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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think his friend is BU by even asking this!!

72 replies

UserUser123 · 16/02/2019 12:55

DD (11) fell the other night and broke her wrist. She had to have a procedure done on it yesterday morning as she broke both her wrist joints and it knocked the wrist out of place so it had to be reset. She had to be taken to Theatre and have this done under general anaesthetic. Her BP was high all day yesterday plus they were giving her morphine for the pain so we didn’t get out of hospital until late last night. DD didn’t sleep well last night due to pain and I slept in with her so I’m pretty done in myself (I also stayed in hospital with her so have hardly slept for 2 days) I’m also 34 weeks pregnant.

DP has just said to me that his friend is on at him to go out on the piss tonight! He said he’ll need to tell him something to palm him off so he doesn’t need to go! Said friend is now getting pissy with DP because he won’t go out.

Eh, what?!! I said tell him your daughter is ill and you need to be at home.

Who is being unreasonable here?

OP posts:

Wakk · 16/02/2019 14:37

His friend's being pissy? Right. I'd show him what being pissy means.

LannieDuck · 16/02/2019 14:38

So you've had two sleepless nights, and DD still needs to be watched overnight tonight? Even without you being pregnant, that's a no-brainer - it's his turn. He should know that without being told.

Original poster

UserUser123 · 16/02/2019 14:50

As far as I know though, this night out wasn’t arranged prior to DD breaking her wrist. Apparently the friend only asked DP this morning to go out tonight.

So, IMO - said friend is unreasonable for asking DP to go out in the first place, if he knew about the situation with DD and DP is unreasonable for even mentioning the night out to me, as I do feel he said it so I’d tell him to go out.

OP posts:

DoJo · 16/02/2019 14:52

*In your shoes I would suggest he stocked you up on take away and chocolate and went out. And stayed at his mates.
You get the bed to yourself and a quiet night. *
Otherwise you will have a poorly dc and a stroppy man child spoiling for a row.
And make a mental note he owes you one.

This perspective is so utterly tragic. If he would 'spoil for a fight' because his pregnant wife wanted him to be on night duty with their injured daughter so that she could have a break then he's such a monumental tosspot I wouldn't ever want to collect on the one he'd 'owe me'.

Fluffycloudland77 · 16/02/2019 14:55

If it’s quite late minute has another friend dropped out and your dh is the fallback option?.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 16/02/2019 15:01

You could just tell him that this is one if those times on which a person is judged..

... He can make his own decision and then either his mate or his wife will be annoyed with him.

Then refuse to engage any further. He should'nt have needed you to explain anything, he lived throug the last 2 days just as you did.

You need to take note: you could have hitched your wagon to a selfish gobshite.

SabineUndine · 16/02/2019 15:04

Give him a little speech to make to his pissy friend:

'Sorry mate, but my priorities tonight are my daughter who is in a lot of pain and my wife who is 34 weeks pregnant and exhausted.'

I wonder if he's even told his mate about the situation at home.

Tavannach · 16/02/2019 15:06

they did say if the hand swells or she has pins and needles to take her back. Im Probably being over cautious, but you never know!

I don't think you're being over cautious.
Hopefully DDs recovery should progress well enough that your DH can go out next week. Just now she needs to know that her dad is around.

Scarydinosaurs · 16/02/2019 15:08

So when you said you want him to be on night duty, what did he say?

Did he not expect to be doing this night with your daughter?

HollowTalk · 16/02/2019 15:14

I would say, "Honestly, what kind of twat is he that he thinks you'd go out for a drink when you've a sick child and pregnant wife at home?" and eyeball him.

WoollyMummoth · 16/02/2019 15:23

I’d be annoyed and sad that he even brought the subject of what to say to his mate up. I’d expect him to have already said no and be man enough to look after his tired and injured family

explodingkitten · 16/02/2019 15:23

So, IMO - said friend is unreasonable for asking DP to go out in the first place, if he knew about the situation with DD and DP is unreasonable for even mentioning the night out to me, as I do feel he said it so I’d tell him to go out.

I always wonder if that is the whole story. I'll never forget the time that an employees wife called my dad and was so angry with him for sending her husband to some foreign far away country (don't remember which one) for a few days while she needed him home so badly. My dad told her that he didn't and could see her husband working at his desk that very minute. Besides that he told her that he would always put someone's family life first in a health situation. He then told her to wait, fetched her husband into his office and handed him the (corded, 80s) phone to prove that he was really there. Turns out that he was having an affair. Then he gave his employee a good bollocking for lying about him.

Not that I'm saying that your DH is up to no good, just that he might be bending the truth a little.

diddl · 16/02/2019 15:27

" DP is unreasonable for even mentioning the night out to me, "

Yup-it should have been a flat no-daughter needs looking after & he needs to do it.

Or even-he's concerned about his wife & daughter & doesn't want to leave them.

PerspicaciaTick · 16/02/2019 15:30

Is your DP a bit thick? Lacking in imagination? Unable to prioritise the people and situations that matter?
Why has he even raised this with you? Surely "No thanks mate, not while DD is still in so much pain" was something he could come up with all on his own?

Quartz2208 · 16/02/2019 15:32

OP the more you write the friend isn’t the issue your DP is

scaryteacher · 16/02/2019 15:33

I look over my glasses at my dh when he is angling for something not entirely reasonable, and in my best glacial tone, tell him that as he's over 50 I will leave it entirely up to his conscience. The onus is put right back on him, and if he does what he wants to do, as opposed to what he should do, he pays. literally, as I go internet shopping.

YogaWannabe · 16/02/2019 15:36

I don’t think the friend is being unreasonable, he has no loyalty to you.
Your DP is manipulating you into thinking it’s the friends fault.
What 37 year old man would even relay these messages to his exhausted wife in these circumstances rather than shoot off a “not tonight mate” text and think no more about it?!

StillCoughingandLaughing · 16/02/2019 18:05

Don’t go in for all the passive-aggressive crap some are suggesting. If he asks again ‘What am I supposed to say to friend?’, respond with ‘Tell him the truth - your daughter’s ill and your wife’s heavily pregnant!’

XiCi · 16/02/2019 20:36

Yet another example of a shit DH on Mumsnet. Bet he's out sinking the pints with his mate as we speak.

sequinafortune · 16/02/2019 20:36

'I can't tell you whether or not to go out DH, what I can tell you is that your wife and daughter require your support here tonight.'
Thats the answer my DH would get. He wouldn't put me in the position to have to say this, as he'd have already offered (in fact he'd have told me he was doing it and packed me off to bed already) to look after DD while I slept. I can't stand men who pull this shit! He's an equal parent, and should take equal responsibility for his child. His mate needs no excuse other than the truth. Also what I'd be telling DH.
You're doing well keeping dd's arm elevated, hope she gets well really soon.

Graphista · 16/02/2019 21:08

"Who is being unreasonable here?"

Your dp!

I think it HIGHLY unlikely that it's really a case of friend putting the pressure on and it's dp trying to put pressure on you to agree with it!

He's being a total dick! Even the idea of him going out to get pissed shouldn't even have been mentioned! He needs to step up as a partner & father (inc to unborn child) and sit his arse at home and be actively supportive.

Is dd biologically his?

SeaToSki · 17/02/2019 14:14

How is DD doing today? Hope the pain is manageable and you all got some good sleep

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