to be on edge about 5 week old “behaviour?”

[MaidofMuswell]

Long story short we were in hospital a week after birth because bub had to have extra blood work after I’d had odd and rare antibodies in pregnancy and weird results came back resulting in brain scans, extra checks and she also had really bad jaundice. All seems fine now and after loads and loads of different appts with different professionals at different hospitals / clinics who were all fantastic but all had slightly different advice and never had all the info (to be clear this was where we were sent I wasn’t just going round different places for the craic) we’ve been discharged. The one thing that drs, midwives and HVs have all said though is to immediately get back in touch if we notice any “unusual behaviour” I’ve really pushed for details of this and they’ve said things like difficult to wake or struggling feeding etc which I understand but they’ve also said “anything that just rings alarm bells” or any changes in behaviour. The problem is, I barely slept in hospital, she’s feeding throughout the night, I’ve got a toddler to watch in the day and whilst I’m ok and relieved to be home most of the time every now and then I have a daft (I hope) panic about stuff which I don’t think is really concerning but feels so at the time because I’m watching her so closely and think my sanity has been a bit depleted. Babies change a lot too and think my alarm bells may be on a crazy sensitive setting. Panics so far have included: 1. Baby sleeping through loud toddler party (no longer worried on this but gives you flavour) 2. Baby being awake for hours on end in evening being bit fussy rather than mad colic (son had colic so know is not that, she’s just gone from sleeping happily on me in evenings before going down about 10 or 11 to being very fussy and hard to settle. 3. Baby sleeping for longer than did before (I know, I know) so last night after hrs of fuss two 4 hr stretches broken by one v efficient feed 4. Baby looking outside more than into my face and at faces in general as seemed to before - no idea why this or any of it should be worry just changes I guess. I have an amazing GP who knows full history andnso cdr

Ok thanks :) had lots of visitors and they’ve all been commenting on her being so chilled which initially made me panic as in is she too chilled (I know) then realised was being nuts. She’s so so observant and looking at things and faces sometimes and not others so think changes just time of day or mood not linear if that makes sense... also worried some of the times I think she’s been really focused actually distracted because digesting and spaced out!! Sorry... stream of consciousness... just need to ride it out! Thanks for all being ace! X

It all sounds good, but of course you'll worry. Were the brain scans normal?

They were yeah, they were looking for bleeds and all clear. Calmer now just have a little really panic :) xxx

Well, that's very reassuring. It is difficult I know, but try to relax and enjoy this time.

A lot of that sounds within the realms of normal. One of mine was more settled with lots of noise around. Just having the TV or radio on got me some important half hour naps, in the early weeks.

Thanks all. GP so so good and listened to it all but was clear that this was my anxiety not the baby’s health at issue really, without being dismissive or whatever. Apparently the next thing to keep an eye out for would be smiling which she said would typically be next week but could just as easily and healthily be up to 9 weeks. Think that’s a nice one to look forward to actually as I really just want to be confident she’s comfortable and happy and I think the smiling will really help reassure with that. Thanks for all being so reassuring and kind! X

Yay for understanding GP.

Last (I hope) 2 daft questions... 1. normal for crying to increase round 5 w isn’t it? She’s 6 w on Saturday / day by (born at midnight!) and the last few days really seems to have found her voice more and be very fussy in evenings and only really soothed by constant walking or feed and generally only wants me. 2. Sure I did this one but moods vary over day right? In mornings she’s quite irritable and not up for company just wants to look out the window or complain a bit, late evenings are a bit of a war zone as discussed but afternoon and early evening very playful and “chatty” obviously not chatty but makes little noises and really seems to want to engage you. My brain says that’s because she’s overtired etc late in the day and jut waking up at the start but in the morning when she seems upset and I’ve not slept properly either because she’s fed lots in the night I worry about Christ knows what - can’t think of a problem that only exists in mornings and resolved by afternoon daily but there you go! Would love someone to say sounds normal... getting there slowly but find this so helpful! X

What's her nap schedule like @MaidofMuswell? Have you seen the nap charts by age, she should be sleeping after about 45-60 minutes awake time at 6 weeks old? That might affect mornings, my DS always wants a nap sooner than expected after waking but can go a lot longer in the afternoon.

