it on a 'case by case's basis and if you handed me a card/cash I'd hand you in back.

Original poster

SuzzieWithEthics · 17/02/2019 09:53

No I've never placed my card there until she started doing it to me, I would find it rude as the normal thing to do is give it to someone holding out their hand ready to receive it.

OP posts:

Original poster

SuzzieWithEthics · 17/02/2019 09:54

But the odd time I do give it to her, usually when I've seen her serve multiple people in front of my and hand it back to them and she still insists on treating me differently. So certain it's not that.

OP posts:

DointItForTheKids · 17/02/2019 10:23

Like it gooseygoosey - go with this OP!!

Toastedstrudel · 17/02/2019 13:19

It’s a rather big leap to assume she’s a Daily Mail reader and she has issue with people on benefits I assure you that you aren’t the only one she serves on benefits. Maybe she’s picking up on your judgemental attitude?

Original poster

SuzzieWithEthics · 17/02/2019 13:22

It's not really a leap to think some people have issues with people on benefits!

Plus that with another poster here experienced the same when she was on benefits going swimming.

OP posts:

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/02/2019 13:29

It might seem petty to others but to you its a big deal, especially when she doesn't do it to others.
If she doesn't like people on benefits getting the services at a discount price and thinks life on benefits is so cushy. Perhaps she should give up her job in exchange for a life on benefits. I'm sure there are thousand of people waiting to take her place.
However I wouldn't approach her. I assume the place has a person in charge.

Toastedstrudel · 17/02/2019 13:30

Do you have issue with being on benefits? It seems like massive projection here. Why do you assume it’s that without any evidence whatsoever? It’s entirely possible she’s on benefits herself.

ApolloandDaphne · 17/02/2019 13:32

How will she know you have a discount benefits membership?

HollowTalk · 17/02/2019 13:33

How would she know you were on benefits anyway? Surely everyone's card is the same?

Longtalljosie · 17/02/2019 13:38

It could be that you’re on benefits. It could be something which subconsciously makes her hostile. Perhaps you look a lot like someone who’s been awful to her in the past. Perhaps you’re slim / fit and she has a problem with body image. Perhaps you’re prettier than her. It can honestly be things this small.

I think if it was me I’d look at the card pointedly for a moment or so before picking it up at first, then look straight at her with a raised eyebrow. She’s using a micro-aggression, but two can play that game. Move on to giving a little smile / laugh / raised eyebrow as if to say, still at it? Embarrass her.

SmashedMug · 17/02/2019 14:05

I think it's odd that your first thought is to blame it on benefits. It's more likely something that makes her not want to be in close proximity to you e.g. you look dirty, you smell, she's seen you touch your nose/mouth/arse before she's meant to hand it back over and doesn't want to risk touching you.

WarpedGalaxy · 17/02/2019 14:08

There’s a woman at my local coffee shop who does this to me! Every one else she hands cards, change to, me, she always places it on the counter. She always looks boot-faced when she sees me come in too, I have no idea why, I don’t have a complicated order, I’m always polite and smiling, I always put a tip in the box on the counter. Maybe I look like someone else but, whatever, I have no intention of caring past the few minutes in which it happens. Just ignore it OP, she’s the one with the problem not you.

SexNotJenga · 17/02/2019 14:09

I think she was once in the Ladies at the same time and noticed you didn't wash your hands. Or one time you were a bit flustered and didn't say please and thank you enough so she's decided to be very passive - aggressively rude back.

SexNotJenga · 17/02/2019 14:10

It would be very hard to mention it without sounding mad though.

MulticolourMophead · 17/02/2019 14:14

Daily Mail readers are responsible for everything that's wrong in the world! A bit of ethnic cleansing is called for methinks!

If you're ready to take names, you can have my ex's The DM is probably a shorthand for the many reasons I left.

Lizzie48 · 17/02/2019 14:26

It does sound as if she's deliberately singling you out, which isn't nice at all. As some PPs have said, act extra friendly towards her, which she will find very difficult to cope with.

HollowTalk · 17/02/2019 14:40

@WarpedGalaxy, why on earth are you leaving a tip in those circumstances?

WarpedGalaxy · 17/02/2019 15:02

HollowTalk I’m in the USA - force of habit!

Also the tips get shared amongst all the employeees there and the others are always lovely, and, in my head, if this makes sense I’m making a small point by not letting her attitude affect how I normally behave. I was reminded of it by this thread so it’s not like I’m brooding on it.

I go in there on a Sunday, be going later this morning, on my way home from grocery shopping to get coffee and pastries as a small treat for me and DH.

DointItForTheKids · 17/02/2019 16:02

I had a similarly odd experience on a flight back from Tenerife once! Absolutely barmy - got treated like absolute SHIT by the crew and I've literally got no idea why! My two children were absolutely freezing (the flight was so cold) and they handed out blankets to adults and so on and just left my two and were really vile - I literally have no idea to this day what I could possibly have done wrong. It can be quite bizarre. It's not unreasonable in OPs example that it could be thinking people are benefits scroungers because the card identifies you as in receipt of a benefit so it's pretty obvious. Perhaps they have to tap a few extra buttons on the screen to process those payments and it pisses her off, who knows?!

OneStepSideways · 17/02/2019 17:37

Do you have particularly sweaty hands? Or any visible rashes?

It seems unlikely she's judging you based on benefits, more likely you remind her of somebody else or she thinks you look unhygienic in some way. When I worked in retail I tried to avoid brushing hands if they handed me a sticky card or had dirty nails or generally looked/smelled unwashed.

DeathyMcDeathStarFace · 17/02/2019 17:40

Take a big blob of blue tack in your bag/backpack/purse etc and passive aggressively take it out, stick it to your card and lift the card with the blue tack. At the same time look at the receptionist, big smile, saying "It's sooooo difficult trying to pick a thin card like that up off a flat surface like the desk, isn't?"

(But using blue tack is a useful way to pick thin/small things up, so might be useful keeping some with you anyway. Also, other (cheaper) variations are available.)

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