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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to wonder how some people coped in former times?

457 replies

Flyingfish2019 · 17/02/2019 02:59

When they had 12 children, husband was working down the mines 16 hours a day, no transportation, no frozen/canned food, no fridge, constantly pregnant. No help if somebody suffered a disability (and I think this was likely working down the mines those days).

I just wondered because I have far less then 12 children and dh does not work down the mines and still we are often soooooo tired. Children keeping us awake play a role in this... how would we cope if there was 12 of them and we had to live under the conditions described above?

OP posts:
certainlymerry · 17/02/2019 08:52

The diet was also stodge. Very little fruit unless you lived in the country. Virtually no vegetables. Bread and dripping, maybe a little jam if you were lucky. The best meat was given to the men . Potatoes, bread, dripping and tea with lots of sugar. Not a healthy diet at all. Or stodgy puddings and cakes to fill up empty tummies if these could be afforded.

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 17/02/2019 08:57

Diets weren't healthier for poor people. Okay, they didn't have preservatives and sugar, but a lot of poor people were seriously malnourished!

Yep! Rickets quite common (a lot of people now don't realise it's not just from lack of Vit D) and caused a lot of people to develop severe joint pain in their 40s and 50s if they got that far (FIL had rickets from malnutrition and ended up with joint replacements) and also caused many women to have a 'contracted' or misshapen pelvis which sadly used to result in infant and maternal death for none too few of them.

cooldarkroom · 17/02/2019 08:57

It's not all that long ago,
I read a book called Nan, set in Ireland in the 60s (so obviously after WWII) they had no food (a treat was to lick GPs chip paper wrapper, they had no shoes....

My MIL was from an Italian immigrant family, some of her early memories are her mother never being home as she had to walk a mile to the river to wash her small brothers's nappies in the river (Normandy) every day, they then dried (eventually) hung out on the bushes
She played with the older siblings on the beach in Normandy, which hadn't been cleared of mines !

My OH, was bought up in a one room apartment, with 2 brothers, washed in the kitchen sink, (they were lucky they had a well in the cellar, & didn't have far to go to carry the water. The chamber pot carried out to the latrines everyday, one shower a week in communal village shower.

My mother told me once when I was small she had gone out (with youngest brother, if not where was he ?) for a short period, when she got back I was making myself a cup of tea, I had got up on a chair, filled the kettle, put it on the gas stove (you had to light it by opening gas & getting the flame from the pilot light with a taper/tube on the side of the cooker, ) & was about to pour boiling water into the teapot...... I was 4

I have a friend who was one of 9 siblings, he lived on a farm & he found his father hung in the barn (financial ruin) he took over all responsibility for the farm at the age of 15 with his mother

Jackyjill6 · 17/02/2019 08:59

Presumably the children would not keep their parents awake as they would be exhausted themselves from a day spent down the mine/at the mill/tending smaller children, and fighting off diseases.

BWatchWatcher · 17/02/2019 08:59

And this is where Jacob Rees-Mogg wants to take is back to.

We’re really not that far away from this kind of life.

whatswithtodaytoday · 17/02/2019 09:00

My grandma - born in about 1915 - used to tell us about how they'd be locked out of the house all day after breakfast. So yes, they 'played out' and had fun, but they weren't actually welcome back in the house until dinner time.

They also used to have to eat what they were given. If they didn't eat it, it was served again the next day, for up to three days. My grandma hated porridge, so was often hungry all day because that was all there was for breakfast.

My mum - born in 1946 - says she remembers the 50s as grey. They were poor but not desperately so - her dad worked in a factory and mum in a shop - but there was no central heating in their house, outside loo, ice inside the windows in winter, etc. No car, no TV. Certainly no after school clubs or tutoring, no-one had time for that!

They were happy, but there is no doubt life was a lot harder physically than it is now.

