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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask this woman what her problem with me is?

74 replies

SuzzieWithEthics · 17/02/2019 07:25

A receptionist at the council owned leisure center seems to be playing some petty power game with me.

I hand my card to her, she then goes out of her way to avoid my hand and put it down on the surface and making it fiddly to pickup. She's treating me differently as see her hand it back to other people normally.

Watched her hand it back to three people in front of me normally yesterday. So for a change (I usually treat her how she treats me) I handed it to her and she still ignored handing it back to me.

I don't think it's to do with age or gender. I think it could be because I'm on benefits and save 20% on membership.

It's minor but aibu to just ask her why?

OP posts:

Tara336 · 17/02/2019 08:15

She’s trying to make a passive/aggressive point about something (goodness knows what). Drive her crazy by smiling really politely and a really nice Thankyou when she puts the card on the desk. Trust me when I say it will drive her nuts that she’s not getting to you, eventually she will give up. Whatever her problem is don’t make it yours!

ThatsWotSheSaid · 17/02/2019 08:16

I like the trying to ‘crack’ her idea. Come in with smiles and chit chat and be overly nice just for comedy value. If she sticks to her ridiculous guns see how unreasonable you can force her into behaving with your relentless cheerfulness.

Original poster

SuzzieWithEthics · 17/02/2019 08:17

No it's not do to with me holding my hand out impatiently, i just act like everyone else hand hold it in the same position.

She's going out of her way to make a dig at me.

OP posts:

DointItForTheKids · 17/02/2019 08:18

I'd be ready the second I gave her the card, my hand would be outstretched ready to receive the card back (so it's absolutely obvious to her that you're expecting it handed back to your hand, the same way you gave it to her)
I'd just keep my hand outstretched even after she put it back on the counter. And leave my hand there and leave my hand there and leave my hand there, until...
.... she finally looks up realising you've not retrieved it I'd say "Sorry, I can never prise this blessed card off the counter, can you hand it to me - thanks!"

It is quite odd, there are some odd, inexplicable reasons why people treat one particular person differently from another and as you've got evidence that she hands the card back to other people's hands, clearly there's something flown up her nostril. It's pretty weird really, on her part. I had similar when going swimming and if you were on tax credits you could get a card that gave you reduced rates for swimming. It obviously worked because me and the kids went ever Saturday morning for the longest time - so it's a good thing and contributes to the health of the local community, which is why it's done so not sure why anyone would have a problem with that. I too found the person on the counter to be really abrupt but not sufficiently for me to do anything about it. Wonder if it's the same woman!!!!

DointItForTheKids · 17/02/2019 08:20

I'm with you Imfree. Why should people pick on individuals like this, for no good reason? Why shouldn't we call it out?

AguerosAngel · 17/02/2019 08:21

I can’t get my head round the fact that you give this any head space whatsoever!

sighrollseyes · 17/02/2019 08:25

Wow first world problems...

Bigonesmallone3 · 17/02/2019 08:32

Pull her up on it once and u can guarantee it won't happen again!

Just a sarcastic little 'my hand was right there'

Original poster

SuzzieWithEthics · 17/02/2019 08:33

Ah thanks DointItForTheKids, I think some people just think people on benefits are scum and like to single them out. I know it's her own issue.

OP posts:

WholeL0ttaRosie · 17/02/2019 08:35

I would ask her, politely and directly, without a smile.

I used to work somewhere where we had the same customers every week, the rude people stayed rude no matter how friendly/ smiley I was. One woman in particular wouldn't say a word eg I would say "Good morning" no response, I would say "Please/ thank you/ goodbye " absolutely no response. One day I decided to treat her the same way so conducted the transaction in silence...and she hit the roof.
Some people get off on playing petty little power games.

Marymarg · 17/02/2019 08:35

I get this off certain people so I can understand why it bothers you. I just try and be really friendly and if that fails I'll just treat them as they treat me but a little worse. No way would I ask what her problem is because it is HER problem!

ambereeree · 17/02/2019 08:40

OP are you a different ethic group? I would call her out on it. Embarrass her.

