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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my parents are the most technically-useless out there?

274 replies

SileneOliveira · 16/02/2019 09:23

My parents are mid-70s. Both had professional careers where they didn't have to use computers before they retired 15 or so years ago. (Primary teaching and dentistry). They are totally and utterly incompetent with anything technological.

I had a phone call at 11.59pm last night from Dad's mobile. (An old Motorola brick). Nobody spoke when I answered. So the obvious conclusion is that something is terribly wrong. Called back on the landline, a very grumpy Mum answered. She had no idea what was going on and why had I got her out of her bed? Fuck me, if you can't even "drive" a basic Motorola flip phone you've got problems and why are you tawtting about with it at midnight anyway?

They also think I'm being incredibly unreasonable in asking them to take their mobile when I collect them from the airport. As the airport has no free drop-off zone I've asked them to call me when they're physically walking out of hte airport so I can scoot into the 10 minutes for £2 zone and get them. This is apparently unreasonable as I can phone the airport and find out when the plane landed and make a guess as to how long it will take them to clear passport control and get their luggage. (If it wasn't a late night flight I'd be telling them to get the bus).

I have never sent or received a text from my parents. The would think Siri was a new Lebanese restaurant.

When I read about people's parents facetiming them, or a family WhatsApp group my face is like this Shock. It's so very alien to me.

Anyome else got parents like this???

OP posts:
Glitteryfrog · 17/02/2019 09:08

My dad has a laptop an Amazon kindle and internet.
I'm not sure if he still has a mobile phone, but they don't venture far and they'll call the home phone or my mobile if they need me.
My dad can order shopping and quite likes Amazon... but was amazed when I bought very specific light bulbs, ordered and got them delivered to him from my phone without having to enter my card details. He's now got into internet banking and likes being able to see his money every day.

My mum has no interest and never has done. But she will use a cash machine, card machine in restaurants. I just let her get on with it.

Decormad38 · 17/02/2019 09:12

You can’t expect a generation that grew up without that technology to be as adept as the generation that did. YABU. I bet there are things they can do that you cannot. You sound like you shout at your parents. Nice!

Original poster
SileneOliveira · 17/02/2019 09:52

All this "grew up with technology" stuff - I'm in my mid 40s. I completely remember three channels on the telly, and the dial you had to turn to get the picture. Mobile phones did not become commonplace until my mid-20s. We all had the one "house phone" with the dial growing up. Nobody had internet until I was through Uni and out working. Sat nav and google maps is a recent invention. People are talking as if these things have been around forever and it's really only the people who are 60+ who have grown up in a pre-smartphone, pre-internet world. The first iPhone was only released in 2007.

It is a mindset thing. They simply refuse to engage and will not try. They do not see the benefit because they are completely closed to even trying to understand what the benefit could possibly be. They will make snippy comments about smartphones and how it's ridiculous that children are using the internet with no concept of what that actually means.

And because they are SO ignorant and so closed to understanding, that makes them more susceptible to scams. they had a call from one of those foreign "your internet is broken, pay us £100 and we'll fix it over the phone" scam artists and fell for it. Because they aren't aware enough to realise that people from Microsoft don't phone you and tell you that you need to upgrade.

Very frustrating.

OP posts:
Original poster
SileneOliveira · 17/02/2019 09:57

The frustration is that people that abdicate any interest in technology are rarely living technology free, they're creating work for the people around them that do use it.

Totally. Case in point - we agreed a few years back that my parents would buy the kids "experiences" for Christmas rather than stuff. Great. So this year they wanted to do Go Ape. As parents refuse to use their laptop for anything other than email, they delegated the job of searching for tickets online and booking it to me. And then sent a cheque through the post to reimburse me. Total pain in the rear.

OP posts:
Imperfectsusan · 17/02/2019 10:05

My 84 year old MiL has learned relatively recently. She has used a laptop for a few years, but won't shop on it in case she is robbed. She traded in her old £20 Nokia phone, on which it took her a week to text a message, only last year for an iPhone. She is learning the tricks and like the camera.