theWarOnPeace · 17/02/2019 09:01

My grandmother was born just before the end of WWI and a third of her siblings died at some point in childhood/as babies. They had to work from the moment they were able, and as the oldest, my GM was in charge of getting the little ones up and out of the way before starting the many tasks of the day. They did any and everything for money or food. In some scenarios they were paid in some way by what they did, so not always cash. Eg. Helped out at the dairy, shovelling shit for hours and sweeping, and you’d get some milk. My GM was the least squeamish person imaginable and once she told me it was because she started one of her many jobs, this one as a butchers helper, at around 8yo. She had to handle the meat and guts and bag up offal etc for hours, and would be rewarded with a bag of tripe for the family, if they were feeling generous there would be liver, and one Christmas they were given what she thought was maybe pigeon or partridge but she couldn’t remember. Her clothes had to be boiled at the end of the day. She would shovel coal for coal, and picked fruit and veg for a punnet of fruit and/or veg. They had chickens, but because they didn’t have any scraps really to give them, they would grow stuff specifically for them, I’m guessing corn? My GM didn’t just accept it as her lot and tried anything and everything to scrape out of poverty, and away from the drudgery of it all. She hated every stinking minute of her childhood and will tell anyone who listens how abysmally shit it was. Once WWII rolled around, she was an adult and got involved in the war effort as expected. She says this ‘blitz spirit’ was all propaganda, and everyone she came across was desperate, suspicious, greedy, and selfish. This assessment of it wasn’t intended, I don’t think, to be mean. More that it was realistic in a sense of it being human nature to hoard the little food, not wanting the neighbours to ask for some of your few carrots you’d managed to grow, and shelters etc were few and far between, so people who had enough money to buy or build them didn’t shout about it. Basically, everything was shit for her until the late 50s when she and my grandfather bought and completely renovated a ramshackle house (with their probably bulging biceps!), and their jobs were considered highly skilled and sought after. My grandmother never gave anything cheap and crappy a backwards glance once they got into the sort of middle class wage bracket. Everything was high quality, they went on holiday, had cars and homes that they kept spotless. I remember starting my period and my mum almost ignoring the whole thing. My GM sat me down, told me how crap it was, and what it was all about, then took me to boots and bought me a sackful of sanitary towels, telling me about how they’d had to wash out their rags as teens and dry them out for all to see, so I was damn lucky. This was then followed by a trip to wimpy and about a kilo of sweets from Woolworths, natch. I love history, but always feel myself saying PAH!! When people hark back to the good old days, particularly in relation to wartime and those propaganda posters. Poppycock!, as my grandmother would say.

MissEliza · 17/02/2019 09:01

This is indeed a fascinating thread. My gf was the oldest of 8 dcs, with a ninth dying in infancy. There was at least 15/16 years between the my gf and the youngest sister. Therefore the older ones helped raise the younger. As people started working in their mid teens, that also helped financially.
My dggf was also a heavy drinker so my dggm would wait outside his work on a Friday to grab something from his pay packet before he drank it all. I can just imagine her standing there with some young child clamped to her.
However despite all that, all my DD's brothers and sisters have fond memories of their upbringing and I think seeing how hard it was for their dps, gave them good values. My dgf was a teetotal model husband probably after seeing his mother struggle.

borntobequiet · 17/02/2019 09:01

Another fan of Call the Midwife (book) and its sequels here. Jennifer Worth was a quite remarkable woman. Her writing is excellent.
I used a washing machine with a mangle on top myself in the 80s! It belonged to MIL (living with her at the time). Clothes were removed with wooden tongs - nappies had a boil wash that actually boiled...
It’s not true that people didn’t have much sugar. Three teaspoons in a cup of tea or coffee wasn’t unusual. Some people had five or six. I gave up sugar in tea for Lent in about 1965 and it was considered a huge sacrifice. However I never put sugar in tea after that.

Helmetbymidnight · 17/02/2019 09:03

When people hark back to the good old days, particularly in relation to wartime and those propaganda posters. Poppycock!, as my grandmother would say

absolutely.

OhTheRoses · 17/02/2019 09:05

I recall my grandmother saying sotto voce - the baby was deformed - not much hope - the dr held the blanket over - best thing. I think it was common place.

eco1636 · 17/02/2019 09:06

This is my 2nd gg with 11 of her 13 children. She looks like a machine!

AIBU to wonder how some people coped in former times?
EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 17/02/2019 09:08

BWatchWatcher we are miles away from it thankfully

Children died routinely from colds that became infections, domestic abuse was not seen as an issue it was so common place, orphaned children in homes were more often than not physically, emotionally and sexually abused this was ignored as they had a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs so they should be grateful for that, no support for mental illness, no support for parents with children that had learning difficulties, health care was absolute minimal for the majority

what he is advocating is a time when people appeared to be more respectful towards each other and cherry picking the good parts when the UK was industrial he is an idiot I agree but it is also idiotic and ridiculously dramatic and to claim we are not far away from this way of life

morningconstitutional2017 · 17/02/2019 09:11

My dad always said that it was 'survival of the fittest' in those days. Older siblings had to help out with the younger ones. Many women died before the menopause from illnesses which have largely been eradicated. It would have been such hard work as many of the machines we have now weren't widely available. Expectations were certainly lower.

He added that they were only 'the good old days' for the rich.

EleanorLavish · 17/02/2019 09:17

My mum is only 78 and this was her childhood.
She is the eldest of 12 (first 2 died at birth). Rural Ireland, which wasn't much touched by industry or modern times.
They had no electricity until she was 15yo. They lived on a farm. Grandfather had a very good job (eldest son, clever, only one sent to university, then provided for extended family,very common then).
Granny had a lady who came in to help with washing etc. They were never hungry, mum says neighbours did die of starvation.
Very hard times, but happy times too.
They were the days of people calling in to houses in the evenings for chat and cards. Even as a child people often called in I remember to the farm in the evenings for a chat and a game of whist.
Eldest ones were sent to boarding school for secondary.
Granny made her own bread every day, cooked from scratch. She loved a good chat too. Always happy to see someone coming through the door.
The book 'To School Through The Fields' is a fascinating insight to life in rural Ireland in the 30s & 40s. My mum says its just how she remembers it.

