To not want to move to dh’s hometown?

[Lejla68]

We currently live in London but ever since ds was born six months ago dh has been desperate to leave.

He wants to move to his hometown in Hertfordshire. He constantly goes on about how fresh the air is, how safe it is, how great the schools are etc.

But I love where we live now and have no desire whatsoever to leave - and I really don’t want to move to dh’s hometown. From visiting dh’s parents it seems suffocatingly upper middle class and twee (I went in a local gift shop once and they were selling ‘Keep Calm You’re in Town name’ coasters). It also seems so dull compared to London - in order to do anything interesting you have to travel into London which seems to negate the point of moving out of London in the first place. And it is one of the whitest places I’ve ever seen that is so close to London.

Dh is getting angry that I’m not even willing to consider it, but I love living in London, and before ds was born, we had talked about the future and both agreed that we wanted to raise our dc in London.

AIBU to not want to move to dh’s hometown?

I think DH and I were like this but the other way round. I had a sudden strong wish to move to where we grew up, I felt guilty I was depriving DS of what I’d had.

DH listened, we talked. We made lists of what we each wanted in our neighbourhood and what we wanted for DS (not lists of pros and cons of my hometown vs our London flat). We researched trains and houses. I felt heard. We ended up moving within London, to a neighbourhood neither of us had heard of before, but which we both love.

Before we married (back in the dark ages so we weren’t yet living together) we agreed that we would live in my end of the Midlands so OH (well, fiancé then) got a job there as did I. Then his employer closed suddenly and we agreed that it was his turn to choose where to live. So he, and I when we married, settled in his home area, the other side of the Midlands. 40 years on, though I like the area we live in, somehow i still don’t feel I really belong. My heart is still in “my” part of the Midlands.

Yanbu, don't do it!!

There is nothing wrong with wanting to leave London post children. It’s what lots of people do but you both have to find a location you’re happy with. Harpenden is nice so I can see why your husband might be comparing. But, unless you have a big budget for a house, he might not be able to replicate his childhood. House prices are crazy in harpenden as are school catchment areas. We looked as I did really like it but we got a lot more for our money in a different commuter area that we had assumed would have been more expensive.

My main issue with the move would seem to be you change jobs but he remains in the same one. He now has a longer commute and you end up doing all the drops/collections etc.

@Lejla68did you move in the end?!