to be on edge about 5 week old “behaviour?”

[MaidofMuswell]

Long story short we were in hospital a week after birth because bub had to have extra blood work after I’d had odd and rare antibodies in pregnancy and weird results came back resulting in brain scans, extra checks and she also had really bad jaundice. All seems fine now and after loads and loads of different appts with different professionals at different hospitals / clinics who were all fantastic but all had slightly different advice and never had all the info (to be clear this was where we were sent I wasn’t just going round different places for the craic) we’ve been discharged. The one thing that drs, midwives and HVs have all said though is to immediately get back in touch if we notice any “unusual behaviour” I’ve really pushed for details of this and they’ve said things like difficult to wake or struggling feeding etc which I understand but they’ve also said “anything that just rings alarm bells” or any changes in behaviour. The problem is, I barely slept in hospital, she’s feeding throughout the night, I’ve got a toddler to watch in the day and whilst I’m ok and relieved to be home most of the time every now and then I have a daft (I hope) panic about stuff which I don’t think is really concerning but feels so at the time because I’m watching her so closely and think my sanity has been a bit depleted. Babies change a lot too and think my alarm bells may be on a crazy sensitive setting. Panics so far have included: 1. Baby sleeping through loud toddler party (no longer worried on this but gives you flavour) 2. Baby being awake for hours on end in evening being bit fussy rather than mad colic (son had colic so know is not that, she’s just gone from sleeping happily on me in evenings before going down about 10 or 11 to being very fussy and hard to settle. 3. Baby sleeping for longer than did before (I know, I know) so last night after hrs of fuss two 4 hr stretches broken by one v efficient feed 4. Baby looking outside more than into my face and at faces in general as seemed to before - no idea why this or any of it should be worry just changes I guess. I have an amazing GP who knows full history andnso cdr

Sorry too long and can’t work our how to edit or delete... just ranting I think. Seeing GP monday and will talk this through as think might be going bit nuts... does any of this sound actually worrying re baby at all?!

Well I don't blame you for being on edge.

I am not sure what you are asking us though?

They must know that if they tell a postnatal mother of a baby who has been unwell that she needs to bring the baby in if she's worried, and are not more specific, then she'll be bringing the baby in left right and centre!

Has anyone told you you are bringing in baby too much?

Newborns can’t focus so don’t worry about them not looking at you. Are you in Ireland - you used the word craic. If so could you arrange for the phn to visit you a few times just to get a bit more reassurance. My one came out a few times a week whwn we had some issues.

None of it sounds too worrying to me but I can see that you are worrying because they have told you too look out for stuff..

Poor you, it must be exhausting

Thanks for being lovely!! Not in Ireland no but Irish :). Not taken her in for anything yet that we weren’t told to as to be honest sick of waiting rooms and hospitals but suppose asking 1. Do I sound a bit like I’m being crackers or is this normal ish realm of mum concern and 2. Do any of these “concerns” sound concerning which you’ve kindly said not. Hoping GP will be helpful Monday and will get into a calmer state soon. DH superb but also kind of man who would just remove a jumper if he was in a burning house so never worried plus works long hrs so not here much

None of these things sound concerning to me, they all sounds like normal newborn behaviour. You’ve had a rough ride though so of course you’re bound to be worried and exhausted. No harm in chatting to your GP.

I’ve currently got a 7 week old and I’d say at some point all have these things have happened. I would speak to your GP or HV though just so they can have a look at your baby and hopefully tell you that they are completely fine. You are only going to worry in the situation you’re in which is completely understandable and sometimes you just need someone to tell you that everything is fine. I had a completely straightforward pregnancy and birth and all checkups have been fine yet I still have the moments where I think is that normal? So I can only imagine how you must feel, there is no shame in needing a bit of reassurance.

I understand the anxiety but these all sound like very normal 5 week old things to me. I think you sound a little over anxious but your hormones will still be going crazy and the sleep deprivation coupled with having to be alert for the toddler is a killer. Take it easy on yourself.

Thanks everyone, really appreciate the kindness and reassurance here :) xx

Do you have a good? trustworthy friend you see regularly who you could ask to also keep an eye on your baby and alert you if they notice anything concerning.
Possibly knowing you are not solely responsible for these observations might help you relax.

No wonder you are on edge!! Yes talk through with GP. I was like this with second after an indicator of a chromosomal disorder was spotted in 20 week scan. When he was born without the disorder I spent about 9 months waiting for whatever was wrong with him to become apparent. I think I might have had mild PND but there was and never had been anything wrong with him. It was such an overwhelming time. Worry became my norm. I didn't tell anyone about it (not even DP) which was probably a big mistake. and sympathy. You sound like you are dealing with it much better than I did. Keep being brave.

Of course your worried. Don't beat yourself up about that!

Doesn't sound unusual behaviour and as you say babies change a lot at that age.

I think seeing gp for reassurance is a good idea. They also may have had some info from consultants about what exactly you are looking into for.