Seashell80 · 17/02/2019 09:20

flowerycurtain I have just ordered that book-love anything like that!

pootleposeyperkin · 17/02/2019 09:21

My gran was born during WW1, one of 13 children. Her mother died in her 40's. One brother drowned in the canal aged 6, another was listed as an 'imbecile'. She said she had an uncle who was 'funny in the head' after WW1, obviously shellshock. Grandad was a miner who died of lung disease - brass bands and choirs were common in mining communities as it was thought to be good for the lungs. My uncle died of polio as a baby in the 1930's and home was a terrace with an outside loo that was only demolished in the 80's.

JustDanceAddict · 17/02/2019 09:23

Different expectations, community spirit, people died much younger, children died in infancy. Not the whole obsession w parenting as there is today. You were doing a good job if your child was still alive at the end of the day.
There were definitely asylums etc and she’ll-shock which is now obviously ptsd, and treated.
My DGM was one of 12 I think, not all survived into adulthood. She did well for herself as an adult, her husband was successful and they only had 2 children (in the 1930s).

wheresmymojo · 17/02/2019 09:23

I come from a family of poor working class...miners, the lowest rungs in Potteries, the workhouse.

Funnily enough I can still see how some of the 'lower expectations' persist through a few generations.

I have bipolar disorder and went into a private hospital (health insurance) to be diagnosed and was there for three weeks figuring out a treatment plan.

My Nan was actually a bit off with me about it, because in her day they would just accept that's how life was (being depressed). It was like the acceptance of life 'being shit' was so ingrained that my expecting something better was almost offensive. She isn't normally an arsehole so I explored this with her and she sort of confirmed that this expectation that there is anything else other than 'life is shit and then you die' is a very new concept to how the family worked in previous generations.

BrizzleMint · 17/02/2019 09:27

My mum - born in 1946 - says she remembers the 50s as grey. They were poor but not desperately so - her dad worked in a factory and mum in a shop - but there was no central heating in their house, outside loo, ice inside the windows in winter, etc. No car, no TV. Certainly no after school clubs or tutoring, no-one had time for that!

In the 1970s we had no central heating like we have now - a few hot air vents which were only any good if you sat in front of them plus a gas fire. I remember my grandparents getting a fridge and a phone, we had a phone but it was strictly rationed and, as children, we weren't allowed to use it. Brownies was the only activity after school.
Our parents were never in after school so we'd wait outside the house for them to come home and we always stayed at home on our own during the holidays.

MiGi777 · 17/02/2019 09:28

@lonicerajaponica. I think my grandparents must have been particularly struggling then. They were buying their own house, nan worked full time by then but I know my grandad wasn't particularly nice and didn't give her any house keeping money so she effectively managed the house and family on one wage. When I moved with my parents when I was 5 we still had no central heating but had a gas fire but we had a washing machine and all the basics. It wasn't until later that nan had some kind of grant I think and had her house modernised but that was definitely after I was 5. Nan inherited a house in London after that and things changed over night.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 17/02/2019 09:29

There's another interesting book, "Out of the Doll's House" by Angela Holdsworth, that details all aspects of women's lives in the 20th Century. Lots of reminisces from women who actually lived it.

wheresmymojo · 17/02/2019 09:30

I also think in terms of MH - if you had to work to eat because you were too poor to take time off and there was no welfare state then you would.

Survival instincts would kick in and you would force yourself through whatever manual chores you needed to do to live.

Those at the more severe end would still break though and be in an asylum, would become homeless and die or perhaps end up working as prostitutes to survive (if they didn't have family who could afford to take care of them). They'd most likely die young.

Several people in my family tree died in workhouse's or in care of charities set up for paupers relatively young.

ThereWillBeAdequateFood · 17/02/2019 09:30

the baby was deformed - not much hope - the dr held the blanket over - best thing

My grandmother said the doctor or midwife would “do the best thing” if the baby was deformed when born or even if the family simply couldn’t afford another one. Absolutely shocking, I like to think she was being dramatic and exaggerating. Thing is she was a very practical down to earth person, so I’m pretty sure it’s true.

I think Drs were much more likely to “overuse” medication at the end of a patients life.
My great grandma was basically euthanasiaed by the GP. She had cancer and was in so much pain. He admitted to my grandma he gave her an overdose to end her life (she had at best a week of agony ahead of her). The whole family were so grateful for that act of kindness.

Sukochicha · 17/02/2019 09:30

Life was better in the Victorian era? Fuck me how stupid do you have to be to belive that.

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