She can now sync it with the old iPad which her friend Marjorie gave her, and on which she stores her photos. That said, once she has finished using it for something she puts in "back in its case", so if I ask if she's had a message on it from DH, she has to get it out to check. Still, pretty good.

It's worth telling them that before long you may need a smartphone even to contact a doctor. I think that's not far from the truth either.

clairemcnam · 17/02/2019 10:11

It is mainly older people and young kids who use most GP appointments. No GP practice is going to introduce a compulsory system that one of their main group of users will not be able to use.
Many older people who frequently go to the Drs are either too confused or do not have the fine motor skills to use a smartphone. So amongst my relatives, one who has Parkinsons and lives alone, another who has pre senile dementia. Both are fine to phone and book appointments.

clairemcnam · 17/02/2019 10:13

I can do more technology wise at work than most of the PHD graduates I work with. I know more about the various software packages and how to use them.
But they know more about using apps for leisure purposes and every day life. Many of which I had never even heard of until they mention it.

Babyroobs · 17/02/2019 10:42

my dad is 80 and does a lot on his PC, and texts me often.

Babyroobs · 17/02/2019 10:45

In my line of work I also have to help people do online applications.if they cannot do it themselves. I continue to be amazed by the number of people ( usually mid fifties- mid sixties) who do not have a PC and and email account and are incapable of doing a simple 15 minute application online.

daisychain01 · 17/02/2019 11:24

It's a misnomer that young people are the generation that are "a whiz at technology".

No, they just have the benefits of slick user interfaces. I'd love to know how they would cope with Wordstar, Lotus 123 and DOS commandline.

bluegreygreen · 17/02/2019 11:34

I continue to be amazed by the number of people ( usually mid fifties- mid sixties) who do not have a PC and and email account

Have been thinking about this. I'm late 40s. I was in the last year at my school that didn't automatically have computer classes. At university, by assignments were handwritten. Because of the work I do, I am reasonably computer literate, and I like gadgets, so haven't been left behind (even so, I am particular as to what technology I will use).

Those in their 50s will have been the years just ahead of me - so no exposure in school, and if there hasn't been a need for it inwork, only thise with a specific interest, or who can see a clear benefit, are likey to keep up to date.

madcatladyforever · 17/02/2019 11:39

i know a lot of people like that OP who just don't want to know about any kind of technology when they retire.
They are doing themselves out of a much easier life tbh.
I know so many housebound people who have no computer skills and are stuck there at home unable to do internet banking or shopping and have to trust carers with their debit cards or rely on cheques.
My mum is 80 and has it all sorted, she shops online, banks online and is able to contact me wherever she is.
It makes her retirement so much easier.

Melamine · 17/02/2019 11:39

My parents are technophobes too. They do have smartphones but refuse to download whatsapp so I refuse to text them pictures (too expensive) and my mum refuses to work out how to use her phone to take a photo and email it. They sent back their contactless cards (they live in a tiny village and no one is ever going to walk past them with a device to steal their money). They refuse to do internet banking and have to physically visit banks all the time (some of which have closed local branches so they have to drive smiles to do it). Send me cheques for birthday etc which I then don’t pay in for weeks because I have a digital bank and have to remember to post off (which they know). Switch off the WiFi at night in case it’s bad for them. Got rid of tv and refuse to buy tv license as ‘there’s nothing to watch’ but sometimes try to watch jerky itv catch up on their ancient desktop. My dad also has sat nav in his car but refuses to use it in favour of paper maps. Some of these are more strange dogmatic misunderstandings rather than strictly technophobe but still. It just makes their lives harder for no reason!

My MIL manages to use a smartphone properly, has a tablet, a smart tv, whatsapp, internet banking etc. And is exactly the same age! It’s made me determined to keep up with technology when I’m old.