Btw (irrelevant!) but your comment about dh removing a jumper in a burning house made me laugh! It's a great description of a laid back person I'm gonna nick for future!

They all sound like normal behaviour from a 5 week old to me. I also think in the circumstances it's perfectly normal for you to have frequent panics. Even if something isn't right, as long as it isn't dangerous (e.g. fitting) then there's no harm waiting and doing a check on everything at one time. I hope she's ok.

I had Kell antibodies and we were in hospital for nearly 2 weeks for photo therapy.

In the nicest possible way, you’re sleep deprived and a bit paranoid.

Relax, I think they’re probably looking for feeding and soiling changes which would indicate an issue.

It will get better

God that must be really hard, you must be on high alert all the time. It sounds like your baby is perfectly normal and you are doing really well with her. What you are describing (not waking during a noisy party etc) isn't the same as not wakeble ie unresponsive, but I appreciate that when you are worried it might seem like a fine line. You will gain confidence as she gets bigger, hang in there.

Thanks everyone so so much - really appreciate it. The changes is the real bugger in a way as one of the things mentioned was is “is baby responsive and engaged” and last week was delighted as she was super starey and felt like she was tracking and staring into eyes and I thought on few occasions smiling then this week seems more grumpy and distracted. No idea what significance of this would even be and want to just chill about it instead of micro watching her! @summerhouse that sounds so so hard and am so pleased all worked out. Am sure will calm down soon! X

I have a 5 week old and have just ticked each thing on your list. Mine has prolonged jaundice so I'm also on edge while I wait for blood results. I think you have to try trust in your mum senses and hope you would just know if something wasn't right, rather then watching intently for it.

Ah thanks @lipstick! We’re also in prolonged jaundixe clinic - basixally just more blood tests til it goes I think... apparently they also test for underlying issues but no idea if they did that with last bloods they took as GP said that they would but results were just the numbers so maybe she didn’t meet the threshold?! Think am just not awake enough to track it all! Really hope your little one clears it soon - it’s a weird combo of lovely and then stressful eh?!

Well it sounds as if you're suffering from anxiety which I think would be totally normal in your situation. It's difficult because as a parent you have pretty good gauge of when things aren't quite right but when you start getting anxious it gets completely screwed up so every minor blip seems like a possible disaster.

My LO was exactly the same. Could sleep through anything, fussy but not uncomfortable, spent ages looking at prints in our house or out the window but not at us (no smile for months!), weirdly slept through the night a few times early on. He's my PFB so had nothing to compare to, I just assumed he had a strong interest in the visual arts.

Unmumsnetty hug to you.

If I'm really honest, I would think that what has happened is that they tested your baby for something relatively concerning as you know, and are happy that she is totally good and healthy. They've then decided to be extra cautious and have you keep an eye on her but not tell you what specifically to look for because it's the lesser of two evils in their eyes than giving you a list of things to worry about.

You sound like a fab mum and your baby does sound healthy. I hope the GP can reassure you and let you know when you can no longer to be on constant alert (such an unfair thing to do to a new mum, as if our bodies don't go into that mode automatically!).

If you think it would make you less anxious, you can ask your GP for full disclosure of what they were testing for/how it would present etc. but for many this would be so much worse. My daughter has complex issues and I've always demanded all the info because for me, the unknown always gets to me more!

Thanks all esp Mumma - I think you’re on the money. I do know they were worrying for one thing which she does have but doesn’t seem to have affected her (not being coy, don’t want to be tactless as i’m here worrying when other parents have been in same boat but much less luckily in terms of impact) but also worried about associated issues. Lots of things happened which individually could have ended up badly and didn’t and then all together could have indicated something else (this is the bit I am not sure on but also not sure if they were either) so she was being tested all the time. Poor little feet more pricks than a hedgehog! It doesn’t help that my son pretty much never slept and screamed blue murder whereas she seems eerily calm. Anyway - GP tomorrow!!!! Thanks all for being so ace x

I had Kell antibodies and dd had a blood transfusion in the womb.
When she came out she spent 5 days in nicu and was the most difficult baby ever. She slept for 23 hours a day to start and was just so so fussy that I spent most of my time when she was awake trying to get her back to sleep as I couldn’t cope.
For months she just didn’t seem to know what to do when she was awake. She would scream and scream and scream.
She didn’t smile until 10 weeks, didn’t laugh until 20 weeks and then at 6 months she changed overnight.
All of a sudden she was crawling, by 10.5 months she was walking and is now the feistiest and funniest little 3 year old.
I spent the first 6 months a nervous wreck. Worrying about every little thing.

God you poor poor sod that sounds horrific but also so pleased you had a happy ending! Christ it’s hard to relax when you’ve no idea what to look for isn’t it?! So pleased she’s doinf so well x

Hi Babynut, I’ve never met anyone else with Kell antibodies. My DD has a normal transfusion (rather than the transfer kind) after birth (section at 35+1).

How are you feeling today Maid?