NoonAim · 17/02/2019 08:43

I can’t get my head round the fact that you give this any head space whatsoever!

Well then you either have no imagination or you are lacking in empathy. This wouldn't bother you but it clearly upsets the OP.

OP, I think you should place your hand right over the counter almost under her nose so that she has no alternative but to put the card in your outstretched palm.

Thecabbageassasin · 17/02/2019 08:43

I think she’s winning if she’s in your head and got you wondering.

I would either be super friendly, comment on how lovely her hair is etc..to annoy her.

Or just say could you put the card in my hand please, I can’t retrieve it from desk.

I used to do this with arsehole customers change when I was doing bar work as a much younger immature person, I did it because they where rude and unpleasant, but whatever her reasons it not worth sinking to her level for.

lljkk · 17/02/2019 08:57

She saw you picking your nose in public place?

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 17/02/2019 09:02

I seriously doubt benefits has anything to do with it. She isn’t going to paid a fortune as receptionist at a lesiure centre. And it’s not a private club, she’ll take money from loads on benefits.

I guess you either come across as a bit unhygienic or a bit rude and grabby.

starsparkle08 · 17/02/2019 09:02

Pay in coins next time and place them on the counter

Original poster

SuzzieWithEthics · 17/02/2019 09:02

Well then you either have no imagination or you are lacking in empathy.

Thanks

No she's the same ethnicity. I'm not sure if I should say anything. But she is going out her way to be a cow and it's a service I'm paying for.

I'd like to message the center manager as having a digs at people on benefits just isn't very nice. But they might be just as bad and giggle behind my back at how much they think they're winning.

OP posts:

CroutonCrouton · 17/02/2019 09:02

Ugh I hate people like that. Someone I used to work with (normal small shop) used to do exactly this and had customers they had a real grudge against for no reason whatsoever. It was so uncomfortable to watch.

You've done nothing at all OP, it's just some slight she's got in her head. Just bored and bitter.

Mummytumm · 17/02/2019 09:05

This would bug the beejeesus out of me. It would depend on what mood I was in as to how I would handle it next time.

But I'm leaning towards being a right arse about it - put your card on the counter for her to pick up. But keep your finger on it. Then when she goes to pick it up, slide it back towards you with your finger. Then repeat forwards & backwards for about a minute, temptingly enticing her to pick it up each time, then snatch it up and say "Ha! Didn't even want to come in the leisure centre today!" and walk out with your head held high.

It means you can never go there again, but you will have won!

Can you tell I have PMT as I write this?!

Funkyfunkybeat12 · 17/02/2019 09:05

I would say 'sorry, can you hand it back to me please' in a polite but passive-aggressive way and then stand there until she does. If she treats others differently, it's obviously something that's making her behave like this to you. People who say this kind of stuff just doesn't register with them may have had the fortune of not having it happen to them. If you're part of society's 'undesirable' groups, whether that's benefits claimants, people of colour, immigrants, LGBT people, you often pick up on the small but subtle ways that some people make their disapproval known.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 17/02/2019 09:07

Next time you go in hand it her then wait with your hand outstretched. When she places it on the counter I'd say loudly "well that was rude! Could you please pass my card back to me". She won't like being called out because she's only doing it because she thinks she can. Tell her she can't!

Original poster

SuzzieWithEthics · 17/02/2019 09:07

People who say this kind of stuff just doesn't register with them may have had the fortune of not having it happen to them. If you're part of society's 'undesirable' groups, whether that's benefits claimants, people of colour, immigrants, LGBT people, you often pick up on the small but subtle ways that some people make their disapproval known.

I love you!

OP posts:

woollyheart · 17/02/2019 09:08

I like the relentless friendly approach.

Tell her how lovely it is to see a smiling face!

Singlenotsingle · 17/02/2019 09:09

Daily Mail readers are responsible for everything that's wrong in the world! A bit of ethnic cleansing is called for methinks!

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