I think that’s part of it - she’s over tired at points because sleep still out of kilter. I think the main thing is I’m just not thinking very straight. Can’t stop crying today and can’t shake feeling something is wrong to point am not seeing things right. I have no real evidence but will question if she’s sleeping too much, crying too much, whether she’s really seeing or looking when she’s apparently looking at me then also tell myself am lying to myself if I see anything “good” like today my husband and I both thought we saw the first signs of a smile. He’s taking some time off work and I’m going to ask my mum for some more help as I think I’ve lost it a bit! I don’t even have a sensible question for anyone now past do babies have different moods at different times of day which I know they do of course. Bloody hell! Hope these hormones shift!

This all sounds totally normal to me. I think at 6 weeks my baby girl was really starting to have a witching 'hour' from about 4pm until 8pm where she was just restless, wanted to cluster feed and couldn't settle. Remember every baby is different.

I wouldn't worry too much about what is the norm at this age. My baby was never a good sleeper and ignored the instruction book about how long, where and when she should sleep!

I think that you should consider looking at post natal depression for yourself. It's completely normal and anxiety about your baby is to be expected. It's worth having a chat with your heath visitor or GP. Have you got any local baby groups specifically for under ones that you can go to? I found talking to other mums really helped as you realise that you are not alone and everyone is going through similar things! It really helped me understand what was ok and what I should be worried about. If you are breastfeeding and breastfeeding cafe is also a good place for mums with young babies to go.

I agree that you need to be asking for hemp with your anxiety. Even though it has good other causes your protective instincts are off the scale at the moment and you need some calm. Do you have any other new mums to hang out with and talk to in person? Baby massage class near you that you can go to make friends? If you were near me I'd take you out for tea (not coffee, you're too hyped!).

Thank you, that’s really good advice and appreciate your writing. Got 6 w check and will discuss pnd there as already v much on mind. Meet some criteria and not others. Do think some of my “concerns” fairly obscure to say the least but lost judgement over it. Just now had lovely twenty mins or so with her “chatting” (I mean little noises and stroking her face etc) but then worried about HOW she was looking at me eg looking at eyes for few seconds then around then back etc rather than sustained focus for as long as she has other times. Is this even a bloody thing?

She's 6 weeks old, she can only just see a bit further so she wants to look all around. She doesn't even know where mummy ends, she's probably spent the evening working out that the sofa isn't part of your head and being amazed about that.

😂 you’re ace. Man. Sane mind loving and cracking up at that, mad part still mad :)

Mad of muswell here w 80% Happy 20% mad update. She’s been super super happy and engaged and “cooing” (not obviously actually in sense of proto baby speaking but cheerful sounding noises!) and looking around and at people loads so feeling much more positive! Husband also thinks smiling but - and here’s my mad bit - I think for official smiling if that’s even a thing need to be responding to you right? She’s basically just quite smiley today but not really at us so much as kitchen and life in general.. I’m happy she’s happy really but want to know if anyone knows if counts?

She might just be sunny natured. Yes, it counts. You sound a little happier yourself, how is everything else - feeding, sleeping etc, have you been able to nap a bit?

Not sure if you have if already but you may find something like the wonder weeks app reassuring? Will tell you when to expect fussy periods and where she’s at developmentally. Ive found it quite accurate!

Yes - she’s sleeping longer blocks at night and bar the hardest to shift wind ever bothering her she’s pretty cheerful and feeding well :) wonder weeks is great but not yet even at first leap bevahse she was a few weeks early so not been able to use it yet... just want to see a big definite gummy grin back at me like I had from my son although his came a bit later and think then will relax! Is so so nice to see her smile but just slightly less glorious when it’s at the kitchen counter top :) thanks again for being so kind, love this support so much and appreciate it hugely xx