OffWithThePixies · 17/02/2019 11:41

@bibbitybobbityyhat For all his sins, he does love his Kindle and his iPad Stepmom is great for spending hours shopping and expecting him to come, so he sits outside the stores on the seating intended for other bored spouses and reads his kindle. They also travel a lot on long distances (they’re in Australia so going anywheres long distance), so saves him packing lots of books. He love his iPad as he reads all the newspapers on it, can see what his grandkids are up to etc I’ll admit the mobile phones were an epic fail though!

I’m fairly patient though (I’ve taught a silver surfers class a few times), it was only the epic two hour phone call for his Apple ID that almost finished me off

SparkyBlue · 17/02/2019 11:46

@SileneOliveira I agree 100% with you. For those people who are saying that we are being mean and nasty about our parents they are completely missing the point. In my own case I am not talking about frail elderly people who would have difficulties getting to grips with technology I am talking about youthful active people who seem to think that it's everyone else's job to organize stuff for them. It's the complete closed mind attitude that drives me mad. It also makes them very vulnerable as mine won't use an atm or a credit card and pay absolutely everything in cash and carry ridiculous amounts of it around. They are the kindest most wonderful people but they just seem to love t

SparkyBlue · 17/02/2019 11:47

To make life difficult for themselves

ReflectentMonatomism · 17/02/2019 13:15

mine won't use an atm or a credit card and pay absolutely everything in cash

And the "new-fangled new stuff" argument evaporates at that point. People not using those in their eighties are paying the price for closing their minds in their forties or fifties, so my sympathy is pretty limited.

I was using direct debits, credit cards and ATMs in the early 1980s, so at least 35 years ago. Someone 85 now is someone who rejected new fangled things when they were fifty. Choices have consequences.

zwellers · 17/02/2019 13:29

Prismguile win the most patronising comment on the thread award. I mean the whole of the work place is exclusively operated by 23 years that know it all.

Nanny0gg · 17/02/2019 13:49

As parents refuse to use their laptop for anything other than email, they delegated the job of searching for tickets online and booking it to me. And then sent a cheque through the post to reimburse me. Total pain in the rear.

If I were your parents then I wouldn't bloody bother!
God forbid you should help them out with something so simple (to you!)

Nanny0gg · 17/02/2019 13:52

It's a misnomer that young people are the generation that are "a whiz at technology".
No, they just have the benefits of slick user interfaces. I'd love to know how they would cope with Wordstar, Lotus 123 and DOS commandline.

LOL. And I'd be fine, but then I'm in my 60s...

MereDintofPandiculation · 17/02/2019 14:39

It also makes them very vulnerable as mine won't use an atm or a credit card and pay absolutely everything in cash and carry ridiculous amounts of it around.

The reasoning may be "If I carry £200 around, I may get pick-pocketed and lose £200. But if I use an ATM and my card gets skimmed, I will lose £000s".

My DF would dearly love to be able to tell his bank not to let him go overdrawn - he doesn't want an overdraft, and it would stop someone spending £00s on his stolen debit card. But banks make their money by people being overdrawn.

Limensoda · 17/02/2019 14:47

How awful! Your parents won't be who you think they should be.
Leave them alone ffs!

scaryteacher · 17/02/2019 15:25

One can have some slight sympathy with people who have never done online shopping.

What type of online shopping though? I am happy to have clothes/books/sewing stash/cat food delivered, but for food shopping, I like to go and do it, so I can see what I am buying.

Bluesheep8 · 17/02/2019 16:19

I don't "get" technology tbh. DP had to persuade me to get a smartphone, I was happy with my little old Nokia which was 10 years old. Although I use MN, that is all I use. I've never been on Facebook and was embarrassed to admit that I didn't know what Snapchat is the other day. I also didn't know until last month that we can pause our tv whilst watching a programme! I'm 45. My 72 yr old mother is a prolific facebook user and keeps talking about WhatsApp. I don't know what that is either!

Bluesheep8 · 17/02/2019 16:20

Oh and I don't online shop either...